The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think it was Tiger (or someone) who posted recently about a movie or TV show that had a character that hit home and that happened to me recently. I never ever watch tv but I am house sitting in this place that has a huge one so I thought I would flip it on. There on the MASSIVE screen was this woman standing there looking at her feet, her head bowed. A huge belligerent redneck guy is verbally abusing her and ripping her up one side and down the other. My guts just froze solid. It was some reality TV show but it could have been me up there looking down at my feet!!! It was so shocking. I wanted to go hug that poor woman and then it hit me: I need to go hug that poor woman as in ME! I need to take care of her and protect her and be her best friend. I need to love her! A lightbulb went on over my head. This is what it means to love yourself and take care of yourself. Try seeing yourself outside of yourself some time, it works pretty darn good- and a huge flat screen TV helped me, too!!! Thanks for being here, listening and helping me to recover one day at a time. Hugs, J.
You know Jean, sometimes it does take just that, stepping outside of ourselves and seeing ourselves as others see us.
Yep, I have experienced that, and it was not on a large screen TV, it was here, in this family and it happens time and time again. I read someone's story and sit there frozen with horror of it all and then I realise that the horror is mine too;for they are telling my story and I have to step back and think about giving me a hug just as it is my first instinct to reach out and put my arms around them and hug them.
Loving them through their horror also helps me love myself through the realisation of the horror I have lived with.
Jean you are welcome to as many hugs as you want from me, just as surely as anyone else who is in need of one. We do well to remember ourselves as well as others here.
hugs - thank you Jean Heartbroken
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Jean - Funny you should mention this. Lately I've been doing just that. I've been stepping outside of myself and looking at me. Wow. I've got all these balls in the air that I'm juggling, and fears that I have, and lonliness that I feel - and when I step back from it I think, "Wow - this girl's making it. In spite of pain and heartbreak and all that....she's showing up for life every day. And I bet she could use a hug."
I'm starting to believe that there's something to all of this "be good to yourself" stuff. (Of course I've known this for some time now.....but maybe it's just now sinking in.) I should be treating myself as good as I treat others. I want more for this girl here. And I'm working real hard at making this happen. If I had been half as forgiving of myself, or loving of myself, or generous with myself - as I was with the A - then maybe this girl wouldn't have to be hurting so bad right now.
Interesting way of looking at things. Thanks Jean.
I had this kind of revelation when I was doing family-of-origin work. I learned to see that little girl, that I was, still inside me yearning for comfort. It is amazing to see, in my minds eye, myself as a small child being cuddled up and comforted. At one time I took it one step further and envisioned my AH as a little boy who had just lost his brother and hurt so bad, but had nobody to comfort him. Both imaginings still have the power to move me. It really helped me learn how to be more kind and loving to myself and others.
I'm so happy for you that you have found this insight.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I really try to be more loving towards myself these days. I also try to have lots of different goals going at a time. I try to set some achievable goals and I also try to reward myself.
