The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I remember very clearly how scared and frightened I was to even call Alanon, nevermind go to a meeting. In utter desparation I finally reached out, and entered those doors. I decided to go to another city in the hopes I would not run into anyone I knew, I was ashamed and terrifed. I didnt want people to know, that my marriage to my husband who was the A in my life was in total chaos. My outside appearance was as normal as could be, but my insides were in complete turmoil, and my sleepless nights waiting for my A to come home , and the crying, was taking its toll. I was in full blown alcoholic Hell, and my sanity was questionable, and my health was on a downward spiral. I sat through my very first meeting, sobbing uncontrolabley, and barely heard a word that was said. When asked to share, I asked what I could do to stop my A from drinking? They answered I can't, and this program was about me, and not the A's in our lives. I remember thinking why am I here then? This isnt about me , its about him! I heard laughs and some tears, and sharing that mirrored my life to a "T". I looked into the eyes of the strangers who welcomed me, and I saw content, peace, serenity, and all I knew was I wanted to have that too. So I kept going back, and slowly , I mean very slowly, answers came within the shares that others offered. I began to realize that I too had a problem, and my reactions to my A's actions, were totally insane. In some cases I acted more insane than the A himself. I knew I had to change, I knew I wanted my old self back, because my self esteem had plummetted lower than a snakes belly. I was barely a shell of a woman when I first entered those doors of Alanon over 6 years ago. I was suicidal, homicidal, and totally out of control trying to fix someone who didnt want to be fixed, but I was determined if this ploy or plan didnt work I tried another and another and another,,etc,,til I was so emotionally drained, I couldnt even think straight anymore. My obsession with my husband and his drinking, made me forget about my needs and desires, my life,it was all about him, and NOT me. I have learned through my journey through this precious group, that this is my life's journey not his, and I am the only one who can make myself happy and healthy. My life started to change,,I started to take care of myself first and foremost, and the drinking wasnt about me at all,,,it was his journey , not mine. I jumped off that sinking ship and swam to shore. My life has changed so much,,and because of that warm welcome I first recieved when I entered through those doors, I have kept going back ever since.,,,,"LIVE & LET LIVE",,,one day at a time.......................
I was a pre-teen when I attended my first alanon meeting. I was taken with an Aunt, who was going for herself. I don't remember what was said and I don't remember her discussing reasons for going with me. I remember her leaving before the prayer and that my uncle had been in AA for a few years at that time. I am so thankful that HP had me with her the day she went to that meeting. I don't know that I would have known about alanon otherwise.
The first meeting I attended for me, I hated. I saw someone I grew up with, which made me feel very self concious. It was also an extremely large meeting and I didn't relate at all to some of the shares or follow the alanon jargon. I didn't go back for a while. I then got desperate enough and had been on MIP enough to listen to what I was told. I went to five more (for a total of six) different meetings as quickly as I could, to see if I felt comfortable with one.
The very last meeting I attended was the one that felt right. I now call it my "home" meeting. I have met wonderful people there and have actually shared without crying on a few occasions. I too, have cried through an entire meeting. I have also, laughed and got such wonderful validation for my feelings and experiences. It is also a step meeting, so it is a little more focused than the other meetings checked out. It is a good size, but not overwhelmingly big or small, it has a good mix of women to men and age ranges. Now I feel bad when I miss a meeting, whereas before, I had to force myself to attend.
Thanks! as a newcomer this is very helpful!! I really appreciate your story and honesty. It is a wonderful group of people who post here. Thanks! Wendy
Wow, my first meeting was 16 months ago... in one respect seems like yesterday, and yet seems like a lifetime ago too.
I knew about alanon because my mother went for years when I was young. I can't thank her enough for planting that seed. My son was drinking and we were having a horrible time with our realtionship... before I knew it my I relized that I was not only loosing my mind because I couldn't fix my son... but low and behold my wife had surpassed my son's ability medicate her life.
I was losing my ability to concentrate at work, and I slowly started giving up responsabilities there... I had to make myself go home, heart pounding, not knowing what drama was in store. The topper, wasn't the lies or the infidelity or the blackouts... it was the day at the red light.
I contemplated running the light in front of the crossing cement truck...
