The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I read all of the posts and it all scares me so much. It seems as if I'm headed towards a divorce. I've always been concerned about my husband's drinking but this past year it has gotten worse. He'll get drunk and I'll do nothing to provoke him and he'll turn on me. So much anger. He takes it out on me and I've done nothing. This past August, we took our daughter off to college and he got drunk and flipped out on me. He was angry because someone parked in more than one parking space. He vandalized the vehicle then yelled at me, pushed me and said he didn't love me anymore and didn't want to be with me anymore. He said he was tired of my shit. Of course, he apologized the next morning. Since then, the drinking has happened more often. I just found out that the week before we took our 18 year old daughter to college, he slept with a 21 year old girl. He continued to see her until last week.
I knew he was a heavy drinker when I married him. I thought he would grow out of it. I am miserable and need to find me again. I want my life back. How do I do this? You all seem to have the answer. Sponsers, steps...I want them. Help me. I'm tired of crying.
I just wanted to give you a hug and let you know you are not alone. We have a saying here that you never have to accept unacceptable behavior. His behavior is unacceptable. No excuse for that. Stay or leave the choice is yours and it is hard. Staying is hard, leaving is hard. Here you will have support no matter what you decide to do.
Heaven, take a deep breath. You are going to be OK. You came to the right place. There is so much love and intelligence here to help you. You are not alone, we have been there. I have been there, believe me!!! I have been verbally attacked so many times by my alcoholic husband- I could go on and on but this is not the time nor the place for that. But I do want you to know that I totally understand and that you are not alone.
Please try to find a face to face al-anon meeting. You can check your phone book or try calling an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) number and ask whomever answers for information about all anon meetings. You can also go on line: google al-anon, go to the official al-anon site and find your state listed- most states post their meetings at the official al-anon site, too. The face to face meetings are really going to help! Attend at least 6 before you decide whether the program is working for you or not. They are completely anonymous. Get to a meeting, tell them you are a newcomer. Welcome Home- get ready to have the kind of family support you never dreamed possible from your own family!!
You are not alone, as others have said. Many people here have been in like situations.....it is really hard and it sucks! Read as much as you can, try some meetings, take care of yourself.....these things may sound hard right now.....that's ok....one breath at a time.
I am new to this as well......my AH talked about divorce just 2 days ago......the people here were very helpful to me.
I'm so sorry you are going through this but you are definitely not alone. Everyone here has been down this road all taking different offramps but still ending up in mostly the same place. This is so hard, I remember when I moved out last year I thought I was going to die. I didn't know how I would survive without him. I didn't know how I would support 3 kids alone but my life is a much happier place now! I think for me the longer I was away from the madness the more it seemed mad! When I was in it, it all seemed so normal because I had acclimated to it. I lost who I was and I honestly didn't even know who I was anymore. When everything in your life is about someone else, it's hard to know where they end and you begin. Facing my fears and consistently doing what is best for me and the kids ONLY has been what saved me. I know I have a bright future now and I can make it on my own! You may stay or you may go, that's up to you and what you are willing to tolerate and what you aren't. First thing is to start acting as if the only person you are looking out for anymore is YOU.
Heaven, I am reaching out to you in friendship. You are not alone. I have been through the same thing and I promise you can make it through it. There are no easy answers but I do suggest not jumping into any decision while you are freaked out. Take some time to get involved in Alanon, a real meeting would be great. There are some awesome people there in recovery. Keep sharing with us. Many of us have been through this same type of thing and lived to tell about it. I can't say it was easy but I am on the other side and can understand your pain. Just breath.............we are here. Bella
As others have already said, you are not alone and I can empathize with you for I have been there too.
The physical and emotional distress that you feel, the bewilderment and the 'I have lost me' syndrome are all symptons of this awful disease.
I am sending you love, and asking that you will find peace in your mind to work out what the next step is for you.
From experience I know that it is unwise to make life-changing decisions whilst 'freaked out'. What others have said is sound advice so I will simply hold you in my prayers.
Heartbroken
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Just wanted to say Welcome! and you are not alone. The answers are not always as black and white as they seem. My AH and I are at the moment in a separation that is working well for us. We are taking the time to work on ourselves separately for now and we'll see what developes. As the others have said, this program does not advise taking any drastic action while you are so emotionally upset. Find that face2face meeting and learn the concept of detachment.
If your AH is getting more violent, maybe work up a Plan B, just in case you become fearful of your safety. The others can give you some pointers on that if you need, but I think it mostly consists of something like extra keys, a small stash of money, and a safe place to stay if you feel threatened.
Keep coming back here. We understand and we care.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Welcome , please find some meetings quick u need support from people who understand where your at , your not the reason he drinks regardless of what he says . Dont take on the shame and guilt of his disease , leave it with him where it belongs . Your not powerful enough to make anyone drink or stop . Start taking care of your own needs . please call this number it is toll free and international and totally anonymous 1-888=4alanon they will give u meeting places in your area and possible contact numbers . do it for you . your worth it . and again YOU are not the reason he drinks. Louise
Keep coming back. Lots to be learned in Alanon. One is understanding the disease of alcoholism and it is a disease. You didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. Even though they say it's you, you, you it isn't. It is them, them, them.
In support, Nancy
PS Try reading the books Getting Them Sober (Vol 1,2,3,4). So helpful in explaining what we are up against.
Yep, just show up. Probably wouldn't hurt to get there a few minutes early, there will probably be people there and you can introduce yourself more informally. Plan to stay after the meeting too, that will be your chance to talk one on one with members who have some experience too. Welcome!
