The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Hi all, I so love the story of going out to have a day with the ma nice I did decide to put the a on the curb with the recycles. I know it is not healty to go toe to toe with him, as the disease says to do. The "in my face" stuff. I warned him twice to chill his stuff - maybe 27 times except it had to stop. It is through the strength of this group I did elect to release. It's for empowerment that I am greatful. lol I do not have an idea whats up now - except no more name calling. No more blame - no more shame game. I am a 20 year member of the program. Oops I did it again. Gentle paths n light n love to all, \/\/ille
I did the same thing thursday, and I fell really good about the choice I made. I fell I'm on the way to getting my self-esteam back. I know it will be really hard when he turns the tides and is at his best (the best only last till they get back in the door). I will not be fooled again.
Hmm, I have to think time now. Hmm, my goodness, it must be 30 years now, since I was sitting.(imaginary) on the curb down in the grimy neighborhood, (I did live down there) head in hands watching the sewer water go by and I looked down a ways… a drunk passed out in the sewer water… jeez, I said to myself that is me in a moment… the world had beaten me down… (I guess, I did not have all the answers, the world was bigger than me.)… two ways to go… suicide or reach out for help… and I said the smartest thing that I have ever said… ”I don’t know”. From that moment, I began to learn. Not having an idea of ‘whats up” is not all bad, for sure
For me, it is not the person. It is a person who has a horrible disease. I detached a long time ago from the disease. It cannot control me anymore. I can love my A all I want, respect him, be empathetic for him.
I am sad I had to have him leave. Becuz it was not the man I wanted to go, it was the disease. But sadly the two are in one body.
I did not lose me the last time he was here. Alanon taught me so much. I was able to detach and just love the man. But the disease tried another tactic, physical crap. that was my boundary.
I guess what I am saying is,these are human beings with a horrible disease.
Somedays are ok, some things touch me and I feel so much love, but mostly I miss my husband who is a mess, and alone and sick and controlled by horrible demons. love,debilyn
I am debating putting my A on the curb also. I just don't want to continue with the name alling etc. he said"I laugh at you every day" to me a short while ago.
i said "I know you do"
But this program is helping me to get stronger.
Today I rented a car and drove to the bike shop to get my tire fixed. It has been sitting broken for a week and my A said he would fix it... Now I have it fixed.
Tonight I found an alanon meeting 15 miles away and I will give that group a try.
Then I will see my nephews lacrosse game.
Stronger every day.
Good for you to finally get some peace in your life
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Wille, sounds like the "madness" is out of the house. I am so glad that it is not "in your face." Good for you. I am certain there is a feeling of relief to get the negativity and dark cloud away from you. It is one thing living w an active A who respects your space most of the time. It is another thing when the A is continually verbally abusive.
Keep up the good work. Peace and love to you. Annie
That is so tempting putting my A out with the recycling! I can relate so well to the 'In my face' stuff i think i said twice yesterday to my A 'back off' as the constant patter would not cease and i had already been out of the house for two hours for a break.
I guess we are only human and we all have a basic need for survival.
I lost count of the times I put him out to the recycling, but they didn't want him either, LOL. The last time was the last time (hmmm, how many times have I said that??)!! I'm just one of those people that can't seem to give in and give up.. In my case, things have worked out really well, and I have the man I love back, healthy and whole, (for now, anyway). I don't know what the future holds, but right now, I am treasuring every precious minute. Miracles do happen! and water does get spilled on the laptop! and then another miracle happens, it's ok, and then I thank my HP again!! I'm really rambling, but I'm just writing words as they come to me, so please forgive my ramblings :) ,TLC
Annie