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I don't know where to begin. My AH called me at work yesterday he wanted to ask me if we could have his 34 year old nephew also an alcoholic move in with us. He said the nephew was "reaching out" to him because he had lost his job and his sister was throwing him out of her house.
I said I couldn't discuss this while I was at work that we'd talk when I got home. Five minutes after I walked in the door his nephew was on the phone. I had already decided the answer was no so I told my husband to tell his nephew I didn't think it was a good idea. One alcoholic is enough for me thank you very much. My husband couldn't understand my reasoning so we got into a huge argument. My daughter said she could't handle it anymore so she left to stay at her boyfriends all night. Believe it or not though, the AH was actually sober.
Later though, my husband and I discussed all of the aspects of having his nephew here and after weighing all of the odds, he realized that his nephew was just trying to manipulate us. The nephew can't live with his parents because they had a fire in their dryer on sunday and their house in uninhabitable.
So today the nephew calls, and starts to pour on the guilt trip to me. I am not buying it and keep telling him that he needs to get help for himself. He is of course drunk, and begins to be beligerent to me on the phone. This makes me start crying and my husband gets angry with his nephew and decides to go over to where he is staying and tell him off. When my husband gets there, the nephew wants to fight him, so finally it ends up that the police are called. This would be ok except my husbands 2 brothers are police officers, one of which is the nephews dad.
The officers make a police report, and my husbands brother (not the nephews dad) shows up also. I think that now my sister in law (the nephews mom) is mad at me for the whole thing, because it embarassed my husbands brother in front of the other officers. She herself is running for mayor, so I'm sure that she is angry about what this is doing for her campaign.
The thing is, she doesn't get it. The nephew has made all of his problems for himself. HE lost his job, and HE caused his sister to kick him out of the house and HE was beligerent to me which is why my husband went over there.
I know this sounds too incredible to be true but I swear it all is true. I just needed to tell someone, and I knew all of you could relate.
The strange thing is though, things at my house have been wonderful, all day. My husband and daughter haven't communicated this much in months. I know being a part of al-anon has had a big part in that.
I just don't know what to do about my sister in law. She has had a lot to deal with. The fire, and her campaign and also her alcoholic son. I told her about how al-anon has helped me but she still has the tendency to enable her son.
Please give me some advice.
Cookie
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
As I see it, your husband chose to go over there instead of not picking up the drama. Are you going to F2F meetings? This is your sister-in-law's problem, not yours. You don't have to do anything. There's a saying in Alanon, "What is behind your nose is your business and nothing beyond it is your business". Relax, let go, and take care of yourself.
Hi cookie , sounds like everyone made some foolish decissions ,none of which are your responsibility , leave the problem where it belongs , with them. You havent done anything wrong so don't try and fix it . the nephews mom will have to figure this out herself . And does it sound bizzare ??? nope not to me alcoholism is about chaos and conflict sounds perfectly normal to me . hehe good luck stay out of thier mess perfect oportunity for every one to grow . Louise
The disease of alcoholism and we are not responsible. We didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. We have to embrace the truth and not be ashamed of it.
Thank you so much for your input. I know that I can't fix this for my sister in law. She needs to start al-anon herself. I guess I just needed some reassurance that I was doing the right thing, even though I already knew it.
Things are very calm today, I haven't heard from the nephew or my sister in law our answer machine is turned off because I just don't want to hear it anymore.
Bless you all
Cookie
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
