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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Had to say NO! What part of NO do the A's not understand?
Post Info TOPIC: Had to say NO! What part of NO do the A's not understand?
hippietrippiechick


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Had to say NO! What part of NO do the A's not understand?
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Hello family,
well, I have been doing all right. Haven't really been "calling" my A on the phone much lately.

Found out that they (he and his new PREGNANT w/ twins) got a kitten, and I knew darn well that the motel would not let them keep it.

Got a call the other day, pity call, asking and almost certainly "demanding" me to help them.
Of course they found out that they can't keep it--wanted me to take it on.
Said I can't deal with any more pets. Got my hands full with my pet family, my new life, etc.

Called again and I just don't get it. I have decided if they call back, I will say just what I said above--"What part of NO do you not understand?"

Am I wrong, or just taking care of me.

Thanks,
HTC

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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off Be blessed and have a wonderful day. Remember God loves you. PEACE
artygirl


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Hi HTC...
You could do what I do when my ex AH calls, ...don't answer!!!

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
gardengal


~*Service Worker*~

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Sounds as if he has moved on with his life,,,but somehow wants to manipulate you still, I would have to agree with the other post, dont answer his calls , period. You have played this game for a very long time, so now start thinking about YOU, and taking care of you, and start living your life for YOU.



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gardengal
hippietrippiechick


Senior Member

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Sounds like good suggestions, and I have Caller ID anyway, so I have the power to answer or not answer my calls.

For if he shows up, don't let him in.

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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off Be blessed and have a wonderful day. Remember God loves you. PEACE
sweetums


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My ex A got a kitten and then left it with me when he split.....I told him this is part of the stuff he will take with him when he comes back to get it all. I had two young children, two cats already, and a small apartment at the time...no room, no time.

Was hard to kick the little thing out (this kitten) along with him, but I just had to draw the line. It would not be fair to the kitty or me.

he looked around and found it a very nice home.

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lin0606


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Yes, you are not the only person in the world who likes kittens - if you don't take it, chances are someone else will.

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hippietrippiechick


Senior Member

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I am really glad I posted about this here, especially since it is dealing with my ex-A. Thank God I never married him.
It is hard to say no to a cute little kitten, since I love animals dearly.
He has not called or come over since our last conversation. I do NOT intend to call him or his girl friend either.
My therapist said use the DO NOT CALL rule for him.
Even though I am not in a relationship with an A anymore, it does greatly affect the rest of my life. I am sure lots would agree.
I am just trying to continue to move farther and farther (emotionally and physically) away from this man.
I am dealing with soooo much in my own life, and that consists on getting my psych meds straight, dealing with my own family, getting to my doctors appts. I still deal with chronic pain on a daily basis, and it is very hard sometimes, just to "get going" some days.
Anyway, I am glad you all are still here for me.

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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off Be blessed and have a wonderful day. Remember God loves you. PEACE
Alanoner


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I will share what a therapist once shared with me.  "Staying friends" with an ex is like breaking up in slow motion...OUCH!!!

Doesn't it already hurt badly enough without dragging it out?

Breaking  up is better done quick and dirty and FAST like taking off a bandaide (unless you have children together, which you don't thank goodness!)!  Why are you calling him or letting him call you at all?  Like others have said, he has moved on...let him stay where he is.  You move on too now.

Listen to your therapist.  You can do this!!!

TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!

Ala
(Alanoner)


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hippietrippiechick


Senior Member

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Posts: 169
Date:
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I loved that analogy of Staying friends with an ex is like breaking up in slow motion. You all are so great.

Thanks, I will make an effort one day at a time to not call or accept calls or visits from him. It sometimes works to stay friends if you parted on good terms and stayed that way, but there has been too much BS before, during, and after to stay stuck this way.

Sometimes, it is hard for us to break away because we are so codependent on the A, but it is utter nonsense to continue this way.

I am sick of the games, lies, trials, and heartache.

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This is HippieTrippieChick Signing Off Be blessed and have a wonderful day. Remember God loves you. PEACE
curious


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Posts: 37
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You may not be in a relationship now with an A but if you don't figure yourself out you may well be in another relationship with some other addict.  At least that is true in my life.  Hats off to you if you can get up the twelve steps before you are enmeshed with spouse and children.  So many of us didn't know we needed help until our lives were in total chaos.  Keep coming to these rooms.  Keep working the steps.  You have choices and know you have choices.  What a great place to be.

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Curious
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