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I found this website when looking for my husband and thought I would join also. I would like to share my story....... My father was an alcoholic all of my life. He died last year and continued to drink until he died. My mother overcome prescription drug use when I was in my teens, but has been drinking for about the last 5 yrs. She always talked about my father, but is about the same as he was when he passed away (they were divorced for 26 yrs). We went through a family treatment program when I was a teenager when she recovered from prescription drugs and that is when I was introduced to Alateen and Alanon. I learned a great deal from this program and I guess that is why I have been able to deal with my husbands prescription drug addiction through the years. I have been married to a wonderful man for 17 yrs and have 3 beautiful children, but my husband has suffered from addiction for the last 15 yrs. He started with a car accident in which he was hurt and was put on prescription meds for several months. That started the addiction problems and he has battled them ever since. He has been through rehab once at the peak of his addiction (started on Lorcet and ended on Oxycontin). We had lost about everything when he decided to go to rehab. He stayed in rehab for 30 days and came out doing great, but soon relapsed. I finally made him leave when he decided to get his life in order. We live in a very rural area that doesn't have much to offer in way of alanon and AA meetings. The biggest thing around here is "drug court" when the people have to attend meetings to stay out of jail. My husband works offshore and is unable to attend meetings on a regular basis. There is no alanon meetings here worth going to. Only 2-3 people attend. I do not get anything out of them. When I allowed my husband to come back, he had gotten it together. He had many legal problems to sort out, but he seemed to pull it back together and swore this would be a part of our past. He went to work offshore again (to get away from people here) and slowly started back using on a recreational basis a couple of years ago. He started lying again, money missing, very secretive, etc. I started begging, threatening, etc. for him to look at his life again, but that just went unheeded. Recently he got in trouble with his job in which legal issues have surfaced again. He is accused of stealing from his job (which he denies) and is facing court in December. He is a very likable person and makes friends without any problems. It is the type of people he chooses to be around that gets him into trouble. I am very much in love with my husband and try very hard to support him with his addiction problems, as I have been surrounded by addiction all of my life. His brother recently passed away (4 weeks ago) and he was an alcoholic. He did not have anything to do with his family much and died alone. My husband has been really shaken up by this and vows that he will do all he can to stay clean. There has been so many ups and downs with this disease. I get really discouraged sometimes that we will never have a normal life. It seems cyclic, he will be clean and do really good for a year or two, but then something happens and he gets caught up in the addiction again. It has gotten to the point that I wonder when the other shoe will drop after everything goes good. Right now, he has a wonderful job (again!!!) and he is spending all of his time with his family. He is surrounded by good people that do not do drugs and that are trully his friends. I get really scared that it will not last. We go to church on a regular basis. He has all the reasons to stay clean, but somehow, he gets sidetracked and will start back using. I love him without a doubt and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I do not hold his addiction against him, as I understand that it is a disease and he did not ask for it. I try to encourage him as best I can and talk to him about our problems as they arise. I am glad that I found this website, as I need people that have experienced the same things I have to talk to. It is very hard to talk to my family as they only see my side. Can anyone relate to this? Have any of you decided to stay in this situation with all of the ups and downs? I would like any feedback that you all have to offer.
All our stories are similar yet different. The only esh that I can think of is that they tell us to get off the wheel or cycle if you will. With my AHsober it was predictable in that we had our ups and downs. It really drains you. But I think that you can get off the cycle by refusing to play the game. Can you give the f2f meetings another try?
Just wanted to say welcome. I know how you feel. My AH has had his cycle of try hard, slip, try, slip. It is a roller coaster ride that I am no longer interested in riding. He is doing well now, better than he ever has, but I do not trust it. I am too gunshy. He has 57 days sober now, as far as I know. That's not very long, but may be longer than it has ever been yet. It is my worry too that he will do well for awhile and then get careless. I told him this time he will have to earn his way back home and it may be his last chance. I do not want to do this ride anymore. My kids and I do not deserve to live this way. I will not knowingly live with an active user and I will not let him yo-yo in and out of the house. We need some consistantcy here or I will end it. That may be too much to ask, we'll see.
I love him very much, but I care about myself now too. I do not want another 12 yrs of this kind of life.
Hang in there. Try your f2f meetings again. We often have very small meetings out here in our boondockies, too. But as more people commit to them they slowly start to grow, and I really enjoy and rely on them to keep me grounded. A few weeks ago I started going to open AA or NA meetings too. They help you learn about the disease and can be supportive too.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Welcome to the MIP family. My husband is also a chronic relapser. We haven't been married as long as you have and have no children. Sometimes it can take more than once for them to "get it". Hubby once told me that addicts want to be sober but they may not be ready for it.
I encourage both you and hubby to find some online meetings. There are double winners here as well. Never give up hope. There is always hope for all of us. I wish your family all the best. Please keep coming back to us. This is a wonderful place.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks to all who responded to my post. I always felt very safe in meeting f2f, but the meetings just cannot get going here. I grew up in a much bigger town. This town is about 1500 people and they do not like their business "aired" if you know what I mean. I went to meetings for several months, but they more talked about gossip than really staying on the subject that we needed to work on. I have only made my husband leave 1 time, right after rehab. He has very long stretches on sobriety and then long binges that last for months and seem to lead to where he was when he went to rehab. He always seems to be able to stop just like he starts. He knows my family history and knows how I feel about drinking/drugs. I have prayed that I will soon have a "normal life" and not have to worry, but when the trust is broken, it is hard to attempt to lead a normal life. Is there anyone that has been in a sober relationship for a long time without any slips? Do you ever get the trust back that you have lost?
My husband was sober for four years when he died of cancer. No slips in there that I knew of, and a good chance that he would have stayed sober for good (lots of people looked for him to slip when he got sick, but he didn't)
However, what I found happening was that it became less and less important to me whether he was sober or not. Yes, a lot of the trust came back, after serious bad times came and went without a slip, but it was more that I didn't NEED the trust. I learned to really believe that I would be OK, whether he stayed sober or not. He spent a lot of time away from home both before and after sobriety, both for his job, and just because he needed to get away. For a while that bothered me a lot, and then I started focussing on how our relationship was when we were together. As long as he treated me well when he was home, I realized it was none of my business what he did while he was away. I like to think that if he hasd slipped at some time, I would have been able to take the same approach - base my reactions on how he treated me, not on what he did, outside of our relationship.
Reality is, every alchoholic is one drink away from relapse. Anyone who has spent any time around AA has heard of people with 10, 20, 30 sober years, good solid program, who pick up one drink and within a few months are right back in full blown active drinking. You can never really trust that he wil not drink again - all you can do is trust yourself and your HP that you will be OK.
Hi, thanks for posting! I know how it feels to be always waiting for the other shoe to drop! I also know exactly what you mean about family only seeing your side and being afraid to be honest with them or they will hold it agains him later. I am gald you came, I chose to leave but I did a lot of staying before that :). Don't know if I will be of any help but I'm still glad you posted!
Thanks to all who responded to my post. I always felt very safe in meeting f2f, but the meetings just cannot get going here. I grew up in a much bigger town. This town is about 1500 people and they do not like their business "aired" if you know what I mean. I went to meetings for several months, but they more talked about gossip than really staying on the subject that we needed to work on. 