Please allow myself to introduce myself. I am new here, and I am searching for a new beginning. Some years ago, while single(Newly divorced), my youngest son who was a whiz at the computer said "Mom, you can talk to people on the PC." I quickly responded with: " You mean I have to type?" " What if I get carpo tunnel?" So, reluctantly I tried, and after a few attempts found it to be BORING. I tried again, and soon found it to be entertaining. That was it, I was soon (addicted) to this form of communication with the world! LOL! And in the midst of my entertainment at my newly found source of meeting people, I began to talk to a man who lived just a few hours from me. This became my passion, to meet him, and form a relationship. We met, and I soon found myself relocating to begin a new life. After all, he made promises to me(though they were empty), and despite "red flags", I chose to go for it. Our relationship quickly soured, and he cheated, so I left. Once more I found myself alone. Again while on the PC I met yet another man.(Imagine that). I was reluctant, and cautious, and then "poof" he became prince charming, and soon had me in his grips. We exchanged email addys, then after some courage phone numbers, and then met in person. He was very attentive to me and my needs, and semed to be the perfect gentleman. I relocated to live with him, and gave up my home, and job. Our relationship was quick, the whirlwind kind. After a year he proposed, and I said yes. Despite that, I was given no ring. He told me he was broke, but couldn't live without me. It didn't seem to fit. So, I reassured him and myself that we would work something out if we really both wanted a future together, and to build a life together. So, the (ring) I wear, is the ring I purchased, and he placed on my hand. It is embarassing to me, though I have never told anyone. His moods, and behavior once he showed his true self to me, were like nothing I had ever witnessed. I began to doubt him, and said things like, "Who are You?" He always seemed to dismiss his behavior as a bad day at work, always having an excuse to take the attention away from him. I thought "What an odd duck he is." Yet, I fell in love with him, and I wanted to feel loved, and needed, and accepted. So, we married. It has been four years, and it seems like I have been in a "coma", because it seems like my former self is no longer in existance. Well, this past February I began a hunt on the PC, doing research on his behavior. I was amazed to find that my life was written on so many pages. In the form of abuse! He has persistently put me down, dimishes my self worth, and ability. He has a controlling behavior, yells/shouts, and uses intimidation as a form of communication. He has no knowledge of a budget, he is constantly wasting money, at the risk of losing the home we live in. He wants to be around me all the time. He wants to know what I am doing constantly. We dumped our land line, and now that we use cell phones, he wants to monitor me DAILY! He doesn't like when I don't respond to him, and after numerous calls from him, he then sends me a text asking where I am? He has road rage, his bad day is always the fault of another(or he thinks so). Up until some time ago, I had been afraid of him, he threatened me asking me to never walk away from him in a moment of his rage. I ignored this simple request of his, and said "watch me," as I did just that, I walked away. He came after me. I went outside to re-group my brain cells. He flung open the door and without a blink of an eye he asked me if I wanted to sit on my (f-in) a** and just smoke? (I am trying to quit). I know the neighbors saw, and heard, and I didn't care. My business, my life, if you don't like it don't look. Since that day, I have been working on self improvement, and doing what I need to do for "ME." I am still married, but to an alcoholic. He has had a number of years of sobriety, but he does NOT follow the program. Not religously as he should. He continues to make excuses like he always does. So, I am seeking the support of friends and family to help me live my life again. Thank-you for listening, and for your time! I may be bruised but I WILL heal!