The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been struggling with this concept for awhile now. I want to be there to support my mom through life but I don't want that to mean that I accept her behavior. Is there a way that I can support her through her tough times of being Bi-Polar and having chronic health issues without accepting her behavior from being addicted to pain medications?
Julie: My own ESH on this is that when I started to be aware of my limits I stopped being codependent. When I started to say I had to be a player in the issue too I stopped enabling the A. I certainly support he is ill, broke and lost. I also know that I have needs and none of them were getting met in the way I related to him.
These two things are not opposites. You can be supportive and accepting at the same time. Accepting who she is as a person is not the same thing as accepting unacceptable behavior. One place to start is to try to identify for yourself one behavior trait at a time that is related to addiction and unacceptable and figure out how you want to handle that one thing. Depending on the behavior, you may decide to leave, hang up the phone, ignore it, simply do not react to it, or whatever seems right for you.
You can support her without being dragged into her manipulations and drama. The key consept here I think is detachment. Alanon has a very good pamphlet on this that really helps explain it.
Anyway, you are in my thoughts today. We are here for you.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
