The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was just sending a pm to another member and recounting some old stories of times that I have suffered and come through it and was realizing that those times don't seem so bad now, they actually make for a good story. It always seems so bad when you're in it but you always come out with some revelation or life lesson that improves your character and makes you a better human being. I was just wondering if anyone had some I remember once.......... stories that they wanted to share for inspiration, I'll start!
I remember once I was homeless in CA which was 2 states from my home in WA and my A boyfriend's AA uncle had refused to give us anything. Our car was broken down and we were living in a tent we pitched in a beet field right next to the broken down car. He came by one night and gave us two baloney sandwiches a marker and some cardboard and told us to make a sign and sit on the corner for help. I was so angry and resentful at the time but looking back on it I learned so much from that experience such as humility, the kindness of strangers, the unkindness of strangers, and probably most important that I can survive anything. On top of this it made me kinder and less judgmental of others especailly those who are down on their luck. (I still give to the guys with the cardboard signs cuz I know what it's like to hold it and how that feels inside).
Ok, I will step back in time and I can remember a good one. I had left my AH, finally, wow that was a hard one anyway. I had never lived on my own. I was having panic attacks, while at work and out. I was so broke I was bouncing checks and making really unhealthy decisions for myself. I remember feeling so lonely that my body hurt. Scared to leave my apt, still seeing him in his sickness at times, which is partly the reason for the panic attacks. I was having a hard time putting up healthy boundaries. I will never forget that time and I never want to go back. I was in recovery but barely hanging on at that time. It was in the beginning of leaving and learning to stand on my own two feet. I am now in a loving and healthy sober relationship and I am so grateful. I have journaled since I was 14 and I can go back if I ever get ungrateful and read about that awful time in my life.
I do feel blessed though, because I really learned about leaning on HP at that time. I prayed alot and I learned to reach out to women. I went to workshops in recovery and really got involved. Funny how life is. One of the hardest times of my life also holds some of the most precious memories.
Mine isn't as dramatic as yours, thank God, but it is a life lesson just the same. I remember when I was crying to my sponsor one night about how lonely I was that she told me something I never forgot. She said,"Sometimes we think we feel lonely when what it really is, is a gift from God, called Peace." I thought and thought about that. I had been in such turmoil with my AH and it was always something crazy going on. I didn't have that anymore. I had what I thought was lonliness. Then I started to take time to meditate, I would go out to the pool at night at my apt. I would sit there looking at the pool, the way the light shimmered on the water, the quiet night and I got glimpses of that Peace she was talking about. I have since learned that life does not have to be a three ring circus. It can be calm and balanced and that does not mean it is lonely. It's funny how my mind was back then. I can relax today and it is ok. I can be calm and be at Peace at times. It is a feeling I treasure today.
I wish all of you Peace today. Thanks for the sharing, Bella
Nine months pregnant, standing out in the (knee deep) snow on our apartment balcony, in my bare feet, sobbing. Looking down at my barefoot tracks in the snow, thinking "That'll show him how much he is hurting me...." and a very small voice, deep deep inside, that I paid no attention to, saying to myself "This is crazy".
These are great stories. Great topic. However, I still am living it up in my suffering. I can't seem to let go and find the humor and it ain't that bad in my story. Wish I could. This way sucks and I give all my power to my AHsober by doing this.
Remarkable detachment. The more I work every day on taking care of my needs the better I am. I find you an inspriation. i bought some rugs and some hooks and stuff and guess what some distilled oil for my room. Slept better than I have in a long time. I can make a home anywhere.
I can live with anything, I can have a good attitude no matter what.
It has taken me days to look at your post I was too scared to peek. Now I have, I am glad that I have and thank you for the post.
One memory I have is this: There was no food on the shelves and I had not eaten for four days. The last meal had been a bowl of rice with two carrots chopped up in it with a stock-cube, which I had served to the children first and then to my husband. Nothing was left for me so I had a glass of water. He was in a foul mood and had taken the family allowance, he never gave me housekeeping. I was too ill to go to work and I was hiding in the wardrobe where he had pushed me. The children were on school holiday.
My daughter came up and said she was going out to play, but would be back shortly. She was taking her brother too, but promised not to be long. They did not usually leave me alone when their father was in this mood.
After what seemed like hours later, but was in fact only ten minutes, my son came into the room and opened the wardrobe door. He pulled out a cheese sandwich from under his jumper and a little carton of milk from his pocket...they had gone to the shop having found a pound coin under the sofa and sneeked out to buy me these things. He had climed up onto the shed roof and climbed into the bedroom window so that his father did not see what they had bought for me.
I just cried at the craziness of it all. They had planned and schemed to get out of the house and bought NOTHING for themselves because they said that they were ok whereas I had not eaten for days.
What a way to bring children up, eh?
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Well I'd say they're great children if they put you before themselves and recognized your suffering and went thru such an elaborate and perhaps dangerous plan to make sure you were ok. That's true love!
