The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband called me at work today and asked me to take him and check him into rehab. This is the first positive sign I've seen from him, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much. Thanks for the wonderful support from all you wonderful people.
I hope he took the move for himself. I've learned the A did nothing for me no matter how hard I urged him. He might back down for a little bit but not for long.
That is a great start! Hold true to your boundaries and keep taking care of yourself. My A went into rehab in July - he is doing what he is supposed to do now that he is out. I'm taking it one day at a time too as I need to see how he handles and copes with life on lifes terms. In the meantime I'm holding true to myself and my boundaries and learning to date him on a healthy level. Good luck to you - keep us posted!
It's a good start, and at least while he is in rehab you can relax, knowing he's not going to come home drunk acting like a jerk. He's where he needs to be, and even if this one doesn't take, well, like they say in AA "a seed has been planted".
One thing I realized, when my husband went into rehab - we could never go back to where we had been, where he denied that there was a problem at all, and insisted that the only problem was me. Once he'd voluntarily walked through those doors, that line of BS would never fly again. Even if he tried it, I wouldn't fall for it. That in itself was a huge relief.
That's really a good start. Now like the others have said, the seed has been planted. I wish him all the best. Now's the time to work on your recovery. I wish I had found Alanon before he got sober. There is so much that I didn't know. Oh well no sense looking back except to learn. The dynamics of a sober marriage vs.an active marraige are very different. The more sober he stays the more I need my program for me. You can be loving and supportive of his recovery while working on yours. Take a deep breath and enjoy the serenity. He's in a safe place where he needs to be.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I can definitely relate to not getting your hopes up too much.
For me, entering rehab was the start of a whole new life. For my ex, entering rehab was just a temporary fix to get a lot of people off of his back, including his parole officer. As soon as he left rehab, he went right back to the whiskey and meth.
He was buried this year at the ripe old age of 47. He died of complications from AIDS after sharing needles.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
That is great news for him. Hopefully he will accept the opportunity he is being given to embrace recovery and life.
It is also an opportunity for you to do the same thing!! Now is the time for you to take care of YOU, to focus on YOU, to embrace YOUR own recovery.
You cannot make him "get it." You cannot make him stay sober or embrace recovery or work a program.
What can YOU do?? YOU can go to Al-Anon meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, figure out what part YOU play in the craziness of living with active A, start to change YOUR own behavior, and find YOUR serenity regardless of whether he stays sober or not. YOU can learn how to detach from the insanity with love. YOU can learn how to draw boundaries for appropriate behavior. YOU can learn how to live life for today and not in the "what ifs."
Remember to keep the focus on YOU and not him.
Keep coming back!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
