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Well they let myAH come home from derox yesterday after 6 days. they gave him this drug that supposedly detoxes rapidly. They released him with a new drug that stops the craving for alchohol, has anyone heard of this? They also sent him home woth an antidepressant. He seems very quite and withdrawn, so I'm just being watchful and letting him go at his own pace. Not sure what to expect next...Thanks for listening - Chetch
quiet and withdrawn is pretty normal at this stage, and letting him go at his own pace & leaving his own recovery up to him is good. Meetings for you are a good idea now too , and while you're there (can't remember if I mentioned this before) see if they have a copy of the little booklet Living With Sobriety, which I found very helpful - I keep my copy in the bathroom. For me, I got frustrated with the fact that months later he STILL was quiet & withdrawn, only to learn from my sponsor that he was still in very early recovery. Without that accumulated alanon experience, I might have let the frustration out on HIM, which wouldn't have been helpful for us at all. Instead I got to let it out on my sponsor, be heard, & learn something. I would suggest not being over solicitous, & wear your qtip armor. Even "How was your day?" got answers for me like "okay", and if I found I had to pry more out of him, I learned I was probably not letting him stay in his own space. If he wanted to share with me, he would. Sometimes I'd ask a question and get an answer 2 days later. Sometimes not at all. A huge help to me during this time was "Is this 'my stuff' or 'his stuff'?". Also biting my tongue until I'd figured it out. Eventually I decided giving him a hug and saying "hi sweetie" was what I wanted to do regardless of what he did or didn't do. My feeling was it let him know I was there, and he didn't need to worry that I was pouting or anything. As I said, it WAS frustrating, but I tried not to let that out on HIM.
You'll decide what's right for you. Nothing wrong with offering to go to a meeting with him, either, as long as you're prepared for him to say no. Nothing wrong with going to an open AA meeting WITHOUT him, either, and talking to the guys there afterwards.
well chech , buckle up ( hugs) sobriety is not the answer to al of lifes problems but it sure helps . You said somethiing that made me smile - your just watching == I did the same and I would like to sugest that u stop , they know were watching , enjoy his sober times work your own program he has got to do it his way . I don't know if your attending meetings for yourself , if not I hope u consider doing so to me it is the best way to support our A efforts at sobriety . The book that was mentioned in another post is awsome . another book tht helped me alot was Dilema of the alcoholic marriage , Al-Anon . Keep your expectations low , some times all and alcoholic can do is Just not drink . Mood swings are normal , don't take his moods personal he is trying to live sober for the first time in yrs and that is not easy for either of you . Our detachment pamphlet is an amazing little piece of literature especially the Don't allow yourself to be used or abused in the name of anyones recovery. You were not the reason he drank and you are not responsible for keeping him sober ,nothing u say or do will cause him to drink again .tht will be a choice he makes . So support his efforts but take care of you . Louise
Glad he's home. Here's hoping that the seed that has been planted. I agree with Abby. Try not to watch him. (I still find myself once in a blue moon doing that.) I have heard of the drug to reduce cravings. If you Google it you can find out more information about it. The National Institutes of Health I believe will also have articles on it. Don't expect too much from him. He's got to find his way, no one can do that for him. Hopefully he will find some meetings. Now's the time to really focus on your recovery. You'll need all your tools.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
-- Edited by Karilynn at 08:13, 2007-10-23
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
, and while you're there (can't remember if I mentioned this before) see if they have a copy of the little booklet Living With Sobriety, which I found very helpful - I keep my copy in the bathroom. For me, I got frustrated with the fact that months later he STILL was quiet & withdrawn, only to learn from my sponsor that he was still in very early recovery. Without that accumulated alanon experience, I might have let the frustration out on HIM, which wouldn't have been helpful for us at all. Instead I got to let it out on my sponsor, be heard, & learn something. I would suggest not being over solicitous, & wear your qtip armor. Even "How was your day?" got answers for me like "okay", and if I found I had to pry more out of him, I learned I was probably not letting him stay in his own space. If he wanted to share with me, he would. Sometimes I'd ask a question and get an answer 2 days later. Sometimes not at all. A huge help to me during this time was "Is this 'my stuff' or 'his stuff'?". Also biting my tongue until I'd figured it out. Eventually I decided giving him a hug and saying "hi sweetie" was what I wanted to do regardless of what he did or didn't do. My feeling was it let him know I was there, and he didn't need to worry that I was pouting or anything. As I said, it WAS frustrating, but I tried not to let that out on HIM.