drama making me sicker this morning - Al-Anon Family Group

omajoy · Senior Member

drama making me sicker this morning

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((omajoy)))))

I have been told to stop and breath, stay in the moment, and sometimes you have to live one minute at a time. My son is in a similar situation with his girlfriend, the new baby and another man. It is nothing but drama. I am trying to set my boundaries. It is his drama! And no amount of money (it always comes down to my money) or words (he never takes my advice) has helped. Bless that baby but I am truly powerless over my son's situation. I practice knowing that I may lose the baby and my son. So we all have a higher power. I don't think that the HP takes the situation away but gives us the strength to accept it.

Keep coming back omajoy,

In support,
Nancy

Tenderheartsks · ~*Service Worker*~

After almost 15 years of trying to 'fix' my oldest daughter, I finally realized just how futile those attempts were.

I am a firm believer that our children are a gift from God, we never 'had' them to begin with, but rather are given the opportunity to parent them as best as we can, and then let go as they grow up.

I have very little communication with my oldest daughter now. She occasionally calls, but that is it.

God has a plan for her just like he had/has for me, and I am working hard to stay out of the driver's seat and let God's plan work for her.

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((Oma))))))))))))),

Do you ever go into chat?

If not, please try it. You have instant support if someone is in the room.

I can tell you because I've had to do it myself. Please sweet lady, "let go and let God" Tell yourself this over and over and over again all day long until you get it. Learning how to change our behaviors is the hardest thing I've ever done. But my old enabling, holding on behaviors were killing me (and those around me as well). When I finally let go and let God, my life turned around for the best.

Don't let any of them blame you for something you haven't done. That's what "sick" people do! They blame others. I used to be one of them. Now I take responsibility for any real mistakes that I've made and make amends. I DO NOT take responsibility for what others think I should do.

When I finally got "sick and tired of being sick and tired," was I willing to take Step 1 -

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (or our alcoholics), that our lives had become unmanageable

did my life begin to change. It sounds like you are at Step 1. Just sit down and say to your higher power, "please help me, I can't do this anymore." Surrender your will and see what happens.

You don't say if you attend meetings. If you don't, please do!!! This forum is amazing but there's no substitution for getting to meetings, beginning the steps, getting a sponsor to help you with the steps.

much love to you today as you struggle,
Maria

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh Oma, I'm so sorry you hurt. I know the drama just sucks the life right out of you. Let go and let God is really the best advice I can give. I know it doesn't seem like much. We want so bad to fix, fix, fix it. But this is a disease that just escalates if we feed it, and trying to fix it is always feeding it. The more we try to fix our sick loved ones the more we give them fodder to blame away all their problems. They will blame us and the man-in-the-moon if we listen to them.

I stopped listening to my AH when he wanted to blame anyone or thing else for his trouble. I stopped listening to excuses. He got mad for awhile because I just started telling him, "Yeah, there's always an excuse, right? It's always out of your control, poor thing. It's always someone elses fault, right?" I just refused to accept his excuses and be his sounding board for all his troubles that he didn't want to put any effort into fixing. I know this seemed harsh and I'm sure I could have found a nicer way to say it, but it sure saved my sanity and did not feed his disease. Later, when he started to get better, I started using Alanon on him. LOL I'd ask him, "Ok, so now what are you going to do about your problem?"

You relationship with ex-dil is really none of your sons business. His relationship with her is none of your business. Do not accept the blame for her actions or his. Allowing him or her to drag you into the middle of it is a bad place to be as you already know. You cannot help from there you can only stir it up more by giving them a sounding board to escalate their greivances. You do not have to talk to him about it or listen to him rant and accuse.

Just my experience. Hope it helps.

In recovery,

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Oma , have u ever noticed that when we try keep things running smoothly , that every one ends up mad at us ?? that little realization is what finally smartened me up , helping you dil with grandchild is a good thing , I know how important that is to you . when son accuses u of helping her instead of defending yourself ( which he isn't hearing anyway) simply reply I am sorry u feel that way , conversation is over . key word is ex - wife she has a right to carry on with her life . leave communication about your sons relationship with his son to them - get out of the middle join the circle and let them work this stuff out . I have been where your at and it isn't easy . Love Louise

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