The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Something has been bugging me lately. I couldnt put my finger on it. But it finally got through to me that I miss my friend. She was the first friend I had in this program, the only one there at my very first meeting. She was my rock and knew that, more than anything, I needed someone to listen to me, to really hear what I felt. She was the first one to do that for me in many years, maybe ever.
Since then there have been problems. As I got to know her better, her character defects began to show. She wasnt perfect. Some stuff happened and I realized that I couldnt trust her like I thought I could. I was angry for a while.
Then not too long ago she started a job that took her away from our home group. It has been weeks since I have seen her.
The separation must have been needed for me to finally see it. I love this woman. I feel like I have been estranged from my Al-Anon mom. I suddenly realize that I miss her terribly. And I realize that Im really not that mad anymore. The things she did were hurtful to me, yes, but there was so much more that she did for me that was caring and compassionate.
I didnt mean to put her on a pedestal. She is human and I think that shocked me. We all are human. We do things that hurt each other, mostly with good intentions. We all have character defects. I am learning through these happenings not to take them personally. I am learning that no matter how much sobriety, or how long in Al-Anon, we are all still imperfect human beings.
Now I know I can trust my friend. I can trust her to be human. I can trust her to make mistakes and to work her own program. And I know I can trust myself to try not to take it personally.
I think tomorrow, Ill give my friend a call.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Loved this post. I can really relate. I have a friend in my life who I thought was infallible. Very supportive, very wise. Someone who just "got me". Then out of nowhere, this person said a couple of things, and did a couple of things that really let me down. I thought they wouldn't do that. We remain very close, but that little bit has always stayed with me. So I liked what you said about being able to now trust that they are human and will make mistakes. How very true. I call upon the world to forgive my mistakes and insensitivity all of the time. I need to remember to do the same. ~R3
Nice post. Yes we are all human. I remember way back when my best friend and I didn't talk to each other for a couple of years. We had been best friends since kindergarten. But we had a falling out and we were at different places in our lives. It took her Dad's passing for us to reconcile. I think her Dad had a plan for us. Now all is well, and while we don't get the opportunity to talk as often as we like, I know I can count on her. She lives on one coast, I on the other. But I know if push came to shove, we'd be there in a heartbeat for each other. Sometimes relationships need a break. That's okay. Hope everything works out for you two. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
"Now I know I can trust my friend. I can trust her to be human. I can trust her to make mistakes and to work her own program. And I know I can trust myself to try not to take it personally.
I think tomorrow, Ill give my friend a call."
((((Jen))))
It comes as a shock at first when the friend we see as infallible proves to be fallible. It takes courage to admit that we had put them on a pedestal, and it takes even more courage to accept them 'warts and all'.
GO FOR IT. I am sure you have enough hurt in your life without having this one. Remember the prayer:
God Grant me the SERENITY To ACCEPT the things I cannot change, The COURAGE to change the things I can, And the WISDOM to know the difference.
Well you just got the SERENITY to ACCEPT and the COURAGE to change and the WISDOM to know, IN THIS SITUATION. Wonderful.
[Hope this does NOT come over as patronising, for it is not, I am just so delighted and happy for you, 'cos I went through that with a friend of mine some years ago, we celebrate our 35th anniversary this year.]
Love, HeartB
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
I am learning that no matter how much sobriety, or how long in Al-Anon, we are all still imperfect human beings.
And I know I can trust myself to try not to take it personally.
I think tomorrow, Ill give my friend a call.
Your friend is very fortunate!!!!!!
I read a book, and reread it many, many times about not taking what others say or do personally. It explained, very simply 'why' we shouldn't take things personally. I didn't 'get it' at first. But it finally sunk in. At times, I do catch myself taking something personally; when the realization really sinks in, I have to laugh at myself.
Your post will help others see themselves. Perhaps others will be calling their friends, too.
Stormie