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Been living in a state of depression these past few months.....alot of questions, I have questioned about everything in my life....Still don't have many answers, however things seem were heading in a better direction....
Zach is playing football again, daughter is starting to laugh, the tears of my husband's death were lessening and then...OMG.....my son's best friend in the world was killed on a quad Saturday.....he had just left my house, 10 minutes prior to the accident....a mear 18 years young...omg.....he was my son's best friend....Jesse the boy, lost his parents at the age of 13, he pretty much adopted my family as his own...he and my son were as close as any two people can be on earth...they had more mutual love for each other than I can ever express.....
Zach usually plays ball on Friday night, for some reason this week his game was on Saturday, Jesse came over, Zach had to go to the High School to get ready for the game..the funny thing is....(he always called me mama) when he left he gave me a big hug and a kiss and said, see ya later MAMA....I looked at Zach and said, wow he is sure happy today.....tears....Zach said, I know mom how nice to see.....
So my family is experiencing more grief....more pain....,more questions on why God...and it is hard to keep our faith in God...I have questioned it myself much lately
We are trudging thru...sadly....
I guess, for now the only thing I can really say is be thankful for today because we may never see tomorrow.....
I am so sorry to see you in this space Andrea. I know I was tremendously inspired by your story in recovery. I remember when you went back out there and got a job. That was so inpsirational to me. I had all but given up. I was awash in depression and despair and fear. I decided if Andrea can do it I can do it too. I can only imagine the pain you are going through at your husband's death and how much you suffered because of his addiction. I also know how much you got from detaching, turning things over and not taking your husbands behavior personally.
I am so so glad for your cihldren that they have you as their rock. I feel like I have grieved so much during the past years on my ex's addiction, his decline and watching him destroy himself. I have grieved some days till there is nothing more to be sad about. I have also washed away all my sense of over responsiblity about it.
I can only imagine how much you bought to this boy's life with your open door, warmth and kindness. I cannot concieve of "why" or "how" anymore. I gave up asking why. When I go there about the A's behavior I know it is not for me to ask anymore. I don't have an answer for that. I do know that your story,your strength, your courage and your recovery gave to me when I had nothing and felt like I could not go on a moment longer.
I'm so sorry you and your son must go through this. Hopefully, someday, you can consider that it may not be such a bad thing. He has united with his parents and in my belief, is not gone, just has gone to a higher realm in spirit. We grieve and miss them for a long time. Little by little we begin to live with the absence of their actual bodies in our lives. I truly believe they are able to be with us in spirit. At some point I let in the thought that perhaps the life wasn't so much cut short but rather that they got to return "home" sooner then expected. If we believe in a hereafter it can only be that it is a wonderful place to be. What we are really left with is our own feelings of loss. It certainly isn't an easy thing to deal with. It took me a good 4 yrs to say my daughters name with a smile instead of tears. The darkness does end (((Andrea))) but it takes time and you and your son both need to take as much as you need. There is no time limit on grief.
Lots of love Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am so sorry for your loss. My 4 yr old lost her best friend this summer. It has been a nightmare. At the service the pastor said that she was an angel, and angel's can't stay too long on earth. God takes them home. That was somewhat comforting. It has shaken my faith to the core. I pray that someday I will see why this had to happen, or see something good that has come out of it. I am sure, I have faith that time and perspective will show me the miracle. For now, it just hurts. I wish I had some great words to lessen the pain. You and your family are in my prayers. Much love.
Hello Andrea , so sorry for your loss of your young friend. Hugs to your son . Why , I find is such a usless question , one we will never find an answer to. My friend who always said that nothing , absolutley nothing happens in Gods world by mistake worked for me until she was killed last yr . I had to come to terms with this and let it go , so using her pilosophy , I decided that Man caused the accident( ironically killed by a drunk driver ) and thats when God stepped in , should he take her or let her live> perhaps she would have been an invalid or tied to a life support system which would have been so sad as she was such a vibrant personality and lived her life to the fullest. In your case it is always so sad when one so young is taken . My thoughts are with you and your family today . take care of you . Love Louise I also decided that God needed another angel to help in his work .
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My family is wrapping our big arms around your family. I don't have answers for you. It always seems to come in groups. I'd lose one parent, and then another relative and then a friend, etc. all within 6 months. I gave up questioning when it would end. I just didn't have the energy. But I do know, that at some point, you begin to come out of it. You are so right, hold the people you love close no matter what. Life is too short. Keeping you and your family in my prayers as always.
Love, Karilynn, Hubby & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I am so sorry. You have my thoughts and prayers and positive energy to hope that you and your son make it through this time with the least amount of pain. Eventually, there will be light at the end of the tunnel! I'm so very sorry!
When a young relative of my H's was killed, the priest at the eulogy said something like, it will be interesting to see what god makes of this; not because it makes any sense, because it doesn't - but because god is capable of taking anything and using it for good in some way.
I'm so sorry this blow is coming so hard on the heels of the last one. (((((((((((( hugs))))))))))))))) are here whenever you want them, and if you don't that's okay too.
