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I was bored the other night, so I started googling people from my past. You know curious minds can be. I googled my ex, who had been arrested 6 times for DUI's and I found marijuana in his truck. Anyhoo, he was a volunteer for a recovery house. The recovery house had quoted him saying, "He knows the devastating affects of having a friend or family member who was using drugs". He was trying to create someone he is not. I cannot believe how delusional I was for believing any of his lies. It makes me so mad that he can become a successful partner in a large firm and get away with his deception and lying, while I try to do the right thing and get scraps.
In my similarly unfortunate situation, NO, some of them are NOT.
I've asked the same questions . . . in fact, I've had to face that my exA has conned me from the beginning, faking me out with professional grade manipulations. I'm "watching" him con the AA couple who are sincerely trying to help him . . . do I say something? No. I try not to look or ask too many questions. Now that he has a trial date for felony drug posession in December, he's "flying right" but also drug seeking and drinking with his AA buddy :( . Lordy. It's all hearsay so my lips are sealed, you know?
I lived with him for seven years and I know this man is miserable. He's a consumate survivor, self preservation (aside from the drug use) is one of his talents. He can wrap people around his finger with the most insane lies. But he is NOT getting away with anything.
He has NO intimacy, no real friendships, he trusts no one, and lives in a fractured reality that is all about HIM and whatever scattered emotion he is having in the moment. No continuity in his sense of himself. Every day is drama and chaos.
They may "fool" most of us but they aren't getting away with piddly.
At least that's what I tell myself when I get going (all too often) about how my ex can get away with what he does . . .
I know how you feel. My AHsober has spent a lifetime time of opening doors for people, being a good listener, and telling me that "I am a nice guy". He is always building his case. He is so cagey that people rarely figure him out. So they do though and then he does a geographical. I think that is in part why he left. He was being figured out. I of course being the good Alanoner figured him out, nagged him to death, and didn't let up. I think that it is getting harder and harder for him to pull it off as he gets more into his disease.
Drives you crazy but it gives me motivation to work my program. I want to recover from my sickness. I don't like living this way.
No, they aren't for real at all and they know it. They are totally miserable inside. They know they are liars, manipulators, hurtful, hateful, scammers, cheaters, beggers and the list goes on..and they are worst of all, hurting every day. A miserable hurt they don't know how to begin to fix. They've done it so long that's all they know to do. No matter how they may "appear" to other people, I wouldn't be a bit jealous or trade places with them for a million bucks.... Karma catches up with them daily because they have to pretend to be someone they are not. Then there is that sickening reality every day when they look in the mirror. The real truth of who they are. Ouch!!
Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 23:34, 2007-10-25
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
The A nephew left a voice mail today. Calling to "apologize " for the things he said on Tues. I saw right through his manipulative game. He thought that if he apologized we would change our minds and let him move in.
As usual with the A its always about them and their self preservation. Thats just it they never know how to be real. The lies just keep on getting bigger and bigger.
Cookie
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
So funny that you posted this, the other day I was talking to my MIL on the phone and she said that the A had tried to get a job as a painter (never painted in his life) and he got caught in a lie LOL. He was upset because he is losing his ability to BS people. That's how he's always managed to get an in to a job (which for my sake I hope he manages to get SOMEONE to buy in) but now with all the use and being alone in a shelter I guess he's losing his "gift". I thought that part about moving when you get figured out was pretty interesting. Maybe that's my problem too, I want to run from my life sometimes and just start over but I'm always there waiting for me :)
I googled my ex, who had been arrested 6 times for DUI's and I found marijuana in his truck. Anyhoo, he was a volunteer for a recovery house. The recovery house had quoted him saying, "He knows the devastating affects of having a friend or family member who was using drugs". He was trying to create someone he is not. I cannot believe how delusional I was for believing any of his lies. It makes me so mad that he can become a successful partner in a large firm and get away with his deception and lying, while I try to do the right thing and get scraps.
