The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is now like 4/5 days since I had contact with the A. I have no idea where he is or what he is doing. I do know he has money and transportation (which is more than I have). I have moments when I worry about hiim and the state of his mental health. There are other days when I feel really free of him for the first time and able to concentrate on the future, my future, one that will be without him. I never ever thought I would write of that with a light heart.
I know when he took off in the summer it was a very different story. He managed to intrigue me, manipulate me and frustrate me. I've worked all summer to be free of the hooks he had in me. Some of them were not my doing. He destroyed the truck, I took the dogs (that was a miracle in itself). I've worked diligently all summer no matter what I went to work (except the day the dog went missing).
I've moved twice, gone back to helping the A, got back into his chaos, pulled myself out, took charge of me and my life and found a way. I never thought I would be at a place where I could detach. I have no dobut he is suprized I am not calling him. I've never not done that. I've always called, cared, been way overinvolved. I do not call these days. I do not get involved and i do not sacrifice myself for him anymore.
Maresie, the ONLY way I could even begin to get my life back was to break off all contact with my exA.
And then, when he continued to contact (or try to) me, I refused to respond. I refused his collect calls from jail, his "third party messages", yada. Yeah, he did escalate, but I ignored that too.
It was not easy . . . I had tons of emotional turmoil each and every time he attempted to make contact with me. The turmoil would have been much worse had I actually spoke to him, but it was still there albeit less so.
It's been four months now for me, and it gets easier over time to not respond. But this "time away" from contact with him has shown me that it really is up to me to decide. He can try and contact me as often as he wants, but it is MYSELF that decides whether or not to respond.
I thought I had to wait for him to just go away and leave me alone. When it became obvious he NEVER WOULD, it made me have to try something different. Something different was to consistently never respond to anything he did or said no matter how I felt about it. Like I said, it's not easy but it's been utterly worth it for my sanity :)
