Hi Lanchas,

Hi, I am 32 years old and both my parents were violent alcoholics. I started to realize thier drinking at 8 years old. When i was in my teen years they started to hit me and more. I wont go into the abuse but i was always depressed as a child and i took the wrong road in my teens. I did drugs weed and hash always and i drank. I never liked doing it at all but my friends were and if i did it that meant that i could spend the weekend at thier house and meant that i wouldnt be abused on that weekend cause they drank more on weekends and longer. I was almost taken out of my home when i was 14 years old, my friend was on the phone with me and my father came in to beat me and she heard it all. She told a councellor the next day and he had me in his office told me that if i told him my family life that it was his job not to report me cause it was confidential. I told him that i got beat at times and told him what was happening at the time. The next day he had me in and said i had to report you to social services and they will be contacting you. Then he said i am taking you to alateen tonight and you have no choice. I went to the alateen meeting and there was no one there but me and my friend and him that reported me. The councellor wasnt allowed in so i was crying when i went in cause i didnt want to be there. The sponsors were real uncomfortablee and told me to share i said no i dont want to right now so they did. The lady sponser shared about her father putting a gun to her head (not loaded) and pulling the trigger. Being 14 years old i got terrified and the councellor told me that i had to stay in alateen. After that meeting i told him i wasnt ever going back and they couldnt make me. So he said that youth protection would be calling me in the morning. They called me and asked me to go to meet them. They told me that they were going to put me on independant living and i would have to stay in school and do homework and get it signed nightly and report in by 9pm everyday. I told them i didnt want to go they said i didnt have a choice if i was being abused. I asked them if they were taking my sister they said only if she wants to come since it wasnt her the complaint was about. they told me they were going to come take me out and then explain things to my parents. After i was safe. They told me to wait for thier call and to be ready for them. I waited for that call and it never came but everytime the phone rang i went nuts. It finally came one day when i was 18 years old said we are ready. I said to little to late. Parents are sober (not true)) and im of age now and i hung up. They called me back told me i had to go meet them in person if i didnt want them talking to my parents i did and i told them that life was great. Through those years i did anything that my friends were doing anything that would let me not be home. I also took care of my grandmother and hid my parents drinking from her the whole time. My parents sort of kicked me out when i was 21 but made sure to tell me to stay close so my grandmother wouldnt think anything wrong. I used to have fist fights with my dad when i was old enough kicked him where it counts when i was 17 and thats the last time he hit me. i got married and that was also hell and i suffered major depression for 5 years the when my children were born. I wont go into all that but just letting ya know where i was. Now my moms dying of cancer and i spent my 20's seriously angry and resentful. I know now why they drank i know it had nothing to do with me being a bad person. IT was about them not meThey couldnt deal with things in thier heads. I joined alanon 4 years ago and also became a alateen sponser we had to close not enough kids.  I should stop now lol this is long. Hope its not to much for ya. .

kerry