The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was just reading the last post and thinking about how happy we are when things just fall together. We rejoice in it and feel relief. I can't even count the number of times I have let everything go to HP with the real belief that everything would fall together and without fail when I am intent on doing something and it is the right thing for me to do everything falls together. If you sit and ponder everything that had to be in place for something to work it is truly miraculous. If this hadn't happened then the next thing in the chain of events never would have and the end result would be totally different.
I try to apply this to things falling apart too and I feel like my biggest problem was that I was trying constantly to keep things from falling apart, trying to fight against the flow of the chain of events. Sometimes it seems like it was prolonging the inevitable and increasing the pain for everyone. We so easily welcome the mystery of things falling together but never think in terms of things falling apart being part of that chain of events, perhaps because it is painful and we don't want to face the unknown? We all have been in painful situations where it hurts then and maybe for a while after but we get better and the pain lessens and upon reflection that painful thing turned out to be good for us. Just like having a baby. You know what's coming, you dread it and fear it but it is coming like it or not there is no changing this. Looking back the pain is not as memorable as in the midst of it when it seems it will never end.
If we could just see things falling apart as the first link in the chain of events to things being wonderful then maybe we could just let the events fall as they will and wait for the ending. It may not make it any less painful in the moment but at least we know deep down that it will lead us toward eventual happiness.
CG, great observation. I agree wholeheartedly and have experienced this also! Its like death being the flipside of life, for me. In buddhism there is this teaching called The Four Ends: End of Birth is Death, End of Meeting is Parting, End of Accumulation is Exhaustion and the End of Building is Destruction. This is the cyclical nature of samsara and necessary in order to learn, gain enlightenment, etc.- you can go through and reverse them as well: the end of Death is Birth, and so on. Reminds me a little of what you are bringing up here. Great topic- Hugs, J.
I am so glad you posted this as I hadn't thought about the chain of events that is suppose to happen. If I don't just go through what ever it is, painful or not, too buzy trying to keep things from falling apart then it's like swimming up river......... which I know is very hard for me. Rainbows after the storm, and many things can't get to renewal without the storm, conflict or crisis first. Easy does it, Just see what happens, It is what it is, One day at a time and lay still to hear HP and to float down river with the current. Makes it sound like the possibility of a lazy day sipping lemonade while we float down river. This visual and all you posted will be a tremendous help for me the next time I find myself thrashing, coming up for air and trying to swim upriver again against the current.
Thanks CG and interesting teachings about the Four Ends too Jean- thks also for sharing this.
hugs,ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
For me that involves having such enormous faith. Obviously I am still here and to some extent I should not be. I think I also did not want to see the A fail as he was so intent on failing. I think I failed myself too so often by not being self preserving.
