The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I only posted a few times, 2.5 months ago when my husband was drinking 22 beers a night and I really didn't know what was going to happen to us. I just wanted to let you know there is hope!!!!!!! After years of drinking he finally hit rock bottom and has not had a drink for 2.5 months. For years I questioned whether I was enabling him by not leaving him or if it was for my own selfishness of keeping my family together. I detached myself from him so that I wouldn't get hurt too much. I didn't want to put forth an ultimatem because then it was from me and not him figuring it out for himself, and I always thought that he would then resent me for it or it would not stick. So here we are, he has not had a drink and my life is so much different. The anger toward me is gone and I am not called a bitch every night of my life. He was Dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde while drinking and now I know what to expect every night and I don't have to quess which one. Now he sees what a crazy person he was, and I hope and pray he will never drink again. It is so wierd to actually have my friend and partner back, someone I can talk to (anytime of the day and not just a certain hour window b/n hangover and drunkeness!) He did not get any help- he just told himself that he has no choice but to quit or he was going to kill himself.
We are dealing w/ the ramifications of his drinking still though- when you spend 5000 or so on beer in a year there are financial ramifications which we are now having to face........I don't know if I can ever make it up to my son, some of the damage that was done from seeing his parents fight. And I am facing some health problems that in my heart of hearts I believe to partly be brought on by stress from it all. But I know that God has had a hand in helping us- because for him to have quit is truly a miracle and I wish the same for all of you that are facing similiar situations. Just know that if my husband can do it, it is definitely possible!!
When my husband quit for 5 months it was wonderful.
All of the anger goes....it taught me a very good lesson that indeed the anger problem stemmed from the drinking and fighting with my A while he was drinking is a futile effort.
Enjoy!
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Yes, there is hope...that ol' tool Detachment--I love it. It's a tool for our serenity, sanity and survival. And I do believe it put more responsiblity upon my A for his actions, choices.
When I changed, (he didn't like it) he changed. It's taken us a long time to get here, but he's working his program daily for one month now.
That’s fantastic, I am very happy for you and your family. I can see you are very proud of him for his accomplishment and enjoying the benefits of it. It’s nice to step out of the dark and bask in the light. I noticed something else though in your post, you mention a lot about him however you didn’t say much about yourself. Do you attend meetings? Do you plan to continue meetings? During the good times it is just as important that you continue to keep working on yourself. I found this out the hard way as when my wife came home from rehab a couple years ago and things were going fantastic, I believed this was a page in history and was behind us. I was so excited about the future, I quit attending meetings and quit working on myself…this was the worse decision I ever made for me. Unfortunately eight months later the alcohol had been replaced by gambling, and not much later the alcohol was back. I allowed it to rule my life once again. I was right back there thinking I could control it again and I was back to thinking I could change her. This resulted in the pointless and destructive arguments. I was back in the insanity again, because I let myself go there once again even though I thought I knew better. Let me tell ya it seemed so much more painful the second time around. Well I am back and I can see that two years ago when I worked the steps, I breezed right through 1-3 thinking I get it. Well I have learned that I didn’t. Steps 1-3 are much harder to live than I initially believed, however I know that they are there to save my life as well as my children’s, and they will. Anyway she is back in rehab once again (hopefully for herself and not to satisfy me) and for some reason I still have hope, but if god has other plans for us I will be able to accept that instead of killing my self trying to change his will. I share this, not to suggest that this will happen in your case and I pray it won’t. I do so as I just want to stress that It is so very important to continue to work on yourself for yourself regardless of what another is doing or how things are going good or bad. Please forgive me as I probably sound like a major wet towel in the mist of your very joyous and happy post that I really appreciate you sharing.
You keep that smile on as I am very happy for you!!
I am so happy for you both! My A did the same, and on his own. It happened when I started to change. I was so much happier, and started to understand him so much better once I started coming here to MIP. Miracles DO happen!
I know at times, he still has a struggle and I kinda hold my breath until whatever disaster is over, praying freverently all the way! He has had a few slips, but not nearly as bad as he had been. I make sure I'm not near him when he starts slurring his words, and if I can't get physically away, I detatch. It works in my case, it's pretty hard to fight with yourself..
He had quit for 12 years once, but was in pretty bad shape when I met him. Yup! I was a great enabler! I thought I could control his drinking, and cure him. He just kept getting worse and worse. I had never been around an A at the time, and knew nothing about Alcoholism. He passed out in the road, in the ditch, under a tree.. At first I would carry/drag him home, but I got sick and tired of that. Then came the fights that got worse and worse.. I moved away, but I still loved the sober him. I found Alanon, and that was my sanity/life saver! I don't know where we would be if I hadn't been guided here by my HP!! For sure, it wouldn't be where we are now! I still have a little chip on my shoulder knowing that at any time, the insanity can return, but with the help of the wonderful people here, I know I will make it back to sanity and serenity. I still need Alanon as much now as I did then, and if sharing my experiences can help someone who is going through what I went through, like I was helped, it will be the answer to my prayers.