That was it... I couldn't take it any more, I was not going to die over this. Then I remembered alanon, looked it up and found a meeting the next day at noon. I can't say I was scared of going, but I did have thoughts of seeing people I know there. I remember feeling desperate for ... something, anything.
I was greated warmly downstairs by a large group of folks I later realized was the AA group that was meeting at the same time. They ushered me upstairs to more greatings...
I had made it... now I was going to get all the answers I needed... :)
They started the meeting and began to pass a daily reader. Each person read a page and shared about what it meant to them if they felt like it. Some passed altogether... no big deal. When they handed it to me, I decided what the heck I will read. All the readings so far had been pretty sterile and I didn't understand steps and slogans much.
My reading was a detailed description of my life... the drinking, enabling, crazy making the spouse was doing... and I just burst into tears... couldn't finish it. It was my life spread across two small pieces of paper.
I am a guy... not a cryer... and those people in that room didn't miss a beat. I didn't feel ashamed or out of place doing something I really hadn't done in 20 years.
As if that wasn't enough, on the way out one of the members handed me a brochure called "A merry-go-round named denial" ... and I read it in the car before I left. More tears and I realized right then and there that I was not there to fix her and my son... I was in desperate need of help for me and this place was where I needed to be.
I know it's different for different people. For me it was a moving, life altering experience because I was so totally ready to be altered... :)
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I walked into my first meeting with my 2nd daughter in her baby car seat, set her in the middle of the table and said "I want to leave my husband" There were 2 other older women there and they smiled and told me to sit down and listen. I was so mad and upset I didn't hear much of anything except to come back. I wound up staying for 4 more years and one more baby. My other "comming back" meeting I was asked to chair, and I did and then I asked for topics and then broke down and told them I had a topic. I sobbed thru the whole meeting but I heard so many things that helped. I heard that whatever I felt I needed to do right then to give myself some peace is the right thing. Oh how sad I was then and the things I thought I had to do like drive for hours around crack town looking for my ah who didn't want to be found. Filled with anger. I am better today I know I am. I still do things that I feel I have to do but now I know I don't have to.....I have a choice. I never knew that before. Oh, I love this program.
With three little children I have never been to a face to face meeting. I have had personal counseling with a therapist and also attend recovery meetings at my church. I remember thinking that my world had ended. Here I was with three brand new babies and I was the fool that chose an alcoholic for their father. No one in my life had ever told me about alcohol, I never knew how serious it was. I was hit hard (I felt sucker punched) by the disease.
I had a want and need to find out everything about the disease and I have to admit I did NOT like the answers I was getting. I wanted to be his savior, I thought I could beat it, I felt I HAD to help him. I thought "if he loves me or if he wants the marriage" I was grabbing at anything.
Then I came here.........this place was better then all the counseling and classes I had had.
Thanks to honest and straight up opinions I got kicked into first gear and off I went. I listened to what I was told, I implemented everything I learned and to my surprise it started to work!! The main thing that really helped was finding my HP and going to church. That was positive FREE therapy and it kept me thinking the right way. No more "stinkin thinkin"
So......here I am eight years later. AHsober is four hours away and working on his own recovery, my boundaries are in place and respected, my children are happy, healthy and very loved and secure/safe (most important). I am thirty pounds lighter (yes, I'm proud of that...hehehe) I take pride in who I am, I stand tall and focus all of my energy on my children and continue my recovery. :)
But I NEVER forget where I came from and the hell that I was in for alot of years so that I may be able to help others from this deadly disease and teach my children for their future.
I wasn't frightened for my first meeting, I was at the end of my rope, and wanting soooo badly for somebody to "fix" what was badly broken with my wife, marriage, etc... I was also quite arrogant, as I recall.
I remember going for a couple of meetings, and then choosing not to go back, as it was "just a bunch of old ladies, sitting around complaining about their A's, and I wanted to get better!!" (gee, does that sound familiar, and anything like when our A's say that AA is not for them??)
