The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I must admit that I was a bit worried when the A got out of jail, all those feelings of impending doom, him lurking around the corner, at my doorstep (even though I've moved), calling on the phone, etc.
The Friday before I left on vacation I was working late and walking down a hallway and I swear I saw him through the glass at the end of the hall so I ducked into a room and had a minor panic attack and got a coworker to go look. It almost felt like I saw a ghost! Turned out to be someone else's husband :).
I had a great vacation for a week, didn't talk to him once. He called once and it got dropped (see earlier post) and then today I came back to work and BAM tons of emails. How sorry he is...then more insistent am I ever going to see my kids again...then kind again. Things like this used to dictate my mood for the whole day, the foreboding feeling, the dread of having to see him, talk to him, face him. His delusions about me seeing other people and the dread of dealing with that. Nowadays these are just an irritation. He's sure I'm seeing someone else because we all know I just can't be alone!
All I can do now is think I'm just going to get on with my life and either he'll get his self together and can see the kids OR he will continue along the same path and we all know where that ends up. I didn't feel guilty like I used to when I didn't do/say what he wanted. When the call was dropped I pondered calling back for about half a second and then didn't - before the urge would have been overwhelming and I would have HAD to. I just feel so much stronger and sometimes I forget how far I've come!
I know that feeling . . . ya HAVE to respond (so you think) but you don't.
It's like you just gave an example of how one might feel if they just left well enough alone, instead of engaging and then becoming upset.
Yeah . . . you ARE seeing someone else. YOU.
You can block his email, ya know.
He can get a hold of you through his lawyer. Sounds like he'll be needing one soon enough.
I'm so grateful my exA is computer stupid and cell phones don't work up here. If he calls my land line, he goes to jail for 30 days. Some of them need exceptionally strict boundaries.
I admit there are times when I just want to know what he is DOING. I know this is a remnant of our seven year close bonding. I really don't need to know, all it does (when I find out) is upset me. It undermines my strength. It interferes with my relationship to my new honey (me).
"I just feel so much stronger and sometimes I forget how far I've come!"
Wow, isn't that one of the best quotes!! Keep holding onto your strength cause I can hear your self recognition of your progress which is wonderful, wonderful to see your pride in yourself. I am proud of you too. Thank you for giving me such a burst of hope.
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
