The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Back in the early 90s, I had a rare gift come my way. My alcoholic father died long ago. I never knew him as a younger man - he was already in his 40s and on his second marriage when I was born. My father was, in hindsight, a teenager who never grew up. He could be bitter and sarcastic, smug and irresponsible... but I remember him most fondly for his sense of humor. He could push my funny button like nobody else.
Now for the gift. My dad had a number of siblings, most of which I had little contact with. One uncle that I didn't know until late in life. He was a lot like my dad in terms of his personality and -isms. From what I can tell, he waffled between bouts of heavy drinking or teetotaling to the point of being a temperance crusader... and back again. He was always extremely religious - a "crackpot" one other relative called him. I really didn't get to know him until he was in his 70s. He still drank, but just occasionally - and I found him a lot of fun to be around, almost like having my dad back but mostly sober... we had a great time as long as we didn't discuss religion. To my knowledge he never went to AA. His own kids are split down the middle as to whether he was a great, wonderful father, or an overbearing, abusive, domineering ogre.
He once told me AA wouldn't save my soul. I told him I didn't go there to save my soul, I went there to save my ass. I think he understood... and from what I've been told by others, getting him to back off on religion was a major accomplishment. We spent much of our time together pointing fingers and laughing - both because we reminded each other so much of my late father.
My uncle has been gone for a while now, but I'm glad I got to know him - and it was only because my brother ignored decades of helpful family advice to steer clear of him, and contacted him anyway.
Gotta love that "helpful family advice" LOL. I know one thing for sure if you tell me not to do it I probably will just to see why you told me not to! There are people in my husband's family that tell me to avoid this person or that person or don't tell this person that. I don't play that game, I talk to who I want to talk to and tell what I want to tell and if you have something that shouldn't be told then you better not tell me!
Gotta love that "helpful family advice" LOL. I know one thing for sure if you tell me not to do it I probably will just to see why you told me not to! There are people in my husband's family that tell me to avoid this person or that person or don't tell this person that. I don't play that game, I talk to who I want to talk to and tell what I want to tell and if you have something that shouldn't be told then you better not tell me!
It's not just family that does it... back in grade school, there was a kid who was kind of a punk. In our little suburban, middle class setting I guess he was the closest thing we had to a rabble rouser or genuine juvenile delenquent. I never thought he was a bad guy, but the teachers, principal, et. al. all told me to stay away from him. Oddly enough, he was one of the few people who treated me decently - all of the "shining examples" looked down their noses at me, while the "punk" treated me as an equal even though I never went out shoplifting with him... LOL. I always wondered what became of him. Rumor was his "dad was an alcoholic"... back then, that was something whispered in the bathroom stalls. But I never forget anybody who was decent to me, especially in a setting where most people weren't. I have tried to google him and look him up - even searched court and prison databases... LOL. Found a few other people with the same name (not that common) but nobody that could have been him. Including some in Ireland... oh well. Wherever Eddie is today, I wish him well.
Loved that story!!! I tend to enjoy those "rabble rousers" too and have usually been treated well by those who society dismisses. Those are the ones with interesting lives!!!! (Yes, I'm finally putting my finger on what makes me tick!! lol) Sounds like your uncle was a real character - and what a gift that you got to know him!!!
