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I have 8 more days until the A is released back into society
I would love to say that it's no big deal, etc. etc. but as most of us know he will probably show up in my vicinity or be calling wanting this that and the other. His mom said she has found a lady who can help him with a place to stay (several hours from me)
I know he'll refuse though god forbid he have to follow any recovery house rules.
Anyhow, I am just glad we are leaving to go to Orlando in less than two weeks and will be unavailable and I won't have to deal with him wanting to see the kids for the first week or two. Only one wants to see him anyway but that's the bed he's made...
I refuse to let his wants and demands be a burden on me! I am going to be strong and not put myself out to fulfill his wishes about his son! It's easier to say no than it is to have him come in and out of his life! Is that wrong? I think to ask for a period of sobriety before allowing any visits is reasonable? Any thoughts on this?
Yeah, lots of "thoughts", most of them along the lines of UGH!! which aren't real helpful to you.
Well first don't borrow trouble . . . just expect it without specific expectations.
In my most recent post on "vulnerability", it was suggested to me that I had a choice to be afraid and angry whenever my exA poked into my life again, or I could choose to trust HP and accept that he's the way he is, this is my situation, and just accept it. Further, what actually HAPPENS with the exA can be dealt with with acceptance and faith in the moment when it actually happens.
On to another thought I had, you really need boundaries with him. You may need legal assistance to reinforce them if your A is anything like mine. He'll be on parole, I'm guessing, so he'll have someone breathing down his neck and urine drug testing him.
Can you have your lawyer fashion something, like supervised visitation with a social worker (not you :D ) and with a clean UA? Considering his past record, this should be no problem, just the money to get it done.
Protect the children! And yourself. It's hard enough to not have them inside our heads messing around when they aren't here . . . when they are, it's got to be worse.
His demands are flatulence. Decent, respectful requests aren't. Huge diff.
I think it's perfect to want sobriety, but.......do you think he'll actually do it? I think if you can catch him sober for any length of time it's good to have your child to see him. But you know me.......I think it's important for a father to be in a childs life especially for a boy. And I know how bad it sucks to allow it. Children don't see the bad in their daddies so much. If your worried about what he might say or do then have a visit in a VERY public place. Have fun in Orlando. My sister and I are going in two weeks for Halloween horror nights!!
wow this sounds like the exA. He has a place to go stay with his uncle and refuses it. He has nowhere else to go. I spoke to him today and he was like well I know what I have to do. I told him explictly he cannot come to stay with me. I also told hm he will have to negotiate if and when he gets the dog back. He didn't like that one bit.
I would take the visitation issue to input from others. There are ways you can get supervised visitation. I also don't blame you one bit for going off on your holiday without him. I wish I could just take off withhout the A. In fact right now I am thinking the best place for the A is in jail as he is so out of control. Apparently he is getting belligerant with his current landlord.
I have with your help really worked on detaching from the A and relinquishing any idea I can help him. I am through with that. He has caused such damage in my life and he won't accept that on any level. On the weekend he spoke cavalierly about getting a payment in right off on the truck. He said that it was in the works (its been in the works for months) but he didn't see anything morally wrong with taking money for a truck he didn't pay a dime for.
but that's the bed he's made...
