The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok So last week I posted on Having a spiritual awakening while cleaning. Is there such a thing as too much program, because it happened again. But this time was different, maybe because I was more open to it.
Well we just moved into this new place about a month ago and tonight we are having a dinner party. So of my very good friends from work and maybe a few of his friends (the ones he knows I will tolerate). So of course before you have company you need to clean up.
So I scrubbed the floors again. This time I had a special bucket that is only to be used for cleaning the floors, pinesol, and a scrub brush. And I ws anxious to get started.
While I begin my oldest (she is 8) asked if she could help me, and I said sure. Well after a bit it was clear that all she was doing was just spreading the dirt around, and not really cleaning. I started to get upset with her, because the house had to be perfect for my company.
OMG, thank god the sane one inside my head slapped the snot out of the crazy women who still resides in me. She said now wait a minute first these are your friends and they are coming for the food (hehe) and not to see how clean your stupid floors are. And then I had another thought relating to alanon.
If scrubbing the floors and getting rid of dirt and stains is like cleaning me and removing the pain of letting people walk all over you, then you need a sponsor. My daughter had never cleaned a floor (I mean deep down white knuckled scrubbing clean) and I shouldn't just expect her to do it my way. And then I thought who the hell am I to think that there is only one way to clean a floor.
I told her that I was in a hurry as her dad was going to be back soon and would need to be in the kitchen and the floors needed to be done then, and next week she could help, when we weren't in a hurry.
Just like a sponsor, if they don't have time to devote to a sponsee, then they shouldn't take one on. Also they need to have a plan and know how to work with thier sponsee.
When we first get here we need a sponsor to show us the way to clean ourselves, not do it for us, but teach us.
I am one stubborn woman, and I need a sponsor who will kick me when I need it. So sponors have been on my mind. I need one, I need a new one. My sponsor is great. She is kind, compassionate, and extremely codependent (go figure huh?). I need somone who will hold me accountable and who can show me how to be accountable to me.
I really want to work this program. I want to remove the stains so that I can be ready for a normal healthy relationship with me and others.
I need to get my head on straight so I can figure out what the heck to do in my marriage. I am really wanting to leave actually ask him to, but I hesitate because I don't know if that is the sicko or the healthy one.
So I am going to keep scrubbing my floors, and keep my eyes open for a sponsor who will work me.
My stubborn butt is probably going to take a while. So if anyone has a floor to scrub let me know, I am getting good at it now. :)
Yours in recovery, Mandy aka Dolphin123
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
It's nice to see someone else have program moments in similiar situations as me ! Sometimes I think I'm crazy (for those of you thinking I am, work your own program, HAHAHA) .
I've really appreciated you sharing these moments.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Frankly me dear you make me look sane! I just got done scrubbing my floors because hubby is finally out of the house fishing. It felt so good. I just have this vision that if I do them while he is home and him taking a nasty fall. That would set us back another 21 weeks! NO WAY. I wasn't going to do it before I went to work. But then I thought why not? It's cool the floors will dry quickly and that frees me up a bit to do other things this week with him. So while I was going to relax this morning, I can readjust my sails and relax in a different way. You're right, nobody cares about what your floors look like. They just want the pleasure of your company. Hope you all had a great time.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
LOL I love it! I have my deep thoughts in the shower and while putting clean sheets on the bed. hmmmmmmm these are times of cleaning, starting over, your posts opened my eyes to stay open to these time. Thank you for sharing! Hugs
PS my oldest son is doing his tatoo apprenceship in Bremerton...your side of the bridge....
SenoraBob sends Mandy a scrub brush with a trout attached as well as a sponsor with "butt kicking" credentials. 
I just got done scrubbing my floors because hubby is finally out of the house fishing. It felt so good. I just have this vision that if I do them while he is home and him taking a nasty fall. That would set us back another 21 weeks! NO WAY. I wasn't going to do it before I went to work. But then I thought why not? It's cool the floors will dry quickly and that frees me up a bit to do other things this week with him. So while I was going to relax this morning, I can readjust my sails and relax in a different way. 
You're right, nobody cares about what your floors look like. They just want the pleasure of your company. Hope you all had a great time. 
