The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone. I haven't posted here very often but I do come and read to gain some insight with everyone's experiences. First off I just want to say thank you to everyone for sharing and for willing to listen to my vents.
It's weird - there must be different stages with dealing with an A. I used to be angry, then sad, then I'd cry, then I'd be worried sick. Now I just feel empty. I guess it's kind of a good feeling - I'm looking forward to Spring and doing some gardening and I am planning what "I" want to do. I'm not going to worry about the A. It's not that I don't care and I still get all the other feelings, but the end result is I just feel like an empty shell.
Is this okay? I don't really feel bad about feeling empty and I don't know if that should bother me or not.
No I dont think what you are feeling is weird,,,I too got to that point after countless hours of crying/worrying/ being angry. I think for myself I just became numb, however I dont know if that is healthy or not, because as humans we have the right to feel emotions. Or is it a form of detaching, not letting the A's reactions or actions affect us anymore? These are questions only each individual can answer, as we all work the program at our own pace in our own way. It seems you have goals which is healthy and something to look forward to. I know for myself fo a very long time I could not find anything to look forward to, or any joy or happiness in the near future. This disease is cunning, baffling, and very inciduous, and it affects us alanoners in many ways. Glad to have you are finding peace within yourself, keep coming back!
I know with myself, numbness is a common thing. I spent so many years with my life revolving around my A, his needs, his moods, his chaos that removing it left a void. I fill it with me and the kids.
Maybe the empty shell is a start, when you start doing nice things for you, it will fill up with joy.
It is very good to hear from you. And so your journey begins...
I too felt empty - after I let go of the anger at my A, the worry about my A, the crushing despair about my A.
what was left for me? Nothing.I too was empty.
But then...alanon encouraged me to "find me again" and I did. Step by step piece by piece, old hobby and new hobby and time for myself.
Looking forward to spring and doing some gardening...How wonderful. I love to garden. It is so rewarding to plant and sow and reap the benefits.. Nature heals. It is great to hear that you are "working on you" thank-you for the update
megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Thank you all so much for responding - for actually being interested in what I had to say. I hardly ever share anything with my A anymore because one way or another it "always comes back to me" negatively.
It is nice to see you posting. Please post often for that is how we all learn and can support each other. As far as the negative replies, take what you want and leave the rest. With my 20 year old daughter being the recent alcoholic in our life, my husband and I are more like shell shocked. WE at least can try to support each other the best we can now which is hard when we are both so upset about our daughter and both sort of grieving. So, your analogy of just a shell works for me with the shell word but just a little differently. Gardening always is very therapeutic and we do need to take care of us the best we can. I do this one way by posting and replying here. Again, nice seeing you. cdb :)
Yep know the empty feelings myself. I guess I was empty because somewhere along the line I had lost myself in my losing battle against my wife's addictions. After truly accepting that it is not my battle to begin with and in taking off my armor I am redescovering "me", not who the disease wants me to be, you know what I kinda like me better. Kinda fillin that space with that now. After reading replies just prior to to posting this I see megan and myself must had some telepathy goin lol. I submit this as a second to megans post
It could happen; I guess. I could give up my happy aloneness and hook up with an active user of drugs like alcohol, etc. But, I ain't gonna put two quarters on it, I ain't hold my breath waiting for it… Anyway… about the shell… I used to be filled with so much crap… some still lingers… then I emptied a lot… there was some void… then I filled the void with good stuff. Be patient… jeez coming from me… born without patience.
us alanoners in many ways. Glad to have you are finding peace within yourself, keep coming back!
