The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wind up in these work situations and have stayed with them until something happens to make me leave. The first two the companies were going bankrupt and I needed to have a job so I found another because I had to. In both cases I left a year before they folded. I took the first thing offered. Then next one through Alanon was able to recognize the dysfunction, still took me awhile to leave. My boss called herself a recovering alcoholic, but she did things like when someone quit giving the proper two week notice, the next meeting we would have would be all about this person, how she never should have hired them in the first place, the work they did was horrible and if this person reported directly to her she would make their life difficult until they left. She would go into rages and throw calculators at the wall. We had two different offices and when she went from one office to the other someone would call giving warning that she was on her way and what kind of mood she was in, so everybody would be prepared. When I decided to leave my life at home was a mess. I had asked my ex to leave, my oldest son would have nothing to do with me, and my youngest was having trouble at school and at home. I couldnt keep my mind on my work and made a few mistakes. I was told I was being audited and the mistakes were unacceptable. I was given a three day suspension and when I came back she didnt want to have to tell me again. I felt so much shame over this after the three days I quit. Took the next job offered and found myself back in the same kind of dysfunction.Now that I have quit this job but need to find another fast. Not much left in savings to meet my obligations. I find myself at a point where I feel like I have nothing left to give. I have told myself that when my situation got better I would try to face some of my demons. I have put this off because the work situations were so exhausting along with people I have met who are having troubles that I have tried to fix, there wasnt time or energy for me. I have lived with alcoholism all my like. I grew up in it. My father died of this disease 12 years ago. I have four siblings. One of my older sisters is active in the disease, she reminds me of my dad, abusive and can become violent. Out of four girls in the family I was called daddys little girl. In the past two and a half years my oldest sister, who was like a mother to me at times, passed away from cancer. She died 9 months after being diagnosed.Six months before that her daughter, who was severely handicapped, passed away. Then 4 months later my mom passed away, I never got along with her, she passed away 4 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer.All this was going on as I was trying to separate myself and my youngest son from all the dysfunction.Nothing in this time was solved between my family of origin and myself. Then my family fell apart. Nothing with any of them has been solved either. Im by myself for the first time in my life. I guess this must be what you call hitting bottom.So I guess my question is how do you manage all that needs to be dealt with and work too? That is if I ever find work. I think Im at the end of myself and have no idea where to start. Sorry for this being so long and if you made it this far I appreciate you sticking it out.
Welcome to the site, and I can relate, had no problem getting to the end of it, I too have had these type of bosses, I not going to take responsibility for their bad behaviour and would suggest that they pick up their own parcels, keep posting you are in my prayers,
My last boss acted just like that. I ended up burning out and leaving the job (which I really, really enjoyed). He would throw things, turn bright red and scream at whoever. He would love a new hire for a while then dislike them and find nothing they could do right and out they'd go. It took me a while to realize that's what happened to ME :)
Since I have worked on my own "demons" my worst demon was my codependency. It enabled me to tolerate terrible, inappropriate behavior from my exA, co-workers, bosses, even friends.
My codependency had me willing to believe ANYONE else's point of view over my own. If theirs differed from mine, then automatically I was wrong.
Yes, my family of origin was the place I learned all of this. They are all the same way, so naturally . . .
Moving up here to the middle of Nowhere, Idaho, rather forced me to give up a not so healthy support system. Getting rid of my exA too. I've had to carefully revamp my support system. Right now, it is a few but GOOD neighbors and friends, and of course my faves, the folks at MIP.
Are you going to meetings for yourself? It is a perfect way to revamp a support system and bring positive people into your life. It is like a tonic.
Living with active alcoholism (the disease) just wipes us out, smashes us down until we don't know which end is up. For me, it clouded my judgement and I made bad choices for myself b/c I was so clouded.
I also had to deliberately begin focussing on what is OK or wonderful in my life. Yeah, the bad stuff is there, but it was a matter of the Serenity Prayer, what could I change and what did I need to accept as is and let go?
Glad to see you around again! It's so hard "at first", when we make the break and begin looking in to ourselves for the first time in a long time. It takes TIME. As much as I wish it didn't, it takes LOTS of time go get past this stuff and move on. But in the meantime, there are beautiful days, serendipitous events, sunsets, puppies and kittens :D, and great, loving Alanon folks just waiting to be a part of your life.
Keep up the good (hard) work. I'm still new at all this, but I'm telling you it pays off, just never ever give up on yourself, you are so worth it :)
As far as dealing with it, that's it you just have to find ways and accomodate your life to deal with everything. I have managed for the most part although I could use more income but things are running fairly smoothly. It is hard to work it all in and some things just have to go by the wayside but eventually you'll get it figured out. This is the first time I have really ever been alone too and I have 3 kids but after a year we have found our own little groove. You will too, humans are exceptionally adaptable! Just look at the BS we learned to tolerate from our A's! LOL Anyway, I think the best slogan for you is this too shall pass just prioritize your problems and start at the top!
I went through a similar paralysis for a long time. I felt incapable of working ,al my confidence gone. then I took jobs that were less well paid. I got something in order to feel like I was employable. I also needed to pay certain bills like rent in order to survive. Then I kept on applying and found somehting else. Now I am about to go back out and apply again.
Be nice to yourself. I have felt exhausted by everyone around me. That for me is a cue to step back and take care of me. I regroup, refocus and try to come up with a strategy.
You've recieved great advice already. It's ok to burnout and it's ok to close everyone out for a bit to focus on yourself, in fact I think it's healthy. As for your boss, good riddens to her. She sounds bitter and has low self esteem to have to talk about people behind her backs. There are two types of negative people, one's who inflate themselves to reach others and one's who try to tear people down to their level. She sounds like the second. Sorry about all of your losses, its very hard on the heart. I just recently lost my male and female best friends. Death is horrible no matter what. I think you should try this.............do something nice for yourself. Go get a new hairstyle or some hair color, buy a nice new outfit that you feel sexy in. Do something to make yourself feel fresh and new then start your life brand new tomorrow. Do something symbolic to wash away all the old junk maybe write everything bad down on paper and then rip it all up to forget about it and never bring it up again. One day at a time, find a job that YOU are happy about, Interview who you are working with this time and see if they have what YOU are looking for. Let us know how you do. :) Good luck. I have a feeling you are going to work it girl.
thank you for sharing your story. one of the things i have learned through alanon is that i dont have to solve all these exhausting problems by myself. there is a higher power. it doesnt matter what you think that higher power is, it will respond to your call for help. we dont always get the solution we picture in our head, but a solution will come. i find the first 3 steps help me the most when i am exhausted. i hope you dont mind if i include you in my prayers.
Hello Bin and welcome ,your one of the lucky ones you have hit your bottom , now there is no where to go but up . I hope u are attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself ,now is the time to get your own life . Ever notice that those we try to help always end up angry at us ? You are alone now and have lots of time to fix yourself I hope u use it well . and enjoy You will find a job , the right job for you . Your life has been affected by alcoholism and it's time to find out who u were really meant to be. Buckle up cause it's one hell of a trip , this self discovery stuff , not always easy but it your willing very rewarding . You have no idea where this program will take you . I hope u will try . for your sake . Louise
