The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I have had something going on in my life recently that has put "life into perspective" for me, in many ways.
For years I have watched news, Tv, about the "troops" both "American and british" In warzone areas. And I can honestly say, I never bothered much with them. It never affected my daily life, so, why should I bother....
I met a young man online, who was based in a Warzone We became inseperable, as much as we could online, We were chatting for hours every night, calling eachother, sending texts, and getting to know eachother bit by bit... We both has the same personality, sense of humour and we got on brilliant with eachother.
But before long, I realised "WOW, I was getting to know someone in a "warzone torn country" and I changed in many ways. I imagined things he was going through, I had "No Idea" because i had been Ignorant....
Before long I was "googling" finding out things about his lifestyle. And as the time went on and we got to know each other, my life changed. I became anxious, if he wasn't online everyday, I imagined the worst, I realised I was starting to care for him.
This went on for over two months, daily contact, and we became good friends, but he was still just a face in a picture and words on a screen.. Then he announced to me he had a "leave" coming up, and he would be coming home. WOW, after all these weeks, we were going to meet face to face.
As it turned out we met on "christmas day" and spend the day together. It was "special for me", we could look at eachother, we laughed, held eachother, it was no longer a fantasy....He is a lovely young man, caring, loving, happy, funny, just like me. We talked about eachother and some things that have went on in our lives...
He went back and, I am now discovering just how much of an "Impact" he has had on my life. I am struggling to let him go. I worry for his safety, his life. I watch the news, check the internet for news of the war. I had never done this in my life. I know that I have no control over anything in life except me. I also know that it is "His Choice", to be there, he has a job to do, and It's what he has made his life. But It does't remove the fear in me...
He walks tall, looks good, and I am "proud" of who he is. Of the person I met...
I watched a Documentary last night, about Afganastan. And I cried, because NOW I know someone who lives that life. I saw the dangers he faces every day, The conditions he lives in, the hate in the country. But most importantly I saw young men just like him. Some as young as eighteen years old. Going into battle feeling "excited to be using their training, feeling scared, but looking forward to being out there"....WOW, I cried... It showed the dangers of a plane full of young men coming into the country, and how they can be attacked on a daily basis.....
SO, I have experieced this now first hand. Caring for someone who is in a warzone.... I can now "feel" how the families of all these young men feel, in all army's.
I have saw articles of when a young soldier dies, what his family says..."he loved his job, he died doing what he loved".......And yes I can see that is very true..But to waste young lives in a horrible, terrifing conditions, is so sad....
So, I feel proud of all these soldiers, and everyone connected to the warzone.... It takes a man with " A Big heart" to stand infront of a "bullet" to save the life of others....
"Also the bond of all these people is amazing....they are all "Muckers" and thats something, no-one can take away from them....
"Remembering those who have fought and lost their lives", and praying for the men still fighting".
So, next time I have a day where nothing is going right for me, I need to stop, think, and look around me, and feel the "gratitude" of what I have, and what I don't have to face in my life, like some other people do...
I was a Royal Marines wife and now that little boy I talked about in my two funny stories, that five year old who was up in the loft with me when the beam broke is in HM Royal Marines too and has done many tours of duty in war zones, particularly seirra Leone, Bosnia, Kosova, Bagbad and other parts of Iraq and Afghanistan, and many other places that I am not even allowed to know the details of. I have thirty five years plus experience and I NEVER get used to it.
You learn how to cope with it, you accept it the best you can and you learn NOT to spend the whole of the day worrying and expecting the worst UNTIL you hear the worst, you just pray and thank God that they have got in touch with you again and they are safe for that day, until you hear the next time.
It is a great leveler, but it is hard and it is painful and it is something that you learn to be very proud of them for, for they all seem so determined to shelter those who are being mistreated, unjustly persecuted and try their best to fight for right. You weep with them when their friends/buddies are killed and injured and you pray and pray and pray.
I am immensely proud of my son and also very frightened for him each time he goes, but I would never let him see my fears, he needs to go with my blessing and my strength too, and see me strong and resilient. I suppose that is why I fall apart after he has left and I need someone to push my stuffing in and bind my fearsome heart.
Each time he comes back I know the relief and the wonder of his being well, and I mourn the loss of his friends with him and let him tell me of the horrors that wake him up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat shouting warnings.
I will keep your young man in my heart too and pray for him and his colleagues and I will also hold you close too.
pm me anytime you like for support. I will always be there for you. There is nothing to compare to the conditions, the fears, the bravery of all our young men and women who will give their all and even take the bullet to save someone else's life and stand tall for justice.