So I went away for about 18 months, life got WAY worse at home, my A was drinking more, I was getting more & more depressed, anxious, out of control, etc.... Finally I went back, and found a great group of people (mostly women) who were warm, encouraging, welcoming, and supportive. They were all working on themselves, and encouraging me to do the same..... Boy, had "they" ever learned a lot in that 18 months, lol :)
Bottom line - when I first went, I wasn't ready to accept how much this disease had affected me.... I was sicker, and more hurting, than I had ever imagined.... When I went back (and stayed), I got humble, and realized that I desperately needed help. When I opened my eyes and my mind to those facts, the meetings were true life savers for me, and formed a HUGE part of my recovery.
Al-Anon has definitely saved my life.
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hi everybody. I am Krystina. I am scared to death right now to be typing in here. See, I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 3 years and we have a wonderful 3 yr old son. My fiance (as of recently ), has alcoholism big time in his family. he overcame a cocaine addiction 3 years ago, and never went back to it. although his drinking was heavy before, now for the last three years he has always drank to get drunk. and it takes more and more to get him drunk. well it's been 2 days now without beer. and he wont stop apologizing to me... he got a DUI (DWI) the other night. Scared him, scared me, and he realizes he's hit rock bottom. The story in whole is enough to make you sick. He was covered in vomit, and almost got lost coming home from NYC by bus, cab, then attempting to get home driving his truck. It only happens maybe once a month on a weekend, an unexpected friend visiting, but especially concerts and social events. He gets completly trashed,, and the man i love is gone and replaced with an overly irritated 12 year old! He's never been violent, but he insists im causing his problems while he is drunk.
He has decided to go to AA meetings. And I guess we'll attend one this weekend. I'm scared, i dont know what to expect. i'm going to cry so much, to see the man i love going through this. But first thing is first... I realize he WANTS to do this. thank god, because i hear that many people dont and their friends, fam, and sig others try to push them to recovery. He WANTS it. and he told me he wants me with him along the whole way, holding his hand and by his side... which i dont mind. i want to be involved in his recovery. he is a good man, a good father, a hard worker, and MY hero. Now I have to be his hero, by sticking by his side with love and support. But god, I'm so scared.
I'm glad he finally wants to get help and stop, but I really am scared of the process, and of the withdrawl.
I first went to my first Alanon meeting (ftf) scared to death. I was so nervous I didn't read the sign directing us to the Alanon meeting downstairs and instead went upstairs where I heard voices. Well, upstairs was the AA meeting, again scared out of my mind I didn't realize my mistake until after the serenity prayer when they started to introduce themselves as A's. OMG, I wanted to die. I had to get outta there before they got to me! Grabbing my purse and pushing chairs aside (on a noisy floor) I bolted. I ran down the stairs and saw the Alanon sign and realized I couldn't embaress myself anymore than I just did, so downstairs I went. The room was overflowing with warm and smiling people. Luckily, I sat next to the biggest hugger of the group and that hug brought back week after week for several years. I was also lucky to find my home group that first time. I've been to many different group meetings since and still come home to my home group.
Fast forward five amazing years and I now take friends in dispair to my home group. I share my ESH in hopes they too find the help they need for themselves in those rooms. I will be forever grateful for Alanon and MIP for my recovery. I was a doormat that could withstand the biggest binge. My A controled me like a champ and I finally stood up for myself, set my boundries, connected with my HP and got my own life.
The pain of that first meeting is gone before the meeting is over and the learning, loving and laughing follow. Do the work and make it work for you.
My first f2f meeting was 19 months ago. It was such a small meeting at that time that there was only one other person there. She was wonderful, a guiding light in the dark for me. I don't remember much of that night, but the tears. Now we have a pretty good little group and Alanon has given me a roadmap out of my dispair. I am so thankful for this program.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
), has alcoholism big time in his family. he overcame a cocaine addiction 3 years ago, and never went back to it. although his drinking was heavy before, now for the last three years he has always drank to get drunk. and it takes more and more to get him drunk. well it's been 2 days now without beer. and he wont stop apologizing to me... he got a DUI (DWI) the other night. Scared him, scared me, and he realizes he's hit rock bottom. The story in whole is enough to make you sick. He was covered in vomit, and almost got lost coming home from NYC by bus, cab, then attempting to get home driving his truck. It only happens maybe once a month on a weekend, an unexpected friend visiting, but especially concerts and social events. He gets completly trashed,, and the man i love is gone and replaced with an overly irritated 12 year old! He's never been violent, but he insists im causing his problems while he is drunk.