The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over this past weekend there was an incident that I had to face. Although things have been so different with my A, he is in a controlled drinking state. Has been for the last year. He crossed the line and was extremely intoxicated at home while we had company. He hasn't done cocaine in about a year which has changed his behavior for the better. However someone who was at our house smokes pot. My A has done this maybe 3 times in his whole life. I couldn't find my A and went outside. He and this other guy were in the garage smoking. I was ANGRY. I dealt with my anger, I felt in a mature manner. I turned and walked away. This then made him angry. (LOL that I was angry????) When he returned to the house I steped outside on the porch to smoke a cigarette....he sat inside saying that I had no right to be angry that I was a controlling b****....along with more....I was so hurt and am still hurt by his outburst in front of people.....after most people left later just two of my coworkers left he decided that he was leaving. They pulled thier cars into our driveway to block cars. (I couldn't decide if I should just let him drive, but chose to let them block the cars as an inncocent person on the road should not pay for his loss of judgement) He stood in the yard and street calling me more names and threatened divorce....
Of course when I returned from work yesterday he apoligized, I am not sure if he knows what he is even apoligizing for.
So the reminder to myself is to continue to work my program, I have become lazy with it and have not ben doing my readings and affrimations. I don't want to start doing the dance again that I did for so many years.
I can relate with what you went through with your AH. Mine is at the controlled drinking and using (RX pain meds) phase too.
We had scheduled a little gathering with some friends the weekend before Christmas. AH comes home 2 hours before the party is supposed to start. I have done all of the work to prepare for this party. We walks in all doubled over acting like he is sick as a dog. He went straight to bed. I am about 99% sure that this is just one of his 'sick episodes'.
So, what should I do? Cancel the party? Have everyone come over with the possiblity of him REALLY being sick and exposing everyone else to it? I decided that the party shall go on without him.
2 hours after our party started he came out of the bedroom, telling everyone that it was probably food poisining. Please....
I found out a couple weeks later that he had stopped by a friends house earlier in the day and was drinking there. So, my gut feeling was right.
My point.... like you were feeling, I too was ANGRY. Very angry. I wanted to tell everyone who was there that he is an alcoholic, pill popping, pain in the ass who I could not rely on for anything. But.....I did not. Instead, I practiced the teachings of alanon and I kept my mouth shut.
