The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A couple of months ago, I came here as a mother in crisis. I needed to vent and I needed feedback and some tools. My recovering meth addict daughter and I had reached the end of our rope and possibly our relationship. I read and soaked up as quickly as I could your responses to me and to each other and well, I have to say as I continue to read everyday, haven't joined in because I feel a bit of guilt that things changed so quickly for me, and a bit apprehensive that if I shared all the good stuff, it would turn just as quickly back to bad stuff. The long and the short of it, we kicked her out of our home, a very difficult thing for me to do and something I fought for way too long. She was charged with possession and faced a felony conviction at the age of 20 and armed with the knowledge that she was responsible for her life, her actions and the consequences thereof for the first time, she grabbed the reigns and I sit in awe as I watch her grow. She has acquired a "real job", now has medical benefits and a retirement plan, she works a second job on her days off. She has been court ordered into two programs, intensive outpatient treatment and the diversion program, both which require attendence at meetings and group sessions and she has to attend NA meetings as well. She is randomly tested and so far, 3 in a period of 2 weeks all came back clean. She is also subject to random tests at her work. To the best of my knowledge she hasn't used meth in well over a year but I do know that pot was not on her list of things to avoid, it is now. I tried to call her the other day just to chat and she didn't answer. I got a text message, very brief, "Im in group". For a few brief seconds I reverted to the me who was obviously so in the way of her growth, thought to myself, what do you mean? I didn't know you had group. I'm suppose to know so I can call you 5 or 6 times, remind you you have group, piss you off so bad you don't want to go to group. Then I laugh at myself. She's alright. She's in control, and she wants to be in control. What a night and day change for our home life. We are doing well here. Thanks for the support when I needed it so much.
(((TONI))), I'm so happy to hear the great news about your daughters recovery, I pray that she continues to do well in the future, all the best, Keep working your program, taking care of you.
Yeah for your decission to stop enabling and yeahhhhhhh for your daughter to seek recovery for herself , who cares if it was court ordered , it takes what it takes . I am assuming u don't attend meetings for yourself I hope u will consider doing so the best way I know to support the A efforts is to have our own program where we learn to stay out of thier face and allow them the dignity to do it thier way . there will be times when even in sobriety relationships hit a wall , our program will make them easier to go thru rather than slam ourselves against. goodluck and give daughter a hug from me . and this one is for you * hugs * Louise
I'm so happy to hear how you have grown. What a wonderful gift you have given your daughter and yourself, just getting out of her way. Don't worry if things get crazy again. Your program and HP will pull you through and so will hers. Life has its ups and downs. It is a blessing for us all to have this program to teach us how to cope and live our lives. The worst may be over, but face2face meetings are still a good idea. Hope you can find one.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Tough love is one of the hardest things we parents will ever have to do. I'm happy to hear that things are going well for your family. Keep taking it one day at a time!
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Thank you for the support. I do know that I need to find a meeting. We live in a small podunk kind of place where meetings are minimal. In all honesty, I lost my motivation to make it a priority when things turned around. Not a great idea since I am still prone to be a control freak and even though things are going well, I could very screw that up with some badly inserted advice, or she could just by virtue of the disease she suffers from. I will look again and see what is available. I still just smile every morning, come home from work with a sense of relief just knowing that my household feels as it should, like a place of refuge from the world at large instead of chaotic drama filled juvinile detention center with no one in charge. I guess I'm just taking this all in, at least for the time being having peace is what I need. A break. I hope it's all real, but for now it's good enough. I have over heard my husband on the phone with his dad on several occasions and the conversation at some always includes some kudos for the bad daughter turning her life around. Always, it's brought about by his dad. It does my heart good to hear my husband speak so kindly and with so much hope. He is a step dad who has been here since she was about 4 but still, he has suffered tremendous abuse from her for years. He was accused of physical violence to a school counselor, he was verbally assaulted numerous time and I guess I always thought that the damage was too great for repair. It seems I was wrong and I'm very happy about that. I do want an adult relationship at some point. At any rate, thanks again.
