The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
If you blow a .233 on an alcohol test, how bad is that? Does anyone know? My AH went to work last night(works night shift, me days) I kissed him goodbye and I could smell the alcohol immediatly. Before I would have begged him not to go in like that and manipulate him into staying for fear he would get fired. But this time I just let him go, and make his own mistakes.
He's come home drunk many times from work, leaving early. Someone at work told a superviser they thought he was drunk on the job. So, they sent him in for testing and he blew a .233 and now he has to wait for his drug test results to come back, which I know will be negative, it's the alcohol that's going to do it. That happened last night/early morning.
I went to work today, even though I really didn't want to. He said he was sorry, and how stupid it was of him.... blahblah blahhh.... And then I come home from work and walk in the apartment and it smells of smoke. He's in the livingroom on the floor passed out with a case of Coors and the frozen pizza in the oven is burnt to a crisp. Great... You would think him possibly loosing his job would be enough, but noooo.... No one knows where their bottom is, and when they're going to hit it. And that just plain sucks.
So, if the manager decides to let him back, my AH will be forced to go into an alchohol program and will have to have written proof every week from a counseler. And he will have to submit to a random breathalizer test every month. That's if they allow him back.
I'm just so tired after 9yrs of being with him and dealing with him. I'm tired of loving him, and sometimes I wish I could stop. I'm 27, almost 28 next month. I have no kids and refuse to have any with him while he's still drinking. And it looks like I may never have any as long as I'm with him. I think about that alot. I want a family someday, I always have. But I can't have children as long as I'm with him, and I'm not getting any younger....
Anyway, thanks for listening guys. I'm glad I can come here. Chris.
Sorry you are going through this - it must be scary.
Something very like this happened to us. My husband was caught sitting in the bar, plastered, while in charge of a company vehicle. They gave him the choice of going into treatment, or leaving the company. He picked the treatment, though it was touch and go for a few days which way he'd jump. I said nothing, left it up to him.
He went into detox saying things like "Well, I guess it won't hurt for me to slow down on the drinking for a little while, but I have no intention of joining AA or anything like that". Three days later he called me - he had been to a couple of AA meetings, was finally admitting he had a problem. He never took another drink.
I'm not gonna kid you and say that that was the end of our troubles. In many very real ways, sobriety (especially early sobriety) was harder on our marriage than the drinking and drugging had been. But, he worked his program, I worked mine, and the over next four years we both got healthier. When he was diagnosed with the cancer that killed him, this spring, lots of people thought he might pick up again - why not, eh? He didn't though, he died sober.
Can't say if this will happen in your case, but it CAN happen. No matter what, your job is the same - keep the focus on you, have compassion for him while taking care of yourself and protecting yourself from the worst effects of his disease. Good luck.
How sad this disease is. Well, honor your feelings. It is tiring when you have to pick up the pieces. Alanon is a good safe place to vent. I find lots of help here. Everyone understands.
If I remember rightly, a .233 is about eight ounces of hard liquor or eight beers. I might be wrong but I'm close. Plus it depends on their body weight, so if he's a big guy he could have had a lot more than that.
In a nonalcoholic, that blood alcohol level would have them not breathing in the emergency room! But alcoholics sure do build the tolerance.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I completely understand you questioning your current life and wondering what you really want for yourself.
Probably at this point he can't NOT drink without withdrawls (shaking, sweating, etc). My guess is he's at the point where he needs rehab/hospitalization to quit. Alcohol dependence is a medical problem . . . and if getting busted at work didn't shake him up, instead he's passed out with a burning pizza . . . he sounds far gone, he needs all the help he can get.
I hope for his sake his work demands he get treatment. If he's close to you in age and already this bad, he's going to kill himself with the drinking.
But you don't have to go down with him, you have choices and Alanon sure saved my butt when my exA was at his worst. I worked hard with the Alanon tools and was able to have some peace and sanity no matter what HE did. In my situation my A was not amenable to getting help, so I had to end it, but many members have had happier endings :) .
Take care and keep coming back, let us know what happens.
I know what you mean about the family. It is a hard decision. I commend you on the decision to not have them with him at this point. I sure wish mine didn't have to go through what they are. I have two, ds7 and ds20mths. The thing is I would love to have more, but have told my AH there is no way at this point that I would even consider it. I really wanted a large family, 4 or 5 kids maybe. I am sad for me and esp for you. I hate to give direct advice, but don't wait too long for him. You cannot control the timeline of his recovery.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
(((chris))), Sorry to hear about your hubby..23 is almost 3x the legal limit of being intoxicated i believe,i know hub is on dui #3 and each time blew around .22, way over limit.Anyway maybe he will be forced into a treatment program and realize he has to stop.Hope for both your sakes this will be the case.You can't change him, he has to be the 1 to decide to stop drinking and do something about it.So you should do your program, go to alanon meetings if you can and work on you.He has to work his program.good Luck.
Sorry to hear about you AH. This disease is so insidious. As for the .233 for an alcoholic that number isn't much of anything. I work at a detox center and our chronics often come in with BAC's of well over a .350. But those numbers also mean nothing to the alcoholic and bottoms can be a long way off. What we think would change someone usually doesn't. I pray that they let him keep working and it forces him to seek some sort of help. Many times that is the only thing that lights the fire.
