The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
sad and unsettled........ tired of myself fighting depression and all
like to write things down to get them out of my head. sometimes then I can figgure it out and if I can't, some of you can usually help me.
At home I can keep busy, at motel I was restless, claustrophobic and slept to calm my panic. woke up at 10pm, oh no.
Walked around motel, lots of groups of people laughing, talking...... then tried to phone someone to talk, all unavailable and lobby laptop brought in an email that hurt my feelings from sil. No one will have conversations.
Realised I travel with sons alone so much better, I don't allow all that electronic game, laptop, tv time, require acknowledgement as part of conversation skills and we stay on the same schedule of lights out and waking for motel room sharing. Different rules when A travels with us and I hate it - so alone and hate how the boys imitate A to stay quiet and out of trouble. If I make a stink, it catches the boys between two set of rules which is even harder.
I hate how this all makes me look my worse, really tried to call up al anon tools and going over slogans plus happy is inside job but I was just plain miserable. I am sick of being whiney, sick of this all playing mind games with myself, and in the meantime the A comes off smelling like a rose. Less drinking, boys all love the electronics and no requirements from parents - bad guy if I do nothing as feel bad habits & role model for boys and bad guy if I try to improve the parenting. frustrated, you bet!
Maybe this will make sense in the morning, slept another 3 hours when we returned, staying busy at home and now that doesn't seem like the right thing to be doing, as it did before this wkend in one room. feel whiney, crazy and pitiful - this didn't used to be me.
-- Edited by ddub at 14:11, 2007-10-01
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
That is such a tough situation. I have been there over the years, and I am sure many of us can relate.
The only thing that helped me move past that was realizing that I am a better judge of myself and my motives than they are. I try these days to do what is right, reguardless of how anyone feels about it. Their reaction is not my responsability.
I hope your daughter feels better soon, and I wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers....
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
