The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been struggling with getting myself out of the isolation rutt. I would rather put myself under locked doors and windows and don't have much interests in getting out at all. I am stuck in such a rutt with this one. I don't really care much if I even try to make an effort of waking up each morning with a new day and trying to see what I have on my list of things that needs to be done.
I have spent my adult years locking myself away that I don't even know how or where to even begin opening up to others. I am so ashamed of myself and I wonder what people do think of me. I feel as if they are looking at me, having thoughts run through their mind about: "Oh that is such and such wife and she is the one that done this and that" and so on and so on. I feel as if I am the diesease itself that is lurking in each and ever aspect of life.
I am sure that there have and are others that feel this way as well. I am very open to suggestions on how to help myself understand that I am a valued person, cause at this point in time. I only see myself as being very used by all and abused. I don't see any good in me nor in what I have done for my family.
First, getting out of isolation is sheer force. soo....I double dog dare you to find a Alanon meeting in your area and start there. You only have to walk through the door and sit down. That's it, nothing more. You will not be judged, you will be amongst people just like you that are suffering or have suffered the same things.
There is a saying in Alanon...."what other people think of me is none of my business". It takes a little work to "get it" but truly, what others think doesn't matter. What matters is what you think of yourself. If you are going to base your happiness on what others may be thinking, you might never find it. Base your happiness on the person you want to be then strive to get there. It's a much less hurtful road.
You can do this!! (and remember the dare) Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
As always Christy is right on the money... there is not a safer place in the world than an AlAnon meeting. Just as you... I chose isolation to dealing with others remarks and opinions of my wifes drinking and antics... I was afraid more that people would fault me for not being able to make it stop.
I can tell you first hand, that reversing the isolation is only hard until you try it... meet some people in this program that truly know where you have been, and can show you were you are capable of going... and you will be off and running. It's up to you to keep it going until the habit is getting out and doing. Living your life is a wonderful experience if you let it be.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
This is something I relate to . I got stuck isolating because the a and I lived in an area out of town. He was gone all the time and I was stuck with my resentment. I'm now 6 months out from the relaitonship although there are still loose ends to tie up there.
I can defintely relate and know how it is to be stuck. I kept working on my goals.
First of all I want to welcome you to this site if you are new. And secondly I want to reassure you that most of us if not all have been exactly where you are now, dealing with "isolation". The other responses are bang on to find an Alanon meeting ASAP, and I couldnt recommend that more. I can remember sitting at home night after night, turning down invitations to go out with friends or family or even go to their homes for a visit, so I could be home if by chance my AH would come home earlier than usual. My whole world revolved around him, and not me. I sat in my own self pity waiting and waiting and waiting, and pretending to the outside world that everything was "ok", when in actual fact I was dying inside. I sank so low within myself, no self esteem , no energy, no desire for much of anything, so I wallowed within my head with all the stinking thinking swirling around and around day after day, alone. The first step to my recovery to get out and about was to force myself to go to Alanon once a week. Slowly I began to accept invitations and even started to ask people over, or call people to go out for coffee. I started to make a gratitude list and saw how many things I truly was grateful for, and the negatives in my life started to subside, and my life began to improve. I realized from going to Alanon only myself could make my life better and nobody else. I was responsible for my own health, my own happiness, my own direction in life, because no body else could do that, but me. I am not perfect, and probably never will be ,,,however when I get those "low days" when I want to isolate away from the world, I let myself have those moments , but they do not stretch into days, weeks , etc,,,,like they used to, and I have to thank my Alanon meetings for that, because I know there is a meeting I need to go to when this happens, and I always leave with a new frame of mind.
isolation is a process i am powerless over. live alone, except for a dog and my garden. Recently, in the terms of recovery my life went to my being hospitalized for a six month stay and then to move into a new location where i was out of my element.. appx 200 miles from where I use to live by my school.
along the way to where I am now, the movie 28 days came to my awareness. This movie has become the extended or long play version my life has become in this round of the recovery process. It, the movie addresses change takes one time, and to b prepared to take a year off of developing significant relationships. Meanwhile, I am getting a chance to see how to find balance in my long term relations and invent how to heal those familial / social settings.
I give myself that year's time before its into significant relationships on my end of it, for what its worth. Al anon will always be close to my heart.
Oceans of love dear one n patience too, and remember to breathe. getoverit
I have been struggling with getting myself out of the isolation rutt. I would rather put myself under locked doors and windows and don't have much interests in getting out at all. I am stuck in such a rutt with this one. I don't really care much if I even try to make an effort of waking up each morning with a new day and trying to see what I have on my list of things that needs to be done. 