The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The last few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. I found out I was pregnant (by my A boyfriend) and decided not to go through with the pregnancy. It was not a very hard decision for me, this is a terrible time in my life for a child, not to mention I am not sure I want to stay with my boyfriend and definitely am not ready for the ties that come with a child (especially dealing with alcoholism). However I have felt awful physically and mentally for the last couple months. I was feeling sick to my stomach, exhausted, and my emotions have been out of control. These symptoms might have been bearable had I been at all happy about the whole thing.
I have been isolating myself from my friends because I didn't want to talk about it, and it was most of what I had been thinking about. I've been mostly just working and coming home and laying on the couch all night, not motivated to do anything. I started out liking my new job and it became a chore to me, it was all I could do to get up in the morning. I really felt like I had become someone else.
Today I was driving home, and for the first time in a while I was really HAPPY . It was such an odd feeling that I actually noticed it and got excited. I had coffee after work with a friend and I think it was so good for me to just TALK to someone. It's something so small that we take for granted, but when I isolate myself I just get so depressed and lonely.
I am not doing so well detaching myself. I felt really good after work, and after I got home to my bf who had been drinking, I let it practically ruin my whole mood. I caught myself, and tried to stop it. I went and took my dog for a walk, and now I feel better. I need to learn that when he's been drinking I need to do things that make me happy- go for a walk, or read my book, or call a friend..and not let him affect me so much! I have always had trouble with being emotional and sad, hormones or not, and it's really easy for me to get depressed.
This was a very hard thing for me, but I have not talked to anyone in what feels like ages, so, thanks for listening.
Hi summergrl I'm glad you're starting to feel a little better. It's hard enough dealing with an A, without the emotional, hormonal stuff you've been going through yourself.
Having positive people around to talk to has really helped me. If I spend too much time sitting home alone, not doing anything, I get depressed and lonely too. Sounds like you're on the right track.. doing things that make you happy! Keep up the good work!
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
If you ever need to talk about the abortion feel free to pm me. I've lost five pg's and had to have two D&E's which are abortions ( I hate that word but that's what they were sadly) I can understand your concerns. I have three children with an alcholic. My children are ages 7,6,6 and things can get confusing but I wanted them more then anything. I wouldn't talk you into doing something you were not ready for. I could maybe help you with the pro's and con's of having a baby with an alcoholic. It's not easy but do-able. Please keep coming here. I hope to talk with you, if you want to.
Good idea! Don't isolate yourself. But living with an alcoholic makes you do that sometimes. Can't answer the baby thing from personal experience. There is no right or wrong time to have a baby. They will keep you up at night even when they are in their 20's. Hang in there and keep coming back to MIP.
Wow, you have made some very hard decisions, but from the sound of your post you did so with your eyes wide open and with strength.
It sounds too like you've been depressed and are "coming up" from it. Depression, unless it is prolonged, can be a tremendous growth experience. We go into the underworld and face some hard facts, and it makes us stronger than we were before.
I'm so glad to hear from you again!
Remember detatchment takes practise. At first, you only "act as if" you are detatched. He's sitting in his chair, the air around him rippling with alcohol fumes . . . and you walk past whistling or humming, though inside you feel *whatever*. Then you feel better. Attitude and feelings come AFTER action, not before.
I hope to see you here again soon. Take care of yourself, hon. This isn't easy, we all relate with you here.
. It was such an odd feeling that I actually noticed it and got excited. I had coffee after work with a friend and I think it was so good for me to just TALK to someone. It's something so small that we take for granted, but when I isolate myself I just get so depressed and lonely. 