I so understand the point you made about not knowing until you were personally involved, that is so often the case, and many of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances just do not understand the implications, the day to day trauma and worry and fear one lives with, wondering if they will come home.
But honestly, we know from living with A's how others do not understand because they are not living with it, and this is just the say but different and harder to take for me. However, I would not have it any other way for I know what it means to that darling dear little boy now the grown up marine, doing his duty and not wanting to kill but wanting to be there to protect and make sure justice is done. He has fourteen years behind him now, and I wonder how many more times he will go out and come back to me. Each time gets harder to take for me, but I love and admire him for is dedication, courage and devotion to his fellow men and the way he calmly goes about life with a wonderful attitude of live, love, and laugh.His code is, forgive, be gentle and look for a wonder in the day ahead and fill each moment with good memories.
That is something we could all take a lesson from and take on board, in my opinion.
Thank You, You are truly a sister by my side, and I needed that post of yours.
So proud for you, Ally. Live and love each moment you have together.
HeartB
HeartB
-- Edited by Heartbroken at 14:24, 2008-01-26
-- Edited by Heartbroken at 14:26, 2008-01-26
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Both of your posts bring tears to my eyes. My 2nd son, Simon, was deployed January 13th and is in Kuwait right now being acclimatized and then his MP unit moves on to their post (somewhere north of Baghdad I believe). I cling to my program tools whenever this topic comes up. My lovely program friends remind me he has his own HP who is watching over him. And Heartbroken is right... they don't need to see our tears and fears. I left him at the airport with a huge hug, a big smile, an "I love you, stay safe". Watched him walk down the terminal hall to his gate - this time he glanced back once, all his previous visits he never looked back once he went through the security gate. That smile was still planted firmly on my face. I cried walking back to the car outside. First time for that too. Yes, it is scary. Yes, there are all kinds of things that could happen. But I don't allow myself to dwell on that. Today is all that can matter. Today he is fine and so its a good day. I haven't heard from him in several days, but I know he's ok. I check the websites of his buddies who are there with him. One made a special website where he is journaling his thoughts and happenings while deployed over there. He posted about their bus ride from the airport to the base where they are staying. How they had to keep these special curtains shut across the windows because of possible sniper fire. And so on...
I asked Simon "why". His response was "my going means someone else gets to come home." How, in the chaos of this disease, did I manage to raise a son like him? Surely HP had a hand in that. I thank God I had a program when he enlisted, that I had program friends to talk to and who helped me get my own head on straight with his decision. I hate that he is there - but I am very proud of the man he has become. I pray he comes home safe. I wish there wasn't a reason for his even being there. I'm sure the moms on the other side pray the same way I do. Sad stuff.
((((((((((((Hugs))))))))) to both of you.
Love, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Thought not to respond and then decided that seeing my own honesty out there is okay too. My son-in-law is "over there". He is an Apache pilot. I do not see this war the way he sees it or your friend sees it. I accept that others have their own perspectives and actions and reactions to those perspective because of their choices as to how they fit to it. My son-in-law is therefore the husband of my daughter and the father of my two grandsons. They get his paycheck and the daily hope that his Apache doesn't get shot out from under his butt as many of them have already in this bogus corporate/military monopoly game. If his Apache goes down his chances are nil at getting out alive. He has already had some "close encounters" from both sides of the zone...his own and the bad guys whoever they are for that day.
I have military experience. I have had my hand at putting down the bad guys. I wasn't married and had no children to throw into the sacrafice and since becoming a qualified member of the AFG I have learned that there is absolutely no justification for violence. My own present day belief after a history of the opposite. My HP affirms that belief and behavior in this present 24 hours and because of that affirmation I no longer subscribe to it...no matter what governing body of men and/or women are in office. My son-in-law made a previous commitment; the consequence of fulfilling that commitment with a loving like-minded wife is more supportive of a real on-going peace than doing what he is doing now. Again that is my perspective based upon my age and experiences. He and I acknowledge that doing the corporate/military business is opposed to HP's will but...he then refers to another set of justifications. I have come to dispise the smell of fear as I use to carry it myself for years. And he will detatch from any conversation we have that brings up my perspective of the situation.
I also have detached without holding my breath. Who am I or who are my family that my Son-in-Law should be so more blessed than any other soldier alive or dead? The enemy doesn't hold a list of exclusions. My Son-in-Law as good a man, person, father, soldier, child of God that he is is a willful target. I am not so much fearful as I am powerless. My HP knows my hopes as well as I know my HP's will. HP's hoping I follow and I'm hoping my HP thinks my son-in-law, his wife and sons and their families are better off whole than broken.
I wish the same and feel the same, think the same and hope the same for your friend.
