The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't had much to say lately, I am past the point of hoping he'll get better and we can still have a happily ever after ending. I just wonder sometimes if I am getting on with my life or if this is just a holding pattern until?
Until what I don't know, until I get totally better and feel able to trust another man? Until I die? Until my kids are grown and moved out? Until I meet the next dysfunctional man? Who knows?
It's strange for me to be alone and it has been over a year without an other. Sometimes I feel like... is this it? is this the rest of my life? will I be alone forever? I don't put any effort into meeting anyone, I don't even know people to meet people through LOL. Most of the time I am fine with it and think I really don't have time for anyone else anyway.
I think my biggest problem is that my kids are older now and I don't really have a desire to have a strange new man around them. I don't feel I could trust anyone. Sometimes I think the A was the one, there will never be another I click with like that but I don't trust him either or want him around my kids. Where does that leave me?
It's been over a year and I haven't even met a man that I can carry on a conversation with. I think it's partially the place but a large part of it is me and I wonder am I going to be alone forever or am I going to find someone worthy of allowing into my life? I guess the better question is would I rather be alone forever or allow someone who is unworthy into my life? Hmmm that's a much easier answer! I guess as long as no one's interested in being in my life as has been the case I don't have to worry about it either way!
You are such a doll that I seriously doubt you'd ever be "alone" forever (big silly). Tell your 'thinkin' to stop torturing you. You've had to put so much work into building yourself up, perhaps it is time for something new in your life?
I'm sort of almost "there", still climbing too steep of a hill and puffing away to catch my breath and say "now what?" I'm not sure I'm looking forward to feeling like I just plateau'ed out.
I know you are very, very busy. Your energy has been being used up getting your life together as well as keeping the family going. But you are right, you need something for YOU.
Well all things in good time. If love is suppose to happen, it will. For now, enjoy your new life. You have a chance to reinvent yourself, to heal and move ahead. Recovery isn't immediate. We didn't get here in a week. So take time to enjoy CarolinaGirl. You're on a new adventure. GO FOR IT! Enjoy all that it has to offer, the good and the bad. You may not be ready for a new relationship. That's okay. It's life on life's terms. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Am I going to be alone forever ? yikes girl what happened to one day at a time. Keep the focus on yourself get to meetings and figure out what makes u tick . Explore new hobbies , rekindle new and old friendships , get comfortable in your own skin . If there is supposed to be a new person in your life they will appear , Gods time . Easy does it .
I agree with all the above. It is a really great time to just enjoy life!! I know when I spent a lot of time alone in the last year, I discovered that I wasn't afraid any more to do things alone, it wasn't a threatening thing any longer. I truly began to enjoy my own company! What a revelation. I was scared to death before, then began to just DO it, go on trips alone, go on walks alone, etc. - I prayed alot. Then it just became natural and I was experiencing life without a partner... and loving it!
I know that love will happen if it is meant to. This time may be meant for you to just grow and learn to love yourself. Then when someone comes along, you may not even be looking, and it may be a great thing, at the right time!
I can relate to this so much! I divorced my AH 19 years ago, but continued to immerse myself in unhealthy relationships off and on for another 11 years. The last one was a 15 month engagement to someone I 'thought' was my knight in shining armor!
Yes, I was still living in that 'rescue me' mentality, and as usual, it had disastrous consequences. My shining knight was bound to get tarnished eventually! He never drank the entire 15 months we were together, but I knew he had been a very heavy drinker beforehand, and he was simply a dry drunk when we were together.
That final relationship opened up my eyes to a pattern I kept repeating over and over, despite divorcing my AH and swearing I'd never put myself through that again.
For the first time in my life, I did find myself alone, and it was so scary.
Eight years later, I am still single, and for the most part, I am reasonably happy. I continued to raise my youngest daughter over the years (now 19) and really start digging deep into self and looking at the unhealthy patterns I had with men/relationships.
I'm not a social person, so I don't date. I take it a day at a time, and continue to grow in my journey of discovering self.
It's been some time now since I asked the same questions you are. I am often alone, but can't tell you the last time I felt lonely. I enjoy my own company, enjoy being in charge of my life.
Living in the moment keeps us from regretting the past, and fearing the future.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I had to giggle at your post because I think this almost everyday...hehe Now.......you KNOW we are not out there "looking" or making ourselves available. I wonder why I am not finding someone and then I have to remember well duh......it's because I don't really look. I walk around so busy that I don't stop and admire other human beings. Make it a point to do that.
As far as our kids......well....I'm not having ANYONE around my children until I have known them for a long while, I check their background record, check ALL public records and probably will talk with an ex! No lie.
I don't give a good gosh darn (no swearing. lol) who thinks I'm nuts but I will NEVER get another dysfunctional man in my world. He can have a few vices but drinking and mental issues are not two of them. LOL
I'm ready to find a male friend, if it progresses great, if not.........then see ya!
Guess what I did the other day....hahaha I'm so stupid. I got dressed with my heels (casual heels) and jeans and a nice lower cut shirt (classy) and I had my hair done and my make up on perfect and guess what I did...............I went grocery shopping and you would NOT believe the smiles from the guys I got ;) I was talked to so I must have been approachable, I was getting checked out right and left (alot were married men sadly) but it was funny to see that it worked.
I got it off of Greg Berheadt show, he said that woman who are available need to look kick butt even going to a parts store because you can only make a first impression once.......It works!
Oh I totally get what you are saying. My AH and I have this "comfortable, know everything about each other" kind of thing. I think, no one could ever know me like he does. He knows me better than I know myself. Hence the reason I have fallen back into the whole "dating thing" w/him again. I know I never want to be married to him again (we technically still are until Jan 16.) I know I never want him living w/me again. Just the random sleep overs are enough to drive me insane. Yet there is this connection. Weird.
At the same time, there is this chemistry between me and this guy at karate. I cannot explain it. We talk a bit through emails, texting and at karate. It is this weir chemistry that everyone that sees us together picks up on and seems to think we are dating. Even my AH. Odd......but it is like I am dating 2 men. LOL. Not really b/c I am not dating the guy from karate and I don't expect this dating thing w/my AH to last too long. But it has at least helped me to realize that I don't have to be alone all my life if I don't want to be. Ya know.
The holding pattern.....yea, maybe that is where I am too only a bit different than your holding pattern. I am holding steady onto my AH through dating.....not quite ready to let go of our friendship. And maybe I am holding on to this chemistry w/this other guy too to help me feel desirable and as a back up for when things fall apart w/the AH. These are all things that are going through my head. So I believe there are various forms of holding patterns. And which ever one we get stuck in, it is b/c it is probably what we need for the time being. Take a deep breath. Better to do a "Wait and See" than to jump blind folded into the next thing when you are unsure of what that next thing is. :) We are here for you.
for me it isn't all or nothing. I will in time get a boyfriend. I wil just not be in the same old dead end relationships I have always been in. I am also very very busy just treading water on survival. I know that won't be for ever. The Holidays are around the corner. maresie.
