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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> WELL ITS BACK TO THE OLD GRIND
Post Info TOPIC: WELL ITS BACK TO THE OLD GRIND
cookie1971


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WELL ITS BACK TO THE OLD GRIND
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Hello all:

Well today the bubble burst. I was dreading it before I started coming here but  I really am OK with it. The A  proceded to drink himself into oblivion as usual but I could feel myself at peace.

I usually would stress out trying to "make it all better" as if I had something to do with his choosing to get drunk, but not today.  Im sure he hasnt noticed because hes been passed out on the couch all day.

I just need to vent a little. I wonder if this is normal, he started coughing and for a moment I thought would I come to his aid if he started choking? I really had to think about this for a long time.

Ive had a few days off from work, but I have to go back on Friday. Im actually looking forward to going back because I can be away from this daily crap. I just dont know how much longer I can put up with it.

When hes sober there isnt a nicer sweeter person on the face of this earth, but since hes retired there are very few sober days anymore. When hes drunk hes just an obnoxious jerk.

Thank you all for allowing me to speak my peace. I dont know where to turn sometimes. There are few people who understand this madness.
 
Bless you all

Cookie 


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A person's a person no matter how small  --Dr Suess
abbyal


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Hello Cookie , I assume u are not attending meetings for yourself . I really hope u consider finding some support for yourself . Waiting for the other shoe to drop is a waste of your life , there is nothing u can do about him but there is something u can do for yourself .  The beauty of this prog for me was that I didn't have to leave my marriage to recover I learned here that I count and that I have choices , I can be happy regardless of what he is doing .  Often when we seek recovery the alcoholic follows. either way it's a win win situation for you .
Your life will get better wether he is drinking or not .  Louise

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I came- I came to-I came to be
Tenderheartsks


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I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling.

I too had to ask myself how much longer would I be able to put up with it?

The fact was, I did have a breaking point, and I was no longer willing to put up with it.

I deserve peace and serenity in my life, and that was no longer possible living with an active A.

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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."
- Woodrow Wilson
Kim65


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Hi Cookie, I'm so sorry it didn't last very long!

Often sobriety is off and on at first. Ya just gotta keep his feet to the fire by continuing to get healthy yourself. It is so true -- in my own experience (wow, I can say that now!), my life got better even though my A refused to quit drinking and drugging.

Like Tenderhearts I too reached my breaking point. It was like a silent bomb, it went off and one day I'd had enough.

Only YOU know what you are willing to put up with. Most of us cannot and will not live with active alcoholism. The Alanon preamble states this clearly. There's no should's or ought's, it's your life and your choice.

When my exA relapsed on meth in March of 06, the slow process of pulling away from him began. I went from "preparing" myself mentally and emotionally for him to end up dead or in prison. This mental preparation became a fervent desire for SOMETHING to happen to him to relieve me of the burden of his addiction and chaos. Not pretty. Eventually, I was where you are . . . wondering if I would roll him over if he started choking in his sleep.

Pain makes us seem crass and uncaring, in our own defense. It's a hard place to be, but it's realistic in some situations . . . when you feel like you can't take another minute of the crap.

Take care, keep comin' back, we're here for you :)

Kim

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cookie1971


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Posts: 521
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Dear Family:

I dont know what I would do if I couldnt come to this board. I dont think Im ready to leave him. Believe it or not Im still in love with him. I just keep hoping that the next time hell be sober for good --until the next time.

It took a lot for me to even come here and tell all of you about my life. I know I should go to a face to face meeting, but Im not sure if I have the courage yet. I just keep it all inside me, no one at work knows and very few family members know either. He is a stay at home drunk because he has had a few DUIs. His brothers are policemen and he would be ashamed if he got caught again. He has been sober after these incidents, until about 6 months ago.
He worked for one of the auto companies, and when the economy got real bad they said his job would be eliminated so he decided to retire. He used the whole work thing as an excuse to start drinking real heavy again, so for the last 6 months he has been drunk at least 4 out of 7 days each week.
I say I love him but most of the time these days I dont really like him.

Thanks all of you for your input. It really helps to know I am not alone and there are others who can relate to my situation.

Bless You all

Cookie

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A person's a person no matter how small  --Dr Suess
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