The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i went to the city yesterday. i was almost in a serious accident, when someone in front of me stopped suddenly because someone in front of her stopped suddenly, the situation caused me to ponder. what am i doing here? i live in a small town in northern alberta canada, i learned how to drive on a little island that was known as the local campground. the only thing i could hit were some trees and the water. before i lived in alberta, i lived in canada's capital city. the bus system was excellent .....no need to drive there. so......., what was i doing driving around a huge city in the middle of the day? i was trying to live up to other peoples standards. "you need to get out more" i hear constantly. "you need to broaden your horizens. you need to learn to drive in the city....." "why do i need to drive in the city" i asked myself, i do not live here. i was trying to be more independent , to do what others suggested was part of my alanon growth. upon reflection i realize....., I AM DOING GREAT. since i came back to alanon in march, i have been to many roundups, district meetings, assembly & open meetings. i drove to them by myself with the excepetion of assembly[higher power provided me with a ride for that function] when i came home last night i wondered why we don't see the city people driving out to the country to broaden their horizens; dodging pot holes in the roads, miss hitting a deer , swerve from the owl that almost hit the windshield, the coyote quickly whisking in front of my car, the porcupine slowly crossing the road [poor things...one rarely misses hitting them] the moose standing on the highway [silly beasts] the bears........, well, one hardly ever hits one of them. i feel discombobbled today because this "get out and do more advice comes from fellow alanon members". for a program that is not supposed to give advice......., I GET LOSTS OF IT. when i tried to discuss that we are not to give advice member to member, i was told [yet again], "we are only human you know". i replied this time, by sayng, "yes, i keep hearing that, as if being human makes a wrong a right." in my opinion it doesn't . i believe being human, gives us the opportunity and responsibilty to ... "right a wrong". i understand why giving advice is not a good thing in this program. it can leave one feeling bewildered and wondering, is that my higher speaking to me through this person, or, is this person speaking to me because......., well, "they are only humanyou know." so hear i am today repeating my routine step ten........ CONTINUED TO TAKE PERSONAL INVENTORY AND WHEN WE WRONG PROMPTLLY ADMITTED IT I promptly admit...... to drive to the city, because someone else thinks i need to do so as part of growth in my recovery is a stupid thing for me to do. i am satisfied with where i live.........., in my little old log house in the big woods of the northern alberta canada, with the wide open sky that miraculously tells me a different story everyday. one day at time in alanon has given by the blessing of loving my husband, my home, and my self.[ what else is there.....really] just for today, i pray for the wisdom to know the difference between the voice of my Higher Power and the voice of one who is......., well, "only human" you know.
I try not to give advice, but do share my own experience. There is a Alanon slogan that says "When I got busy, I got better". That was very true for me. Instead of isolating I forced myself to try many new things. I can't say driving in downtown St. Louis would ever be one of them, that sure would be a big Heck No!! from me.. Getting busy for me was finding things that interested me. In the end I was very glad that it was suggested to me. It is what allowed me to move on and find out whio "I" was. It allowed me to take the focus off my A and get a life outside of the chaos.
Remember, you always have a choice and you obviously chose to drive in the city. I'm sure you could have found an alternative adventure. It seems rather unfair to me to blame someone else for a choice you made and for an accident that didn't happen.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
i seem to have given you the wrong impression, that is why i said, "it was stupid of me" to drive in the city. it was my choice. for sure i am busy, but , i need to keep the focus on what is "right" for me to keep busy, and, not on what others think is right for me. "pray for the wisdom". i am learning to suggest things like "when i got busy i got better". instead of telling people how or what to do to be busy to get better. you see that is difference. i was TOLD i need to drive in the city. i joined our little gym and have been doing lots of other busy things...., but, again, if my serenity suffers because i am being told how to be busy, then, i need to continue to pray for "wisdom to know the difference"
jewely, I apoligize if I took your meaning in the wrong context. No one should be throwing out the "need" or "should" words, but that's why they say "Take what you like and leave the rest". We are left with our own best judgement in the end.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
dear christy,, thank you for your kind reply. i would like to explain my comment concerning "we are only human". i once read from a well respectd pastors pen these words to his son....., "be different son. act human, for it is the highest calling we have on this planet." someimes, " I " get the sense that we use our humaness to excuse the hurt we cause one and other. which is why i am in alanon. learning one day at a time "to practice these principles in all our affairs". of course, i am not very good at it yet, hopefully, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, i will be able to live step twelve in a natural and balanced way in which i will hear the voice of higher power telling me..... "the wisdom to know the difference".
