The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi There Everyone!! It's been a LONNNNGGGGG time since I've popped in to write anything...but I have been here reading and checking out alot of the posts. I decided to stop in and write because it's been a whole nine months now that I've been away from my "AH" and just when I think he's not going to call me any more...BAM!...The phone rings and we still go round and round about who did what to who and it is just as much my fault is it is his! I'm so glad we're 3 hours away from one another...and my car is struggling just to keep me going back and forth to work...much less take a trip down there to where he is to smack him upside his head! <LOL> Because that's what I feel like doing! I mean...no matter how many times I tell him that the reason I'm here...and he's there...is because of his drinking and drugs...it's no use...And I know it's no use...deep down inside to waste my breath telling him. I cry...because this time last year I was praying to God to get me away from that man...and now here I am away from him, and doing very well as a matter of fact, and I still miss him! I want him to get his act together and be the husband I deserve to have!! I miss our dog! I miss fishing! I miss his mom and dad! (mine are deceased). I'm going to miss out on deer hunting in November! I miss living in the country! I miss driving my school bus! I miss the kids I drove on the bus! I miss what few friends I made there in the past 3 years! I know that God knows best, what He's doing with both me and my husband...but that doesnt mean it still doesn't hurt like hell! I HATE it that our marriage has to end, and I cannot convince my husband of that!! He just thinks I wanted to hurt him for no reason! grrrrrr! How smart is that? Its such a long story...I don't want a divorce! I don't like living alone! I don't like being back in the city! I don't like it that he doesn't believe that God is real and could put this marriage back together in a heartbeat...if he only believed that!!!! So... I'm just going to have to keep letting go, and letting God, do what He's gonna do...because it's for sure I'm in no position to change the man, that's a fact! I have had enough of this whole ordeal...and yet...I can't just brush it under the rug as if it never happened. We've known one another for almost 15 years. It's so hard to think about all we've done together sometimes...and he hasn't got the slightest clue I hurt because of it!! Well...friends...I need to get to bed...I know tomorrow is another day...and I will be another day stronger than I was today...and the next day...and the next day...just like every day it's taken to get me where I am from nine months ago! Right? Take care! God Bless ! Hugs, Korinne
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
Hugs and I am so sorry you are going through this I wish there was something I could say or do to heal your pain!!! Hang in there and your right another day stronger as got you were you are today from 9 months ago!!!!
