The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am happy tonight i got to go to my first f2f meeting and I felt great after. My Sister in law went together and at first we were the only ones there... worried then another girl joined. It wasn't what i thought but it was good, great. My A came home and i just told him that i was going out, did'nt tell him where and i was going to lie but if he asks i will just tell him. Enough is enough I will not let him make me fear the consequences of my actions to better myself!! Taking back me!
Any how after D and i discussed our past and how me comming to her got in the way of our friendship before and that i didn't want that to happen again. So now that we both need alanon and understand the disease we now realise that we can share and talk about it with out it interfearing. YEA for us. We both shared tonight about my A and our lives and how we ended up where we are. I felt close to her again in a way that i haven't for a while.
Tonight i also relized that my regression in my relationship with my is is because my very bussy life has slowed down and now i spend more time at home and more time to so stinkin thinkin. To know and realize that what i have to do for me and work on My recovery and actually putting thoes things in to motion are two different things. Knowing and doing. I have to do!!! Get on with taking my life back!
I have been wondering alot about my choices and if i am horible for bringing two kids in to this life... Had i realized before would i have still chose to have kids with him?? I have now regrets though. I am greatful for my kids and i just hope that in the future they don't blame me for their life with an A dad. Just thinking about that...
I know i have so much to work on and i plan on doing that and when my A asks me about the meetings I plan to tell him that for my sanity I need this for me and for him.. To find serenity in this situation and to be able to continue living with him and be loving.
I have surrendered to my hp and know that my A has no intention in seeking any kind of recovery or even admiting that he has a problem and know anything i have to say about that will not change. Who in his position would want to change he constantly reminds me that he has a great life. He comes and goes as he pleases and does what he wants when he wants and has me at home cooking and cleaning, feeding him and keeping his laundry done. He does have a great life and some times i resent that. I plan on working on detaching with love as i have observed that i have been miserable these past few weeks and he has been to so in turn if I am happier he will be to and that has already began to change as I have adjusted my attitude and reminding myself of all the things that I am greatful for.
My A and I talked briefly about him threatening me about going elsewhere for sex and he told me that he would never ever cheat on me. His dad did that to his mom and it affected him alot and I know deep down that he wont do it and I am going to try to believe in him.(More stinkin thinkin) I also let him know why i am feeling the way I am and just put it out there for him. I guess it was on my part trying to let him understand how his disease is affecting me. I hope my honesty will not end up bitting me in the butt.
Wow JJ, good for you! Sounds like you have the ball rolling in the right direction!!
"I have been wondering alot about my choices and if i am horible for bringing two kids in to this life... Had i realized before would i have still chose to have kids with him?? I have now regrets though. I am greatful for my kids and i just hope that in the future they don't blame me for their life with an A dad. Just thinking about that."
Just remember: You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it, but maybe as you learn more about the disease, it will help all of you. It is certainly a family disease as it affects everyone.
I found as I learned more about the disease, through coming to Alanon, it really helped me change my attitude about it. My attitude change helped our relationship. Instead of treating him like 'the enemy' I learned that he is still the wonderful man he always was, but is under the influence of a horrific disease!
Keep going to your meetings, keep coming here, and prayers for you and your family! TLC
I too am where you are. I can so relate. I'm stuck on step 3, understand it, but doing it is another thing I must practice. You go to meetings for yourself. If your A is sick, you don't need to be sick either. So you go for help. You get yourself strong. Great to go with your sister-in-law, but in case she can't go, go anyway for yourself. I've also found out when I can't go to a meeting, I keep a personal diary. It helps get things off my chest & onto the computer. Then I can close/exit it out & be done with it for that day. Try it, it can't hurt.
keep going to different meeting till you have a better feeling. I hear some people go to different meetings all the time, some go to 2 different groups, others just to one. But compare & then decide. Just don't decide on one visit. Have a good day today.
