The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
D hasn't really committed to stopping and we are separated now... I told him that I needed a week to myself to clear my head and get my balance back. I asked him not to call and when I was ready I would call him. He got mad and has been making threats to see other people and stuff like that. It makes me so angry and sometimes I feel out of control... I have been thinking of divorce because I can't stand to be so unhappy and I can't be a good mother to Beau when I'm so depressed... I feel like I am giving up too soon and that if I just gave him some time he would change but I'm loosing all hope of that...???
Orchid....are you able to get to f2f meetings? Call an ala-non friend or sponsor? I know when things seem sooooo frustrating and confusing...the next right thing I can do...is to call someone and talk this through..and remind myself I don't have to make this decision today. My Alanon friends help me regain my balance and redirect my focus back onto myself...and to get off of his back, out of his business, and to get my tail to meeting.
Orchid Of course he's angry. You took the attention away from him. Focus on yourself and your son this week and I know you'll feel much better and you'll be a better mother too. Do something fun, pamper yourself and take the focus off of him. This message board helps me alot but I have to go to face to face meetings each week to. Have you been to a ftf meeting yet? Just remember, you didn't cause it, your can't cure it and you can't control it. Have a peaceful week. Please don't give him the power to ruin it for you.
Take the time for you and your baby. Do somethings or lots of things for the two of you. Take the time to really enjoy your baby. I know it is hard and I usually get depressed when I leave my AH but when I put the focus on my kids and my self I do feel better.
HI Orchid, I am glad you came here to let us know how you are.
The one thing I want to say is, for me, nothing got better for me until I changed me. I too wanted my A to get well and our lives be normal. But I have no control over that. Seemed over time, working on my program I realized I loved my A just how he is. It is no matter to me if he uses or not.
Of course I wish for the best, for him to have sober/program time. But he has a horrible disease that is very, very hard to gety away from. Believe me he wants to. I know he does. No healthy person would want to go thru the hell he does.
I am sure your A means it when he says he will stop. In reality it is not that simple at all. It is not a social thing or he drinks cuz he wants to be with his friends. They drink becuz they are addicts.
I would not have anyone using in my home with a baby there. That is me. But as far as him being with his friends...when A's are on a program, they usually find new friends who do not use.
When we "wait" it seems we are standing still in our lives and in our own program. I found when I began to live on and move on, I felt much better. I see my A though we don't live together. For me, the disease I can handle, but the anger and abuse which is separate from the disease I cannot, and will not.
Part of working on me was setting up my life as if I would never see him again. I mean even when he did live here. That way I did not have to be concerned about losing everything when the disease took him away.
You might find what I am talking about in the book, "Getting Them Sober." It is the best book I have ever read that helped me to understand my A.
D hasn't really committed to stopping and we are separated now... I told him that I needed a week to myself to clear my head and get my balance back. I asked him not to call and when I was ready I would call him. He got mad and has been making threats to see other people and stuff like that. It makes me so angry and sometimes I feel out of control... I have been thinking of divorce because I can't stand to be so unhappy and I can't be a good mother to Beau when I'm so depressed... I feel like I am giving up too soon and that if I just gave him some time he would change but I'm loosing all hope of that...???