The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, it's been months since things were crazy with me and my A. It has started again, he was in a controled drinking state which now, of course is spinning out of control. I of course thought he would be fine, I would be fine, and of course WE would be fine. I am thankful that I have continued to do my readings and my skills from Alanon. The ups and downs of life with an A, is not as joyful as a roller coaster ride however. I have noticed we are in the state of our of control and then the "I'm sorry's" , it is a sad cycle to watch and at times sad to live with. He was so intoxicated a couple weeks ago after he went bowling that I gave him a ride home, he doesn't remember the ride or that he looked at me in such a way that it scared me. I have never feared him before, I did however fear my 1st husband when he drank. We did talk about it when he was sober, but now I feel that the fear will never go away, that it will always be there, sitting in the back of my mind. He is showing signs of being an angry drunk, something he has never shown before. He has even told me that he has never experienced this in the past. I know it is a progressive disease. I worked at the treatment center long enough to notice the stages. My siblings and I are reading to close on the sale of Mom's house this Friday, an emotional time for me with no understanding or support from my A. I don't even ask "why?" anymore, I am realizing as time goes by that chances are he will never "get it" and that is his loss. I wil inheritate money from the sale of the house. Last year I consulted with my attorney and am still on target for where MY money will go. I promised my mom while I cared for her that I would have a safety net, a savings account that will take care of me if I need it. I will begin to rebuild my credit. I will be responsiible with the choices I make. Thank you for always being here. Knowing I am not alone is such a blessing. Hugs
You are very smart for protecting the money especially if there is a chance of seperation or divorce.
Alot of alcoholics "don't get it" and we are left to eventually walk away or get away somehow. Do you have to disclose the amount of the money that is left to your husband? Don't ask don't tell basis? Could you put it in an account in your childs name? Or trust a sibling to hold it in an account? It sounds as if your A is unpredictable in a lot of ways.
Keep a eye on your recovery and your progress, he is the only one accountable for himself. I would recommend calling a divorce attorney for a free consultation and looking at your options in case of a divorce or seperation. Take care. Keep coming back.
(((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))))))), It is sad what they lose in the fight to keep the disease active yet still try to hold it back. My "A" is doing the controlled drinking thing to, but he has shown anger before, and I am scared.
Stay safe, don't forget to take care of you. Trust your judgement, if you think for a second you aren't safe go with it. I know sober my "A" would never hurt me, but drunk, I don't trust him anymore. Especially since I am no longer letting him walk all over me.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Yes, I've been there too and it is scary when they try the controlled drinking, take care of you, and like you I find that this site stops me from getting isolated.
Gone but not forgotten. Welcome back! Well, who knew what a ride we signed on for when we married an alcoholic.It is so disappointing when they will not and cannot be there when you need them the most. My AHsober missed two surgeries that I had. Couldn't manage to support. mw But this time I was able to forgive him because he just doesn't have it in sobriety. Mainly because he won't work a program. Way to honor your mom's wishes.
That's my biggest fear is that there will be a time and place where he won't come out of a relapse. Once in a while the anger surfaces too. Fear will always be in the back of our minds: fear of relapse, death, for some, physical abuse, etc. We have learned not to let it paralyze us. I'm glad you have a safety net, that's important. Keeping you in my prayers as always. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
