The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just talked to my MIL and found out that my A's po is requiring him to inform potential employers that he is a felon. He has never had this requirement before and has always had a really easy time getting good jobs. She said if he doesn't that will be a violation of his parole. In addition to that he has to go in 3 times a week to be tested so who has time for work with all that? There go my hopes for some support money! Seems as if they would work to build a supportive community for these guys, not just dump em out on the street and make it impossible for them to survive without committing crimes.
I'm a little peeved about this considering I have to get a 2nd job and I know he'd pay if he could. I guess the jail time isn't punishment enough?
Well I think some employers ask them don't they on the application form. Maybe that's the issue.
I'm on a 2nd job myself and have to say I am so so so so glad to give up all notions the A will give me anything. at all. As long as I held out hope he had an opening. Now I don't have any hope of him getting it together I can totally detach from his "poor me" stuff.
I think they are really experts at being victims personally.
Maresie is right, applications for jobs ask if you've ever been convicted of a felony. Lying about it is cause to get fired. I'm sure if your A got a job the PO would adjust his appointment times accordingly. Truthfully, it sounds to me as if the PO is making him accountable. He got himself to this place. There are consequences everywhere.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I think actually your PO is doing you a huge favor. I realize this will put all of you in dire financial straights but simultaneously it will force him to get rigorusly honest. It will force him to realize, after saying it for awhile what the implications of "I'm a felon" really are. I think also it will help y'all move closer and closer to acceptance. What your daughter is responding to is, really, a significant measure of her father's behavior. she's watched him go in and out of jail, in and out of court, etcetera etc.
Your post reminds me of a part of the discription of Alcoholism that we use to read before each and every Al-Anon meeting, "Alcoholism affects everyone it comes into contact with, family, friends, business associates...." This is his consequence and it affects you. How you respond to it should be very different than how he responds with very different consequences. I'll let you my very bestest slogan for events like this. This slogan has saved my mind, body, spirit and emotions sooooo very many times. Ready? "Don't react!!". This is also my screen saver on this CP. Use it as often as you care. I've got more so you can actually keep it for ever.
Some days, having faith that our higher power does have a plan at work, and then that plan not coordinating with what we are hoping for surely does test us, doesn't it?!
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I wasn't that grumpy! I figured it out a WHILE ago that I couldn't rely on him for anything. I fully know that he brought this all on himself and I'm not taking the problem on. I just felt irked when I heard this as he has had many felonies but he has always omitted that on his applications and has gotten great jobs. I don't think that is something you should HAVE to tell someone just like having HIV or Cancer, or that you have 3 kids and you'll be out a lot to take care of their sick booties, that you're gay, etc. That should be a privacy thing, you did your time, if you screw up again they'll take you back to jail and you'll lose that job anyway but why set someone out on the path to fail from the get go?
Aloha Grump!