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Dear All, I haven't been on much lately, but things have really come to a head. My AH has been drinking non stop for 2 weeks, not working - he's an attorney and has tremendous earning capacity- but is too busy drinking to work. When we had to pay bills in the 15th he told me he didn't have $750 for his share of the monthly expenses. I told him last night that unless he quit drinking, went to detox and/or rehab and then started AA or some type of counseling that I was filing for divorce, as I can't live this way anymore. He told me he would quit drinking - which I have heard a million times before - but won't go to detox or AA. I told him that wasn't good enough and I was filing for divorce. I have an appointment with a great divorce lawyer tomorrow. I am heartbroken that he would chose the bottle over our marriage.
I'm sorry this is happening, it is heart breaking. My A also chose drugs and alcohol over our relationship. At first I just couldn't believe it, but his continued drinking and drugging eventually convinced me.
I felt like a piece of crap for a while, and one night I found this board and joined. My crapness was replaced by "not chopped liver!", and I got angry. I learned he had a disease that controlled him as long as he indulged himself in alcohol and drugs. I learned it wasn't personal to ME that he chose that stuff over being with me.
You've been round and round with your A, and I agree with you, it's time. He obviously won't stop as long as you are together, here's his next chance.
If he chooses not to stop, at least YOU are protected from his disease.
So sorry things are so difficult for you right now. I suspect that he isn't actually choosing the bottle over you, but that the disease is whispering, she doesn't really mean it, won't really do it, after all, there's a great guy here with tremendous earning potential! Which doesn't make it easier, I know. Keep coming back, we're here, & we're not going anywhere.
Thanks all for responding to me. I'm sitting at my desk almost numb, on the verge of tears. I can't believe this is happening - we had so many happy years together before the booze took over. I think I've cried wolf too many times before over the past 2 years, but I'm standing firm on my telling him either rehab or divorce. Thanks everyone.
Hi Chetch My situation (a little over a year ago) was similar. I too finally gave my A/cocaine addicted H the same ultimatum. He agreed to get some help (for the millionth time) and was right back drinking and drugging within hours of our conversation.
I had enough and made up my mind to divorce him and followed it through. His first reaction to the initial divorce papers was sarcastic... like okay, I didn't think you'd actually go through with it... now let's just forget the whole thing. He really thought I was kidding... or just making an idle threat.
I stood my ground and followed through, and I'm really happy I did. He still refuses to get any help with his addictions. I seriously doubt things would be any different if I did stay with him... and if I had stayed, I'd still be miserable.
I too felt that he chose his addictions over me. It was heartbreaking. I know now that the disease is just way stronger than he is, and it's more convincing than me.
The most important thing is that you protect yourself and you start living your life the way you want to live it.
Take care of you! Artygirl
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Same here, I always felt he chose it over me and the kids and in reality he did. Once he was sober he chose to use again. It is a choice as much as me staying and tolerating it is a choice and I'm very glad I left. He went straight downhill after I moved out and I'm glad I didn't hang on for that ride! I'm sorry you're suffering right now but things can only get better!
