The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A will reach 60 days sober next week. He has been receiving bi-weekly counseling, working his drug court program and talking ALOT. I haven't been online in a while, life has been a roller coaster lately. I have been in counseling myself. My A has been slowly revealing his history. All these issues have been popping up, abuse issues of every kind. I feel sorry for him and wish there was something I could do to change what has happened to him, but I can't. I'm sickened by his stories. He reminds me of a book I read many years ago, "A Child Called It". As I read the book, I remember thinking to myself, how could anyone survive such abuse? I remember how disgusted I felt.
I am so overwhelmed by these images my husband shares. At times, as bad as this sounds, all I want to do is ask him to leave. Other times I want him to be joking, so I can get up and go about my day without such heaviness in my heart. Now that he is sober, he is beginning to change. Just last night he confessed about another issue and I almost got sick. He also told me that his psychologist has had to arrange for other professionals to come into his session in order to further evaluate his well being. I asked him why this was happening. He told me that his experiences have been so severe his psychologist needs additional professional input. I'm floored... completely floored. I had to get out of the house for a while to process the information.
I'm glad I'm in counseling. I'm not sure what I would do if I couldn't talk with someone, in detail, about what's going on. Things are so intense, that my counselor has suggested that I keep an eye on my daughter and watch for signs. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Maybe I am in a dream.
My AH's past has not been too graphic, but I understand how overwhelming it is to hear these stories. It is good that you have a counselor to talk to in detail. Maybe an Alanon sponsor would help too, so there's more than one avenue for you to let it out. You can even find one in another town, if you're worried about privacy. Your A may also not realize how overwhelming it is for you. Maybe you should talk to him about it.
I know you dont want to break down this new found communication, but its not exactly honest for you to be so affected and not say anything to him. You may eventually feel used as a sounding board and resentful of all the pain it is causing you.
These are just my thoughts. Take what you like and leave the rest. Feel free to PM me if you need a private talk once in awhile.
Do something nice for you today.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I know that book and that child's story. I can't believe your husband had to go through even close to that. That's so horrible. (((((HUGS FOR HUBBY))))) I think it's awesome he is confiding so much in you. My husband won't talk about his abuse fully. I don't know if it's a guy thing or what. Makes you wonder how many men are hiding with this in their hearts. I hope his and your recovery heals your souls and hearts. Keep coming back when you can, we totally understand.
it sounds tough. it doesn't sound like a dream, more like full on reality. it is so hard when denial comes crashing down and reality seems raw and shocking.... especially when there is a worry about your childs safety. in the past aspects of someones behaviour gave me grounds for concern about my children and i felt like the floor had dissolved from under my feet. all i had was my higher power as i felt i could not share this with my group untill i knew more myself. i was vigilant about the kids and i thought them a lot of prevention stuff, i also taught them tto tell if anything scary happened and i still check in that they are clear on this stuff. but thank god my fears were not realised. that is down to the grace of god. you can give anything to the higher power even this fear, and it is my experience that the hp can take it. congratulations on facing up to all this, it takes huge courage.
My ex ah had a very violent, abusive past also. He is also mentally ill. He went to a psychiatrist who heard his whole story (well, at least the highlights as it was just an hour session) and told my ex ah that with what he experienced and how his thought process is currently he should be instutionalized. My ex ah was devestated by this. I thought the Dr was right but I didn't say so. I just said this is the time for a second opinion and a third. I really think in that case it was the Dr being a real quack. I remember thinking that the Dr couldn't know half of it! Detatch. His problems are not yours. We didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it but we CAN care. It sounds like some scarey stuff you are both learning to work thru. Just remember to enjoy the good moments.
