The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been having some kind of breakdown lately!! Call it emotional, mental, hormonal--who really knows, but Friday I about fell to pieces! I left work sick--stomachache, headache, couldn't stop crying--just feeling awful!!!! So I headed to town, to drown away my sorrows and stress with a shopping spree. I bought one outfit from a consignment shop and headed for the mall. I had all kinds of cute clothes in my hands for my kids and put them all back, I knew I couldn't afford to be doing that!! I headed home, sat in a dark house, watched TV and cried all afternoon. Spent most of my weekend trying to keep myself busy, but just feeling like a huge mess--like I've been feeling for quite some time now. I have been very frustrated with my sober ah, I've been angry and resentful and getting meaner each day it seems. I try to write it out and let it go, but I always seem to take it back. Yesterday I was miserable all day b/c I knew I had to go back to work today and I just didn't want to. I DON't WANT TO WORK!!!! I want to be at home to take care of my kids and my home!!!! I am not a good working mother! These last 3 sentences I tell myself all the time. So no wonder I am getting resentful and pouty and mad! I know realistically there are many people in my shoes--shoot I'm lucky to have shoes!! I rarely ask my hp for anything for me. I ask HIm to help others (my ah mostly), but I figure I am here to do what I have to do. Well today I decided to ask Him to help me! I told Him what I wanted and I know He will work it out, the way it is supposed to be in His time. Can I tell you I am feeling much better today!!!!!???!!! Anything solved? Nope not really--no immediate answer was/is going to come. At least I have turned it over!!!
(Man these pregnancy hormones are working overtime with this one!!!)
Maybe today I can get back to the business of living instead of moping!!!
Maybe it's time to let MOST of it go ? Some days living with alcoholism is truly too much for most of us . That too will pass . Spending sprees used to be my solution too , that worked for a few days then the guilt hit and I usually never wore the clothes I bought anyway. So eventually i stopped doing it . You have the tools , one day at a time , get happy regardless of what he is doing , and when praying Pray for yourself , your husb has a HP too . I always forgot that . He will take him where he needs to go. Ask for help to enjoy your children and god forbit YOUR JOB hehe , it works Louise
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping that you will find the answers you are looking for very soon. Keep you head up. Being a working mom and coping w/an A and pregnancy all at once can get overwhelming. Find some YOU time, take a few minutes to breathe and relax. You are only one person and can only do so much.
I go through times like you discribed too. I don't know why they happen, it's not like anything in my life is changing. I do not consider myself as a person who is depressed or who goes through depression, but I have to say, sometimes I really feel depressed. I do not like feeling that way.
The only thing that I can figure that causes me to feel depressed is that I think I am just on overload. The weight that we have to carry as spouses or loved ones with addiction problems is very tiring. It is a constant juggling of emotions.
I too have been going through some tough times emotionally and have been going to my HP for guidance, patience, and help in trying to sort out my feelings. I too have found great comfort in just asking for help.
Perhaps you could talk with your dr. I mean, absolutely pregnancy is marked by hormone shifts, but I don't want to lose you because of a mental break down. And, you know, maybe they can direct you into a program of some kind (besides ours of course) that can help you get your feet back under you. I really would hate to see you fall apart after all your fantastic growing. I really would.
I have had times like that too, and I am pretty sure it was not hormones for me. *smile*
Seems like there is some "thing" that maybe I have been pushing deep down inside that I just suddenly had to deal with. Certain realizations and sometimes just the need for release.
I think for me, I just had ignored my emotions for so many years that from time to time they just come spewing to the surface.
I hope that you can start the day over now, see the new sunrise and know everything is going to be ok. I truly believe it will. *smile*
I am so glad you are here with us.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
My prayers and thoughts of peace are floating your way. I have been where you are also. It seems sometimes that when we feel that way, it is truly hard to come up from the "pit" of despair.
This is what I forced myself to do. I remembered all of the people I have met in my life that truly have it worse. I think of how grateful I am to have my family and friends, my legs, my arms, my brain. Going to a meeting is good for this, hearing someone else's problems and how they got through them is hopeful. Then, pray, pray pray. You know, I gradually got stronger.
Remember that you won't feel this way forever. And, let yourself cry and feel bad if you need to. But also take some proactive work to begin to heal and bring yourself out of it. Your kids need you, and you need to set an example to them of how to be a loving, strong person. It did take some time, though for me.... we are all a work in progress. Sorry if this seems harsh, but you will feel better.
Thanks everybody! Nothing anyone said seemed harsh! I know I can and will make it through this just like I have made it through everything else--one step, one day at a time!
