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I walk into my meeting this morning and sitting right across from me is ex's mother and his first ex wife. GAG! She has pulled this stunt before (his mother). A couple years ago. Made this big production as to how she was BACK! And NOTHING and NOBODY was going to keep her away. She came to like 3 meetings, kept trying to engage me in converstaions which I politely ignored and then she stopped comming. I didn't. In fact, it's my home group. UGH. The last time I was furious. I brought it up at my another meeting and someone there said "God must think you're ready for this." This time it really doesn't bother me like it did before. Ah the gift of detatchment. I do hope she finds what she is looking for. Everyone deserves peace and if this screwed up windbag finds some peace and change in my meeting then that can only be for the betterment of society at large. She really is a bore. I have never in my life met such a victim. She has her KIDS fight her fights. Always has. I wasn't even wound up when I left. I suprised myself. It didn't wreck my day at all. And I was totally expecting to walk out and have the rest of my day shot. But I just continued on with my day. I did exactly what I had planned on doing. I leave my meeting a little early to get to church and that's exactly what I did. I did not fall into the "poor me, everyone is out to get me...." crap. Who cares? It is a program for those whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. They know I am there and I am not going anywhere. I'm not scared of her. All the same it did piss me off and bring up some stuff. I did have a slight desire to ask her if she knew what her son has done to me and my family? I had a small desire to engage her and get into it because there is not a thing she could say to defend her actions over the past 4 years. But it was small and fleeting and I know that I don't even care that much. I mean I would have to have some desire to have some sort of relationship with her and I don't. As I have stated to her many times in the past, I want NOTHING to do with her or her family. Pretty simple, nothing more, just leave me alone. I didn't yell, scream, get nasty. I just asked for her to respect my decisions. Apparently she still believes that she knows what's best for everyone especially my children. Maybe she will stick with this program long enough to understand that she is not God. I just didn't want to get my panties in a wad over this little stunt. This too shall pass.
Gosh serendipity that has to be tough. A meeting is the one safe place I can go. I don't know what I would do if my AH's people were there. More power to you.
You know the funny ironic thing is the last post I read from you was about cheating and how you stole the A from the ex wife and then BAM there she is at your meeting? Maybe this is a chance to ask forgiveness from her for taking him. I have always experienced that if you are able to take a man someone else will be able to take him from you and of course that turned out to be true in your case. As for the MIL, just remember she didn't cause it either. You may dislike her for a variety of other reasons but I would just go, speak my mind and pretend like she was just another anonymous visitor that I didn't know. Maybe you could bring up the topic of live and let live while she's there and talk about grandparent interference in parents lives.....
Try to forgive because holding on to the resentment just gives it power over you. Think about what you are greatful for.
Thank y'all for the encouragement. I have had alot of interaction with the ex'ex. She was actually my little ones sunday school teacher. I feel I have made my amends to her. I even put my arms around her and told her that she has done an amazing job with her life thus far. My ex-mil is another story. She systematically helped destroy my marriage. She hid my ex and his GF's while we were married, she hid him and his drinking/drugging in her home and lied repeatedly to me about it all. She endangered my kids by bringing a convicted child molester into her home and letting my kids be around him, alone. She is a real piece of work and I know everyone makes mistakes. I have made my share, but I make amends, I apologize. That woman has never even attempted to say she was sorry. She just plays up the victim mode when she does something wrong and her children rally around her and attack the person she has already harmed. She didn't even send my KIDS a card when my father died. She didn't even get in touch with me or them when my best friend's daughter drown and my kids were there. Now, These are things that I just chalk up to her being her. No expectations, no resentments. The thing that bugs me is that there she sits, with her sad, I'm-a-victim- face and I look around and know that people fall for it. She is very like her son and they hook people in with their "feel sorry for me" facade. That is why they have no friends. Who could stand to be around that for any length of time. And it will always come out that they don't really want your pity they want what they can get from you. So, yes, she has been very affected by this disease. All of her life (ask her, she'll tell you) She has done alanon on and off for years. She always had great reasons why she stopped going, why she was better and why alanon was too much like a cult,too religious, she didn't agree with the people, she didn't need it etc. She never stayed because as we all know working this program is hard work. Looking at myself and trying to do it all differently has been very challenging. But I stick with it. It is worth it. At the very least I come to you guys when I have an issue, NOT my kids. This is where I belong and no one will make me leave. Like I said it would be a real miracle if she gets it this time. I will say a prayer that she does because one more person with program in this world is always good.
Good girl! She is what she is, you can't change that but hoping that she gets it and gets better is very kind of you. Love your enemies isn't that the saying? She is ill, you were ill you just chose to get better but I'm sure there were many times the brick should have knocked the sense into you and didn't and then one day it did. Maybe this is her time, maybe not but at least you can be kind in the face of evil :) and so that really says something about YOU! We can only do what WE can do and she can only do what SHE can see in herself to do and as long as she keeps thinking of herself as the victim she will continue to be!
wow, I am impressed! I am not sure I could have been cool as a cuke like that!!! What an inspiration you are. I think its just great. I think- if you can do it, maybe I can too!
