The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
lost functioning, lost logic and lost any intelligence I may have. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I am such a mental case and I can't think straight to figgure anything out. I try to be normal whatever that is in front of kids. don't trust AH but want to, I see therapist, I go to f2f meetings, I am not Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. I literally feel like I am going crazy. I try to take care of myself, accomplish something, easy does it, call friends to get out, have schedule of some sort. Hard to see what is real - alanon or what is normal, what is right. Maybe just overdosed on last ten years of family dysfunction and all the related therapies, not tired but exhausted from all this thinking of how to do things the best way, what is right, what works - I have no idea anymore - I think my automatic actions are to freeze frame like a deer caught in the headlights. I have no action. I just stayed home and stopped trying. Hope is not a plan but that works because I have to work hard to have any hope when working on depression all the time too. Everything is too hard. I am just lost.
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Hello Ddub , like our literature says somedays living with alcoholism is just too much . perhaps it's time to Let Go , and look after yourself no one else can , we try so hard only to fail over and over again why ? anything we do is doomed to fail because it's not our problem to fix . Leave the disease where it belongs * with him * and take care of you . Two things changed my life when I got here , a page in our ODAT daily reader on July 14th and our detachment pamphlet . I read that pge every day for six months before I truly could do what it said the detachment pamphlet made it perfectly clear what my job in our relationship was and that little piece of paper kept me busy for a long time . I am never with out that pamphlet and this is 22 yrs later. Easy does it girl , take care of you. He has a higher power too. good luck Louise
I think that the biggest mistake we all make is to try to make sense of the past and predict the future. Living in the moment is a skill learning of which takes time but if we do live in a moment, just the present minute, sometimes the present second we can suddenly see that we cope. Past is gone, the future is not here. The present is all we have. Not long ago I was feeling overwhelmed, lonely, desperate, scared, depressed, I felt I was going crazy and not coping with anything. My life has not changed much at all, yet I am happy and I enjoy most of my present moments. It is my attitue which has changed. I do not worry, I just am. I know it may sound wacko but please try not to think, just be in the moment. It is strange but it is the thinking which prevents us from being. Meditation is a great tool to stop thinking and learn to let the thoughts and attachments go as soon as they arrive in our mind. Please take gentle care of yourself. With love Lily
I don't have any words of wisdom just wanted to give you a big (((((((hug))))).
I know exactly what you mean when you say you are exhausted. It is hard when we are constantly fighting to be healthy and do things in the best way possible and we are met with resistence at every turn. Letting it all go, surrender because you are being dragged. We can't control it even with good, healthy tatics. I have had great groth experiences when I have gone down to the bottom. Climbing out I have learned more than I thought I could. This too shall pass, what can we do to help it pass more smoothly or quicker? Feeling it, comming here and f2f to get it out and know that we are not alone, reading and sometimes (for me) taking a break and accepting that I am where I am and it might not be the healthiest place ever but so what. Just keep comming, let the tears flow and be kind to yourself.
Well, I don't have many words of e, s,or h right now, but I must say that I am getting comfort from the kind responses and words of wisdom you are receiving
I recently started a Mindful Meditation and Relaxation Class. It is interesting in that it overlaps with the tools talked about in al-anon - acceptance, awareness, and being in the moment. Discussions of how not all negative feelings are bad, and how we can learn from them. I am finding it very helpful to me in terms of learning to focus on the moment and to just be. I think most importantly, however, is that I feel as if I am actively doing something for me even though it is not easy (30 min away on a school night with 3 kids to be cared for). That is the empowering part right now.
It is interesting how you spoke of being a deer in headlights. Last night in our class, the instructor spoke of how she believes there is more than just the Fight or Flight responses to stress. She added Freeze to the list and then read us a recent study specific to women called "Tend and Befriend" which has to do with taking care of children and reaching out to other women.
Please reach out to others and if you need to cry.... DO! I have found a good 'ol gut-wrenching loud sob to be helpful. Too many feelings to keep inside....
Take care of yourself. I am thinking of you.
Blessings,
Lou
-- Edited by Loupiness at 09:44, 2007-10-05
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
When I was in therapy almost ten years ago I "overdosed" on working with/facing some stuff from my past and had my first full blown panic attack (I had no idea what it was, I thought I was dying). I even called 911!
My therapist told me I needed to ease up, stop digging and working for a while, and like Lou said, work with meditation and relaxation techniques.
So apparently you can work TOO hard on yourself :D .
Let what you've "dug up" settle back into the past, you've acknowleged it, the mind has some natural healing functions of it's own, let them deal with it by letting it all go for now.
For people like me who go whole hog, I have to learn balance and temperance even in self growth.
I think what's happening to you isn't all that uncommon, you're just overloaded and need to cool off, really! Be very, very kind to YOU for a while, baby yourself. You aren't lost hon, you are overwhelmed. Ease up on the hard work and you'll come back around.
I remember that feeling. I think it's important to remember at times like this to tell ourselves..."I am right where I am supposed to be when I'm there" I love my book "The language of letting go" I read it everyday and have for the past 2+ years......be gentle with yourself....use the serenty prayer....and know how much support you have. Hugs
I definitely felt like this for a long long time here. I felt stuck in fear. I got to start on the tools. One was to make a plan B. I also have to daily learn to detach. Living around any addict is very very very difficult. Be kind to yourself. One of my core charactor traits is to start to get down on myself. That gets me nowhere.
I am sorry you are feeling as you do. The only person you need to take care of at the moment is you - keep the focus on yourself and easy does it. Sometimes we have to hit our own bottom - then things begin to change for us too when we are exhausted and tired of feeling the way we do. Are you getting any help for your depression and/or on any medication? Time heals - don't give up. It will get easier. Go gently and know we are all here for you when you need to post and talk. Being lost is ok. The answers will come - be patient and have faith.
An alanon saying that has saved me plenty of times is "do the next right thing". You don't have to see the whole path, just pick a healthy choice, and go from there. And usually, there are lots of heatlhy choices - it doesn 't matter which one you pick. Tackle that pile of dirty dishes before the cockroaches move in, cuddle up with popcorn and a movie with the kids, put on a big warm sweater and walk the dog in the moonlight, meet a friend for coffee.....
One of the first things I noticed, when I began to change my behaviour, was that when I stopped yelling, the house was quieter. HE still yelled, sure, but with me quiet, there was only half as much ugly noise. The less I forced him to be nice to me, the less mean he was. All I had to do was set down some of the load I was carrying, and it changed the balance of everything, It didn't solve any of our problems, but it made my little corner more livable.
