The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Many of you know me from the chat room because I spend a lot of time there.
You may have noticed my mission of late is to try to remind others that we should be ever mindful that we have many aa members in our room as well as alanon. When we "bash" alcoholics in general we don't usually remember that we are bashing other members.
I am as guilty of this as anybody and I offer amends to anybody I have hurt with my thoughtless words.
Likewise, lots of us girls forget there are men in the room and we bash the opposite sex without thinking.
Remember WE ARE ALANON, our strength is in our unity. Please all join me in tryin to be more courteous to others in the room.
I know we all need to vent--don't get me wrong. I'm not askin everybody to stop venting--our room is a great place to let go. Perhaps venting about your personal alcoholic or your personal member of the opposite sex would be more appropriate than just venting about men or alcoholics in general.
Let's all work together to make our room a great place.
Thank you for the reminders Dittie. These are things it is good for us to be ever mindful of as we work in the program. Paths to Recovery addresses this also in its chapter on Tradition One. The more I read of the literature and the more I listen to "oldtimers" in the program, the more aware I become of just how the program works and how I can use this program to progress myself. I truly begin to see the necessity of applying all the program tools..the Steps, the Traditions, the Concepts, etc. They all work together in harmony to help us to become harmonious.
Learning these principles of the program has truly helped me also in my communication with others. I apply "Take What You Like and Leave the Rest" quite often. I also apply QTIP - Quit Taking It Personally. Just these 2 slogans put together help me to not get offended and fly off at the mouth at another member. I am ever mindful of the time when I was a brand new member and saw an "oldtimer" trying to direct the flow of conversation in the chat room towards focus on self, rather than ranting/bashing. At that time I did not understand why this oldtimer was doing that and got rather upset over it, thinking they were trying to "control". How very wrong I was. True, we DO need to unburden ourselves at times of things on our mind and can end up ranting. This is extremely common especially for newcomers. I personally believe this is necessary - to get those feelings out in the open. Once that is done though, I believe the only way to progress is to start listening/reading and focus on self and what we can do to apply the program. A person who does nothing but rant is only harming themself, not allowing any ESH (experience, strength, hope) to penetrate in. Those with ESH try to share their stories, how they progressed. If we refuse to listen, if we are too busy ranting on and on, we lose any benefit of hearing this ESH and seeing a different way of being. Of course we can not force anyone to listen, any more than we can force the alcoholic to quit drinking. All we can do is apply the program ourself as best as we know how at our stage in it, to be willing to both listen and share. Some of us have more to overcome than others - I keep that in mind also.
I find for myself that working this program is a humbling experience. Humbling in that I am constantly finding things about myself that I need to work on, things that I have been guilty of doing that I've yelled at others for doing. So easy to find the faults of others and be blind to the same thing in myself. I appreciate this program for helping me to "see" myself in this.....and isn't that what it is all about? To "see" ourself, rather than others. To "see" the changes we are making in ourself, rather than making changes in others (which we can't do anyway lol). Although, sometimes when we change, others around us respond and change also. And therein lies the key I think. Isn't it so much easier to be happy and nice when you are around someone else who is the same? "Let It Begin With Me" - rather than focus on how everyone else needs to change, I need to focus on my needs of change and lead by example. And when I falter, when I slip - how grateful I am to be able to come to these rooms and find others who understand and who can help me to "see" me again and how to get back on the right path. Miracles in Progress....oh yes! WE are!!!
Luv, Kis
__________________
Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Did want to add another area that we all should be mindful of as well. The Alanon Preamble states "Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization, or institution; does not engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any cause." : however, a members personanl religious preference should not be put down, by joking or mocking. Our strength is in our unity, and we all need each other in our road to recovery.
I would like to say that the above was nicely put. Being a newbie to this program i think it is vital that others like me need to be aware of those things that are considered acceptable and unacceptable in this wonderful place that with time we will realize is our savior. Something that we should not take forgranted.
I definately agree. I also would like to add for people to be sensitive when joking around about other issues such as lesbians, even though it seems like only fun and joking to them at the time. cdb
Most or all of the good information that is found in Al-anon did not originate in Al-anon. I learnt the following after 48 years of doing wrong and being wronged and while in prison. Without worded thought, I concluded that I would need a new social rulebook to go by if I wanted to stop being punished. At the top of the list, was for me to be kind always, even, especially when I least wanted to be kind. Being unkind in a chat room or other particular place is indicative of being unkind in general. Being unkind is an addiction, a way of life. I am sure that one addicted to being unkind cannot effectively stop being unkind in a particular place or time as in the chat room. One needs a life change to break the addiction to being unkind. Well, that is how it worked for me. And, I am not perfect at yet, for sure. The only person that I heard was perfect was crucified. Oh, at first being kind was just new rule in a new rulebook that I needed to heed. Jeez, then after a long while of practicing to be kind, I found out it was tremendously fun to be kind. First punishment drove me to try to be always kind, and now fun pulls me to try to be always kind.
