The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i have been reading this forum for the last couple of days and i am freaking shocked at the similarities of my situation and your's. i so lost my mind with the crazyness of it all. it never occured to me to look into alanon because we were "both" supposed to be in recovery. i have been sober many years, he was several years in n.a. i felt like i was totally crazy. could not figure out what the hell was going on, kept trying to love him more, be there for him ect. there was no pleasing him, every thing i did was wrong somehow. i had so much denial, i kept thinking that if we just applied the principals of the program we could work out our problems. i was getting therapy and got better at boundries, so he left and i dont know why i thought he was coming back. the next thing i know is he calls and wants to bring his stuff cause his girlfriend is drunk and he is moving out. i so screwed up letting him come over, the upshot is that they were just having a fight, i got burned for some money and the worst broken heart i have ever had. he and her live together, she still drinks and i have no contact with him. it has been hell getting through this. i am so grateful i found this place, i have been so helped already reading your posts. you have given me hope, and lessoned that horrible feeling of being completely insane, what he said and what he does are such different things, i feel like i was hit by a fleet of trucks. thanks for letting me vent, i know i will get better! god bless!
I have been on both sides of the fence, both in AA and Alanon. Unfortunately I threw 4 years sober out the window over a boyfriend who had also been sober and relapsed after 2 years. It certainly wasn't worth it, and he hooked up with an active addict/alcoholic. They are still married after 16 years.
Just keep your own recovery first and foremost!
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Codependence can be pretty difficult to grasp. Now I am working it I feel so much better. But for a long long long time (really most of my life) I felt absolutely awful.
Welcome to MIP fairee. Many of us have been where you are. My AHsober left. The dry drunk was way worse than living with the A. Lots of experience, strength, and hope here. Keep coming back.
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
