The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just want to check with the interpretations of steps 1,2,3.
Step 1: to realize I have lost control, can't manage anymore
Step 2: to realize I need a help from a higher power in order to heal (family, friends, Al anon, God, etc.)
Step 3: to realize I can only do my best & nothing more, whatever it is, that I cannot do for my A what he's suppose to do for himself. After doing all that I can, the rest will be what it is; the rest is up to fate, God, etc.
Step 1: to realize I have lost control, can't manage anymore
*******This is part of step 1. Realizing that your life has become unmanageable. The other extremely important part of Step 1 is to admit and accept that you are powerless over alcoholism/addiction. For me, when I worked this step, it was quite obvious that my life had become unmanageable. That wasn't hard to realize and accept. I felt like I was hanging on to my one last strand of sanity at that point in my life. Now the other part of step 1, admitting that I was powerless over alcoholism/addiction (my A altogether actually) was a bit harder for me. When I looked back on all I'd done to stop him from using and agreed that nothing at all worked, I could *admit* my powerlessness. But for me *accepting* it was much harder. I held onto this nagging feeling that there must be something I had not thought to try yet. Or maybe if I tried something I had already tried, but this time tried HARDER....just maybe.... Nope! If I was totally honest with myself I had to not only admit but also accept my powerlessness to cure my A. It was only then that step 1 helped me and I felt that a huge burden had been lifted. As if..... ok.....it's really not my responsibility to fix so I can stop trying. I am unable to fix this no matter what I try. Step 1 naturally leads into step 2 where you said:
Step 2: to realize I need a help from a higher power in order to heal (family, friends, Al anon, God, etc.)
*******Yes, you pretty much summed this one up. If I am indeed powerless and my life is unmanageable, then obviously I cannot fix my problems myself. Therefore I must turn to a power greater than myself and trust that that power can restore me to sanity. For step 3 you said:
Step 3: to realize I can only do my best & nothing more, whatever it is, that I cannot do for my A what he's suppose to do for himself. After doing all that I can, the rest will be what it is; the rest is up to fate, God, etc.
*****Not so much *after* doing all that you can. That is still assuming you have the power to cure this. Why wear yourself out doing all that you can, when you've already admitted and accepted no matter what you do, it won't work as far as alcoholism/addition go? Instead, this step is the natural next move to make after completing step 2........we now turn our will and our lives over to our Higher Powers care. The HP that we came to believe in step 2 could restore us to sanity. If we accept that we can't restore ourselves to sanity, (powerlessness) and we now believe there is a power greater than ourselves out there, (step 2) isn't it now obvious that we need to turn to that Higher Power (God of our understanding) and give him the reins to our lives, so HE can restore us? Give our will over to him? It helped me to think about it as me being in the drivers seat, driving around and around in circles and getting nowhere but exhausted....and now in step 3 I gladly move over to the passenger seat and allow a very capable driver (my Higher Power) to take over the driving for me. I love the quote: I can't, He can, I think I'll let Him.
I hope this helps. I also hope you have the help of a sponsor while working the steps. Doing it on our own just doesn't cut it. To get the most benefit, you really must work these steps with someone who has worked them already and can guide you, just as they were guided.
__________________
Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
I just wanted say hello. I am pretty new to this as well. I am also recovering AA and have been working the steps for over 10 years now.
But I couldn't apply those same steps in ALANON. I finally let go of my pride and got a sponsor. Working the ALANON program has been a wonderful experience so far, and I now realize that there is no way I could be doing this kind of work without help. I belong to several online groups and also go to f2f meetings as well.
I am not sure if we ever get them right all the time. I think we are just supposed to keep working on it, one day at a time.
Hi Babs. This just my suggestion: quite you mind completely, and then listen to your heart. This might take some practice. You can use any advice or suggestions tools to work with, or not. However, ultimately it is in your heart that you find the answer to you question.
You are on the right track - Aly said it quite well. "Let Go, Let God" is a great Mantra, as is the Serenity Prayer - use them as much as you need, you can't break 'em!
The 3 Step Waltz will keep you on the right track - just don't be afraid. We care, and we're here! HP won't let you down - just remember that HP doesn't always work the way we want - sometimes HP's miracles are much better than we could hope for, but can't see it until its in the rearview mirror!
For Me, Step One: Admitting "we" are powerless over alcohol (first part)
.......... (I cannot control other people! and situations!)
and our lives have become unmanageable (2nd part)
...........(my life is a shambles, fallen apart, etc.)
I work this two-part step until I get it!
Step Two: Came to Believe that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity.
Came (start to begin)
Came to (slowly)
Came to Believe.... (just believe)
that a Power Greater than myself......(find out what my belief system is or my
God of my understanding, Higher Power, Creator, spirituality)
...Can restore me to sanity...
(Lord, knows I cannot restore me to anything, I have tried and tried to know avail!)
Sanity--for me this is clearer thinking, saner thinking, better behavior(s), saner behaviors, to be able to stop doing the same thing over and over and over....getting the same results.
STEP THREE---Made a Decision---Simply Make a Decision
to turn my will ----will-(my thoughts and feelings)
and my life---(life--actions)
over to the Care of God (notice the word "Care" meaning a loving God, HP
[The biggy here: the words: Turn Over! Part of the acceptance process of Letting Go!]
as I understood Him.
This is how I do the First three Steps. I have studied the Alanon Book "Paths to Recovery"
for working the 12 steps, and I highly recommend it...Available at alanon meetings, here, and alanon website.
I like to think of Step 3 as "Turning my life over to a better manager", I have done a lousy job so far.
thanks you've cleared up step 3 a bit more for me. I don't have a sponser yet. I'm new 6 days to recognition. Only went to 1 f2f, I plan on others. I will look for a sponser. thanks
Keep going back to those f2f meetings. Mine spun off a small step study group and we are on our fourth step now. I had tried doing them by myself, and then with a sponsor, but the small group really works for me. Your home group may have such step study meetings available. We are using "Paths to Recovery" as well, writing our answers and sharing them in the small group.
Some of the folks in my step study group are on their third, fourth, or even fifth working of the steps, and they say it's different every time. We are peeling layers off the onion of our selves, as they say, so we'll have different answers to the same questions depending on where we are on our journey.
For me, the first step is all about control. It's not just the A's drinking - I don't have an active A in my life right now - but just about everything else in my life! It really helped me let go. The second step was about belief and faith. This one is hard for some folks who have had bad experiences with a HP figure, but I have always had a strong connection - if not a very frequent one - with my HP. And the third step is the best, if also the one you have to remind yourself to do every day, because it takes the responsibility off your shoulders. I have an image of "kicking it upstairs" - the buck doesn't stop at my desk, I can send the problem up the corporate ladder to my HP and know it's handled!
A God Box is a handy thing to have. Find yourself a container of some sort, something that means something to you or it could be a tupperware or an envelope, and when you get to a problem that seems unsolvable or you're obsessing over it, write it down and put it in the God Box. It's amazing how that simple action can stop worrying about something over which you have no control. My first, interim sponsor told me about that right off the bat and it was great. You can go back later and look at the problems, most have probably either been solved or they're not an issue anymore!
