I swear I can't take it anymore - Al-Anon Family Group

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

I swear I can't take it anymore

lmw · Senior Member

(((((Serendipity)))))

Remember, you've got your MIP family, if no one else. You will get through it - one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Hold our head up, because YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Linda

Kim65 · ~*Service Worker*~

Serendipity, how is it that you see or feel hatred when you walk through your town? Just curious . . . I live in a "village" too, albeit calling it a village is like calling Charlie Brown's christmas tree a rainforest :D .

I just wonder b/c that is such a harsh feeling to have, that people "hate" you. Why would they? Have you poisoned the water supply? Released baby alligators into the sewer?? Or left an abusive, cruel addict who found himself a chippy and has made time to come over and abuse you again and again??

Where's this hatred coming from anyway?? It's hard to imagine anyone hating you hon, you haven't done anything wrong! If your ex did a smear campaign on you, who's to say he's being believed?

One thing I did DELIBERATELY was to be extremely polite, personable, concerned and otherwise just very normal in my interactions with townsfolk. Just going to the store for soda or to fill my gas tank. I refuse to duck my head and "not talk to people" because of what's happened to me. I've done NOTHING wrong, but give a real jerk of a guy too many chances because I loved him and hoped he'd change.

I hate to see you feeling miserable for no reason . . . and frankly I can't see why unless someone is leaving you nasty notes or egging your car.

Sometimes we hate OURSELVES for putting up the the crap as long as we did . . . I know I did, and as long as I did, I kept my head down and avoided EVERYONE. It was easy to think then that I was the object of pity (which I HATE) or hatred. When I began to forgive myself, to understand myself and work on myself, those thoughts went away.

Just my two pesos :) Kim

maire rua · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes, its hard to see how anyone could hate you, I think you are great and I know what you mean about phasing people out, I had to do that with my father and step mom or I would have gone nuts, way too complicated for me. Keep your head up, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Serendipity)))
Your Subject reminded me of a post I made not too long ago entitled "How much are you willing to take?".
Here it is.

What would you do if you knew that there was a Force in the Universe bigger than you are, and bigger than the A's, that ALWAYS equals out any injustice, that ALWAYS balances out the books, that ALWAYS creates what other people bring out and bring upon themselves?

What would you do if you didn't have to worry about "making it right" and that it's all gonna work out all by itself?

By KNOWing that there is an Infinite Equalizer, it takes all of this out of our hands, allows us to not take it personally.
You can KNOW, you can Let Go and quit taking it on.

We "take exception", "have had all we can take", "take a dislike", "been taken", "take on other's responsibilities . To "take" is a willfull act.

TAKE
1. To get into one's possession by force, skill, or artifice, especially:
To capture physically; seize
To seize with authority; confiscate.
To kill, snare, or trap
To assume for oneself
To impose upon oneself

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey hun, I know it's a hard time but your mom is just another drop in the bucket. The thing is you can't take other people's ignorance, self absorption, personally! I think just saying I have to go and hanging up is perfectly fine! You don't HAVE to engage in the conversation when you see it going downhill. As for the auction, how is that YOUR responsibility? The executrix is the one responsible for doling out the payments and if the money was lost as a result of someone else's actions I don't know why you would be the one responsible?

As for the evil stares, you have a few choices there. Ignore them, move to a different place and start over, confront them and that's about it. If you don't feel comfortable there, moving might be an option. As for your A and his happy little life just remember he has slept with you how many times since he's been with her? And what kind of wonderful life do you think she has in store with him? The ring isn't the important part, it's the person and love that come with it and when you let go and wish them all the best sincerely you will be relieved! Why? Because you know how that will really turn out and they will both be miserable unless something seriously changes which is unlikely. You don't have to be miserable. You lightened your load and got rid of a HUGE burden! You and your kids are great and healthy and have a good future ahead!

This is the time when you say I have to be the grown up, I have to do what I have to do to take care of them and screw everything and everyone else. You can do anything you set your mind to! I know this great little coastal town in NC that could use a dance studio! I'm sure there are other places all over the US that could! You have to let go of the past and be totally focused on the now and the future in order to move on. Make plans and start putting out the actions to see them through. Even small things. Take a class, look into getting a small business loan, check out other places on the internet, go to school activities for the kids, you can do whatever you choose because you are free now, not only from the A but your mom, you have no serious ties. Your life (which you only get once as far as I know) is what you make it and you can make it great but the first step is letting all that anger and resentment and frustration go!

I remember feeling like this, so full of resentment all alone and scared but it WILL pass! I promise it will.

bobump · ~*Service Worker*~

NO ESH right now, just a supportive {{{{serendipity}}}} and letting you know I'm glad your here.

Bob

maresie2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate very very much. This morning I was just thinking my huge credit card crunch is because for four months this year I made maybe $800 in the month. I had to stand on my head to survive. Then I got a job that paid better in May but didn't get paid for it unitl June. Needless to say the A came back into my life in May and siphoned off lots of money then helping him.

I have had to really work on detaching from what the A does and who he is with. I had a huge fantasy that other people were getting what I did not get. I am sure your A's ring is bought on credit we know where that goes.

I am sorry your mother is not supportive. I had a tremendously diffiuclt time when my mother died. Her estwte was a nightmare. I do understand the frustration.

Well good for you for coming here and being clear about what you are dealing with. We have all our own real real frustrations. I try to break stuff down as best I can into what can I do and then keep taking actions.

Please keep coming back and sharing what's going on. This is such a hugely great place to vent.

Maresie.

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

One thing I can understand from your post is your mother. My mother is just like her. I had to laugh when you asked her if she had been drinking. I say off the wall things to my mother like that too just to get her goat. My mother can only see the most negative things in life. She was the first person I called when I got my nosed pierced...why??? Because I knew she would hate it. I find it funny at this point and just laugh. I know my mother hates that I am doing well, its like she wants to see me fail just so she has something to talk to her friends about.
The one thing I can tell you is to LIVE WELL, nothing will piss your ex off like that, even if you have to fake it till ya make it.
All you can do with your ex is fight him for more child support, if you can't afford an attorney call the domestic violence for woman. I think it's ACT. It should be in your phone book. Also, if he's abusing you like you say he is then you need to get a RO, not sure if you already have one. If so, then call the police on him if he comes around.

You KNOW that this new woman will not cut it either with him because he's a "puke" like you say. Give it time, it will crumble too. The sad thing is she will probably hold on to him through bad times just in spite of you. Let's hope she's not that stupid.

You can be happy with just you and those kids. I do it everyday. They are the world to me and all that I need. I know what purpose my ah played in my life and that's giving me these beautiful babies. So he had a purpose and now his purpose is over.

You'll be ok, seek out your HP and grab ahold of him and don't let go until the waters are calm. Trust me on that. You still have us....we are your village too and you don't have to hang your head here. ;) mwah

Mandy123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((((((((((Serendipity)))))))))))))))))))),
There are no words to take away the walk you are going through right now. Just know we love and support you. Keep venting, we are here to listen and offer the ESH from those who have it and hugs of support.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy aka Dolphin123

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.